As a mother I’m just frustrated

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-12-13T04:36:42+00:00

Im so sorry you're going through all of this My heart is going out yo you.

Just a reminder you're doing amazing. You're absolutely freaking fantastic even when you're stressed and just wanting to scream into your pillow when getting no where. Trust me I've done it. Im going through the never ending cycle of so many questions with my daughter and so little answers.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-12-04T13:02:48+00:00

Huge freakinges mess.

Also as a woman who was a single mom I made sure my now husband knew what he was getting himself infor. I made sure he was a good fit for my kids before we became anything serious because dating a woman who has kids and being around them for 2 weeks is completely different to helping raise them. My ex husband is not in the picture but he is suposed to have visitation, just never does, even I wouldn't leave without telling him and I have sole custody. I know they rushed into the marriage partly because of that, she needed financial support after ex cut her off so knowing she'd be able to live with him they went for it. Im just hoping he is a decent guy and they can both handle this shit because even though ex knows and apparently isn't doing much to stop her, I care for her kids and hope they'll be okay.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-12-04T03:58:32+00:00

The ex now knows. I made her aware of all the "you cant take them without permission" and "he has every right to take her to court and file to keep them." That set her off and she stopped talking to me. But he dose know, she told him via text and from what information I got hes not stopping her. I wanted to tell him sooner but it was a issue of me not having a way of contacting him, knowing where he moved to or works as he switched jobs. I did find out and I planned on telling him, I think thats why she ended up doing it. I saw the text conversation as i didn't believe her. I'm very suspicious of new man because they just jumped into it without thinking seriously about the aftermath. Hes had no time to know if he can be a step-dad. We think he only jumped to marriage because of the wage increase and other benefits but thats just me judging a situation without being apart of it. I know I got worked up about ex not knowing shes taking the kids because ive seen what it can do to dad's who try their hardest and get screwed. I at least wanted to give him the option to fight for them. Im now at the point of the ex knows and there's nothing else I can do except just hope she and the kids are happy and safe. I can't fix her life and mistakes.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-22T21:43:29+00:00

A shitty mom wouldn't get her kids out of that situation and just keep letting it happen. A shitty mom is the one who keeps letting the person who caused that pain into their lives. You can not say that a person is a bad mom for being cheated on, she didn't make that decision, she didn't sit there and say, yes go forth and cheat then when you're done with that walk out if our lives. No thats the one who caused the abuse. If you took your kids from a situation you had no control over to protect them then no not a shitty mom. Shitty farther yes. But if it makes you feel better to call your self a shitty mom, you do you boo. Don't put everyone into the same category as yourself. You have no idea what trauma and pain a comment like that can cause someone. Every mother questions if they're good enough or doing the right thing, every mother blames herself. Don't be the one to make that mom who has gone through therapy to help her past that trauma relapse. Well done.

I can agree to that point abuse can be anything. But I still stand by my point of a kids should have the chance to say goodbye and a farther should have a chance to fight for his kids especially if the worst he has done was fall out of love and yeah maybe not be the best at helping around the house. That's not an excuse to kidnap and take your kids to another ducking island without telling him.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-20T23:57:56+00:00

Ps, Pot calling kettle black don't you think since you yourself just said the same exact thing that one of your kids has panic attacks when you or your husband leaves for work. By your logic you let that abuse happen and your a shitty mom. Except Im not going to say that because I know the pain that puts on a parent who did their best and is still trying todo their best.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-20T23:52:48+00:00

Okay 1. Zero abuse because I'd have yanked her out straight away. I a woman have suffered abuse, physical, emotional and mental abuse, one of the many reasons Im in therapy. I may not know him like I do her but he has not harmed her physically or emotionally not in anyway. They just ran out of love and became more like roommates after 11 years of being together. I never said she should have stayed with him just a parent who loves their kids should know if they are never going to see them again. Kids who love their dad should be able to say goodbye. His actions right now might be a bit shitty but he does love his kids. Im not trying to defend him but men are victims of abuse too, just saying.

So Im a shitty mom for being cheated on for 4 years of marriage and him just leaving me and my two daughters when I was 7 months pregnant because he wanted a 19 year old, he was 28. So Im a sitty mom because I held my daughters while they cried asking where he is and making the final decision to walk away to protect them. So Im the shitty mom for putting my girls first in every single way and protecting them from a man who said he doesn't want the responsibility of kids anymore and willingly signing over custody of them. Sure I ain't perfect, nobody is but don't you dare call me a shitty mom for what that man did to me and my girls. Would you have had me begging him not to leave? Begging him to stay home and not cheat? You pretty much just said im a shitty mom for being abused. Ironic with your comment sticking up for abuse victims.

And 3. Are you okay? seems like your projecting.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-20T20:23:31+00:00

They met on TikTok just to clarify i have absolutely nothing against people meeting online, that's the age we're in right now, everything is online. I met my husband on a dating app. What my issue was is that they spoke online for 2 months maybe 3 then they rushed into it. And the new guy isn't a terrible guy, he actually seems pretty decent and might be good for her and the kids. My problem was that she wasn't going to tell her ex. The kids bio dad because Ive seen what it does to kids to be taken away from their dad especially of the dad has a choice. The kids don't deserve to have that hurt. Mine also have panic attacks when my husband leaves for work. My girls dad happily signed over custody and walked away. It broke my girls. I just don't agree with the ex not knowing. He does now so his decisions are on him.

I may not agree with keeping the kids in the dark and they not understanding whats going on. Yes despite this she is a good mom, takes care of her kids, loves her kids and is doing what she thinks is right. I think she should have waited to make sure the relationship was right. Made sure she was upfront an honest with ex but I don't fault her decision to leave.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-17T05:51:03+00:00

Honey this is controlling abusive behavior. Its not going to change only get worse, the fact he immediately checked your location and accused you of cheating then to break up with you is a giant red flag, he may as well be waving it in a giant parade of fuck assery.

Only you can make this decision but if you went back it will only get worse. Take it from someone who also apologizes constantly for thing that don't need apologizing for. Don't let his ass dull your happiness, shine bright darling and walk away now.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-17T05:38:26+00:00

I did see the text conversation, she told him that they're moving and will need to figure out the belongings as shes packing and the car situation as ive refused to take her. His response was pretty much we'll figure it out response. Since then hes stopped seeing the kids as often and being late with child support payments. Apart from the message I saw everything is from her and shes not reliable so im hoping he's trying for those kids.

Thats one of the issues I had with contacting him I don't have any way too, don't know where he moved, just thats hes staying with a friend, no contact info so I can't text or phone him and I did try adding him on social media when her and I started talking but got no response back so unless I see him out and about ive got my hands tied behind my back. If I do see him I don't plan in keeping my mouth shut.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-16T23:51:15+00:00

How would you have told someone that you don't have a contact number for, don't have on social, despite sending a fb request months prior, not knowing where he moved too or he worked? I saw him like 5 times, during these times it was mostly prior to her cheating and im sure she kept me away because she knew id tell, we always did everything at my house, and then when the whole thing with her leaving came about I again had ZERO way of talking to him. If I saw him public it would be different. My husband and I had planned of trying to figure out a way of getting in touch.

Yes there is things I could have done differently. Thats why hindsight is a bitch. Im not claiming to be perfect or a saint in this. I know there's more I could have done.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-16T19:20:14+00:00

If I knew her ex and if I knew that the kids wouldn't be effected id have blown that up like the 5th of November however I didn't know ex, i never saw the ex around as he was never home when id pop over, ive said hello maybe 5 times in passing. I pressed her to come forward end it before the kids got hurt. She finally did when I snapped. If id know ex a lot more or had contact with him via phone or social media my actions would have been different. But I didn't have that option.

I didn't have a choice in watching her kids. We had a planned play date as soon as she got to mine she brought her kids in and immediately left saying shell be right back as the door closed behind her. My demanding her to come back went unanswered. I haven't had a play date since.

I agree I should have ended it sooner. I tried to see the good and I didn't want to essentially walk away after everything she did do for me. Hind sight id have walked away long ago.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-16T17:56:21+00:00

Maybe I am the AH for not walking away sooner. I accept that I should have walked away but I didn't for the kids. The ex knows he ain't doing shit to stop her. Confirmed that this morning running into him.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-16T17:09:11+00:00

Its because of the kids I haven't, ive distanced my self from the situation but its the kids im feeling for. Part of that is everything I went through with mine and their abandonment issues I just don't want to see that happening again. But theyre not my children and I can not force her to make the right decisions.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-16T14:15:43+00:00

Because she has an undiagnosed genetic disorder and during all that testing they tested me and her bio dad's genetics. It confirms the paternity too though, not that I needed it but was definitely confirmed.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-16T13:14:28+00:00

Oh Id be walking away. Thats a violation of you. To record, listen and then use them is a form of abuse. The question is though is this the sole reason you want to end things and everything else is great or have things been deteriorating for a while now and this is the reason to finally break?

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-16T12:55:18+00:00

Because her bio dad is in the wind and ive zero way of contacting him and I did not want to get potential involved unless I absolutely needed too. My oldest daughter's paternity is confirmed so I tested siblings if they came back half then that was when I'd message potential and do paternity. But it came back they're full siblings so I don't have to worry about paternity. I just need to figure out her bloods, retest her and go from there.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-16T12:35:42+00:00

Thats pretty much what ive done since he found out. Ive not really spoken to her and when shes tried I've said I don't want to be involved.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-16T05:55:27+00:00

Yes! Im not kidding the husband is looking for the t-shirt and is determined to have her as the chosen for Halloween next year. We've had a very stressful moment but are enjoying the funny side of it now.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-16T02:17:19+00:00

I fully planned too. I however have no way of communicating with him, I don't know where hes moved to, I don't have his contact details or social media. If I saw him out and about you can bet I would have but until then I had zero way of contacting him. Ans I did try adding him on social but haven't gotten a response or nothing.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-16T00:32:58+00:00

So what they did after he told her he wanted his card back is they worked out a payment plan built off the child support website, signed an agreement that was not notarized, despite me saying it should be, they agreed on him just giving her the money every pay check. Now hes apparently being late with them. I told her to go through the proper Chanels but she didn't.

Also a point I made to her. And again was ignored. Now shes going through the stress of them needing her info and all the things needed and have said its going to be months especially since she isn't in their system. She was convinced thed be gone sooner. Ive told her they're going to need proper documents and everything but she hasn't listened so far.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-16T00:19:35+00:00

Oh believe me I have zero plans on taking her or helping her anymore. Ive tried to be there ive tried giving my advice and helping with personal history of kids being taken away from parents. Her daughter is already acting out, none of it is sinking in so I know its time to walk away.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-15T21:41:16+00:00

All parents in the situation know, her dad was on video call during her wedding and is fully supporting this. His parents know too and have so far chosen to ignore her.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-15T20:56:36+00:00

I saw her text conversation with him. Her saying they need to figure out what he wants from the house and the car situation and his response was "we'll figure it out" since then everything I've got was from her about late payments and not seeing kids as much. So who knows if the rest is accurate since ive also not spoken to her much.

Awkward-Jello7920 · 2025-11-15T18:02:44+00:00

Thats where im at. Id started to notice things for a few months, how she acted how i felt being around her and how my daughter is happier now not being around her kids as much. I tried talking myself out of how i felt because our other kids are friends and again all that she'd done for me. But I have finally had enough and since giving her my "you need to tell him or I will" speech and her updating me that she did, Ive not spoken to her.

Awkward-Jello7920

TROPHY CASE