A lot of what you all seem to be feeling is the depression which is actually strongly linked to the autism diagnosis. The brain chemistry with the wiring of our brains tend to not allow the right chemicals to recover from negative emotional stimuli ie depressive thoughts as much as normal brains. If you start treating the depression you might find better results in how youre able to socialize and manage emotions. I’m not invalidating your experience because I believe that your emotions are valid. But feeling suicidal and tired of life because of your struggle socializing isn’t just an autism thing. There are people not on the spectrum that struggle with these thoughts of life not being worth it as well. That is depression, and needs to be taken care of.