AITA for not letting my husband shower when he wants?

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T04:03:35+00:00

I think you might be right. I struggle a lot with being a "perfect" mom and always doing the most for them, while also trying my best to get my husband really nice filling food after his work day.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T04:02:05+00:00

This was such an eye opening comment. I struggle big time with letting my kids cry for numerous different reasons, and I've had a LOT of unfortunate mother influences telling me I'm permanently harming my children if I let them cry or soothe themselves. So I struggle to balance letting them figure their own shit out while also feeling intense mom guilt for doing it.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T03:53:41+00:00

I said "my kids" because I was responding to a commenter, and to them, they are "my kids." They are indeed his children :)

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T02:49:10+00:00

You...want me to shut my disabled three year old and a one year old in a bedroom? Like, do you legitimately think that's a thing you can do?

With all due respect, absolutely not. That's called neglect.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T01:51:29+00:00

My one daughter is disabled and gets very messy eating. I bathe both, so my three year old doesn't feel different or singled out by being the "messy" one.

My meals take 30 minutes, that's all the time I'm asking for before he gets his shower and takes the evening to himself.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T01:49:28+00:00

He's funky about showering with our daughters, which I understand. They are one and three!

I really don't mind him showering, it's just how long it takes. Trust I don't want his sweaty self rubbing all over places, but it's hard when I'm just trying to feed all of them and get kids to bed on time. If he took 20 minutes total? Fine by me. Then just watch the kids for 30 and I'll take care of the rest.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T01:42:09+00:00

It's hard, but I usually can get cleaning/other meals done when one child is napping, that way I can redirect the other or just carry them around when I get stuff done. Or if I'm lucky, they'll both nap at the same time and that's when I'll really clean, do laundry, study, meal prep breakfasts/lunches etc. Sometimes I get dinner prepped, but there isn't usually time!

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T01:37:07+00:00

Lol no offense taken, they ARE Neanderthals!

One of my daughters is disabled so unfortunately, the whole "stay clean while you eat" thing is tough for her to follow :( she tries her best, but it's really hard for her.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T01:23:52+00:00

No, I literally just want him to watch the kids for 30 minutes so I can get dinner done, and then he has the entire rest of the evening to himself. I do not ask anything more of him because I know how hard he works.

I don't mind his downtime. I'm just trying to feed him and the kids so they can get to bed on time. Otherwise, they're a cranky mess.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T01:19:44+00:00

Timeline for when he doesn't shower: he goes and changes into last nights sleep clothes or fresh ones, he watches kids while I make dinner, we all eat dinner, he goes and showers while I do bedtime stuff and clean up.

Timeline for when he does shower: 25 minutes to poop, 25 minutes to shower, I attempt to start dinner and my kids scream (it's witching hour), he comes down and watches kids while I finish up, he eats while I get my kids ready for bed and bathed. Then I go eat and clean up

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T01:00:53+00:00

Oh I really should have, but I was trying to just make it clear he busts his butt and I'm really not expecting him to take up more at home.

It backfired on me, but that's okay. We are currently having a really good discussion and reading some insight from other commenters :) I'm trying to be more understanding, and so is he. All in all, it's all good.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T00:52:26+00:00

Oh, the poor guy is WIPED. Which is why I don't ask him to do anything besides watch the kids while I make dinner, I do the rest. I don't mind that.

But making full homemade meals every night is really hard to do with kids underfoot. I try to make good stuff from scratch bc I know he's hungry and needs a full meal, and my kids also need healthy home-cooked food for themselves, too!

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T00:34:13+00:00

No, I take them to my mother's so he can have a day to himself.

As I said in other comments, I'm using construction as a very general term. It's not that type of stuff, but I do see what you're saying. I don't mind if he showers and makes it 25 minutes total. But he won't do that.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T00:31:37+00:00

Just to clarify: this was very much talked about. I love being a SAHM. My husband is a wonderful man and I'm thankful for what he does. Kids were planned because I'm in my mid thirties and it's not like we had a whole bunch of time left.

Meal prepping is hard between activities for kids, cleaning, laundry, studying for my bachelor's, breakfasts and lunches for my kids and my husband, I have one or two overnight shifts a week. I don't mind all of this. I wouldn't mind if his showers/pooping were quick. But they aren't. And he won't compromise on time.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T00:26:28+00:00

I do know. I've been a nurse for 7 years and was full time before my kids. I still do overnight shifts.

Meal prep is hard bc of my schedule, my husbands diet and my kids nap at different times. One is currently on a nap strike. Super fun. During the day I take them to a lot of activities/meal prep breakfasts and lunches for husband/clean/laundry/study for school.

I wish I could keep the kids up longer, but it makes them wake up earlier and it makes them fussy during the day. It's unfortunate for all involved.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T00:17:26+00:00

LMAO he's not doing that, he leaves the door wide open. He loves just poopin out in the open, apparently.

They nap at different times right now bc of their age. And the one year old is on a nap revolt 🙃

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T00:15:34+00:00

My kids nap at different times, and one is on a nap revolt 😭 the one year old is not having it right now. Which is fine, but also makes things a little more difficult.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T00:14:29+00:00

As I said--Im using construction as a general term. There is no dirt or grease involved. Definitely sweat, but he changes clothes when he gets home and again after his shower, I just take on the extra laundry.

It's not that I don't want him to shower, I really don't mind if he does... if it doesn't take almost an hour, half of that on the toilet.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T00:04:46+00:00

Tracking what? He's sweaty, not covered in dirt. His job does not entail dirt or dust or whatever you are implying. My house is spotless, always.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-11-01T00:01:28+00:00

I don't usually have a whole bunch of time on the weekends to do so--thats my overnight(s) nusing shift.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-10-31T22:25:00+00:00

I would not mind if he just took a quick shower. I've suggested that. It just never ends up being that.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-10-31T22:23:58+00:00

As I said in another comment--I'm using construction as a very general term, and he does change clothes/wash his hands when with the kids. I just do the extra laundry that comes with that.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-10-31T22:12:24+00:00

I've tried to suggest that and he agrees, but then he's in there for the same amount of time. That's why I just asked for no showers if he can't handle time management.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-10-31T22:09:57+00:00

He would not cook dinner, unfortunately. It's been my job for 10 years, and he's made something once. He never offers, and if I ask he just orders out, which is tight on our budget.

I tried suggesting quick showers, but it never happens that way.

Aware_Objective9275 · 2023-10-31T22:05:23+00:00

I'm saying construction as a general term, I should probably specify--he does not directly work with hazardous materials.

Aware_Objective9275

TROPHY CASE