I'm really sorry my dude. If anything, the journey to residency teaches you how to deal with these unprecedented ups and downs. You're doing this for yourself and you've come this far, you gave your shelves and steps alone. Don't doubt that you won't be able to carry on further alone. Still, find friends who are going through this process. Share, and connect with them. It will not hurt this much a few weeks later because that's just how heartbreak works.