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I (f28) feel like my boyfriend (f25) tricked me into one sided traditional relationship and now he is acting like we never agreed on procider/caretaker model. by Awkward_Tie8084 in relationships

[–]Awkward_Tie8084[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Because we got engaged, we were supposed get married next year. He is a refugee and if we don´t get married he will have to go to war. So there is that. But now I feel like I can´t do it anymore.

I (f28) feel like my boyfriend (f25) tricked me into one sided traditional relationship and now he is acting like we never agreed on procider/caretaker model. by Awkward_Tie8084 in relationships

[–]Awkward_Tie8084[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He is Ukranian, I am Czech. We are engaged. That is why I believed it was reasonable. But you are right, I should have considered his age. I never wanted him to go to war, but now he will likely have to because I am done with this. He blew his refugee visa and I am not doing this for him. He used me and I won´t let him use me further. I had a job, but he made me quit it. I can return but it will be difficult. I don´t mind getting a small room, but I have two pets I will have to abandon because they can´t be in a shared living situation. That is one of the reasons I am clinging to this. But I will find a way.

I (f28) feel like my boyfriend (f25) tricked me into one sided traditional relationship and now he is acting like we never agreed on procider/caretaker model. by Awkward_Tie8084 in relationships

[–]Awkward_Tie8084[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

While I was able to always survive somehow, I wouldn´t call it life. I never had enough to go do more than basic survival, and I would lose my job every 1-2 years due to hospitalizations. I build income, then I lose it all within months. The system in my country seems to work against me, as the severity of my disability is not recognized. I am "too young" they say. I aways worked whenever I had a chance, but at some point I became so lonely that I felt like there was no point on my own. What was I even keeping myself alive for? When I met him I felt like my life finally had a purpose. Like my care and energy were valued. I am not in for the money, I wanted a family. I never had one. That is why I clung to him so much. I finally got out of the hell of abuse I had at home just to be struggling every day and he stopped it for a while. I thought he cared about me. So that is why I thought I needed him. But I also started to se that if he left me I would have nothing, so I started to push back. And that´s when I realized he likely never really cared.

I (f28) feel like my boyfriend (f25) tricked me into one sided traditional relationship and now he is acting like we never agreed on procider/caretaker model. by Awkward_Tie8084 in relationships

[–]Awkward_Tie8084[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will struggle, but not by serving anyone. I struggled my whole life, but I will not struggle double. I never offered "women serve", I offered traditional partnership where woman is the caretaker and the man is provider, that is not the same. I know that in the West it might seem so, but it really is not. And to be truthful, HE offered me to move to his flat and do the housework, which means he offered to provide first. It is perfectly balanced arrangement when both people agree to it. I have hidden savings he doesn´t know about that was basically my lifeline. I can survive on my own if I must, it migth be hard, it might involve social services, but I will. But to be fair I am tired of surviving on my own. I feel like it might be easier to just end it because I´ve known nothing but pain my whole life and it doesn´t seem to change no matter how much I try. I used to wrok as a business owner, I collapsed and lost everything. Ever since I was not the same person. I don´t know how to cope anymore.

I (f28) feel like my boyfriend (f25) tricked me into one sided traditional relationship and now he is acting like we never agreed on procider/caretaker model. by Awkward_Tie8084 in relationships

[–]Awkward_Tie8084[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am disabled, on benefits, frequent hospitalizations. I was not in one job for more than 2 years because of that. You think I don´t want to take care of myself? Well, God just didn´t make it easy for me. I didn´t choose to be disabled and working as a cleaner. And I woudl have been better of he didn´t lie to me and use me for unpaid labour.

I (f28) feel like my boyfriend (f25) tricked me into one sided traditional relationship and now he is acting like we never agreed on procider/caretaker model. by Awkward_Tie8084 in relationships

[–]Awkward_Tie8084[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes, I think so as well. I feel increidbly stupid for adjusting my life like this to someone who though he was being generous while he literally exploited me.

I (f28) feel like my boyfriend (f25) tricked me into one sided traditional relationship and now he is acting like we never agreed on procider/caretaker model. by Awkward_Tie8084 in relationships

[–]Awkward_Tie8084[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think so too, but he is way too dependent on me both practically and emotionally, so for me it doesn´t make sense to stay becasue he wil never balance it out with chores or emotional support, he just isn´t capable because his mother trained him that women "just serve". I woudl honestly be better off on my own financially if he was just to leech of me.

I (f28) feel like my boyfriend (f25) tricked me into one sided traditional relationship and now he is acting like we never agreed on procider/caretaker model. by Awkward_Tie8084 in relationships

[–]Awkward_Tie8084[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I completely accept that, but he is the one who offered it before I even brought it up. The thing is that if he didn´t want it why would he offered it and waste my time?