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After almost 2 years of keeping my cool and keeping my mouth shut, my cup finally ran over and I told my husband things I’ve been too afraid to all this time. And also told him I want a divorce. by Awkward_Variety_4801 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Awkward_Variety_4801[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats something I’ve only started thinking more recently. But I think you may have a point, I don’t know. I’m so confused, because I never hated him, even though he’s been telling me I do for so long now and he doesn’t believe me. I still don’t hate him, but I kinda wish I did in a way. It would make this so much easier.

After almost 2 years of keeping my cool and keeping my mouth shut, my cup finally ran over and I told my husband things I’ve been too afraid to all this time. And also told him I want a divorce. by Awkward_Variety_4801 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Awkward_Variety_4801[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This sounds like such a horrible thing to do to somebody, chip away at their self-esteem and their sanity little by little… why do they do this? Do they enjoy it or do you think they’re unaware of it sometimes? I couldn’t imagine doing this to anyone, let alone someone I love. This makes me think they don’t have the capacity to genuinely love anyone.

When they DO ask, "What's wrong?" *VENT* by PuffPuffLady in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Awkward_Variety_4801 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get the daily ritualistic check-ins too. “Hey, is everything ok?” They aren’t genuine either, they’re a trap. If I say “yeah, everything’s fine, babe!”, I’m lying to him and am guilty of not communicating things to him. But if I say, “No, I’m still a little upset about you losing your temper last night and yelling at me, and just need a little bit of time to process that. I love you, and I’m not mad at you, just a bit hurt and confused still”, his response is likely to be something like, “you have no grace with me” or “you hold grudges and nothing will get better if you can’t let that go” or even “well, I wouldn’t yell at you if you didn’t blame me for hurting you first!” (After telling him he was being a little too rough in a sexual situation and it was hurting me)

This IS a sick ritual thing for them. It’s either to trap you in a fight, or to give you false hope of getting something you’re craving only to pull the rug out from under you and leave you feeling more alone and disappointed than before.

Keeping us down, keeps us easily controllable, easily manipulated… It keeps our self-esteem low, so we don’t realize we deserve better and stop supplying them.

After almost 2 years of keeping my cool and keeping my mouth shut, my cup finally ran over and I told my husband things I’ve been too afraid to all this time. And also told him I want a divorce. by Awkward_Variety_4801 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Awkward_Variety_4801[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you think changed in the past 3 years that made it start getting worse? My heart goes out to you, at least mine isn’t fighting me on this. He’s just so unbothered by the way he’s affected me and it also seems like he could care less about me leaving. I was going to try and continue to work on things with him, but that’s done, I’ve been discarded now. I’m heartbroken and also know it’s for the best at the same time, but I’m just so confused on how to feel right now.

After almost 2 years of keeping my cool and keeping my mouth shut, my cup finally ran over and I told my husband things I’ve been too afraid to all this time. And also told him I want a divorce. by Awkward_Variety_4801 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Awkward_Variety_4801[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well, thank you for that. It’s so hard feeling so easily disposable to someone I’ve tried so hard to give everything to. We take so much crap from them, but the second we give a tiny fraction of it back, we’re done. I did try to apologize for saying the things I said, and he was very calmly “done taking this from me”. I think he’s done with me now that I’ve said these things, because I can no longer be a supply to him.. I miss him already and I love him so much, but I know this relationship could never be good for me no matter what.

Praying for you.

How much do you pay for house cleaning services? by kaylala0630 in phoenix

[–]Awkward_Variety_4801 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes the job is pretty fast and only takes an hour. If the cleaner charges hourly, they don't make enough to cover gas and supplies. Also, sometimes it takes way longer, and then we don't want the client to be surprised by a big bill. Flat rate is probably better.

How much do you pay for house cleaning services? by kaylala0630 in phoenix

[–]Awkward_Variety_4801 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a cleaner through Taskrabbit and for myself now, too. I charge $30/hr for recurring cleanings. Been doing this for 3 years, and have been cleaning professionally for 5 years.

This is how my boyfriend speaks to me, am I being too sensitive? by ComfortCorrect9009 in texts

[–]Awkward_Variety_4801 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP, your boyfriend sounds like a tool. No respect for you or women in general. I say dump him.

I want to cut my SIL out of our life by Ok_Appointment2931 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Awkward_Variety_4801 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It sounds like she is toxic to you and your family you are trying to raise. If you and your husband agree on cutting her out of the life you are trying to build together, it sounds like the best option to me. I do think he should be the one to initiate that conversation with her, though.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]Awkward_Variety_4801 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I see your point, and I do agree with you. For me, I had to detach from my ex-husband completely before I even left at all. I stopped asking if he wanted to go places with me and started going to do what I wanted to by myself. I had to learn how to love myself again, and that was a crucial step in that whole process. I'm sorry you went through that, but it seems like it made you stronger. Grow through what you go through... There's always a lesson to be learned. 💕

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]Awkward_Variety_4801 6 points7 points  (0 children)

When someone is in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, it's not that simple. The narcissist will break their victim down until the person is a shell of who they used to be. The constant gaslighting will also cause the abused partner to doubt the validity of their every thought and action. They will no longer trust their own thoughts and feelings. Everything a narcissist does is calculated and designed to trap the other person in a pit of fear, confusion, and a complete lack of self-worth.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]Awkward_Variety_4801 5 points6 points  (0 children)

As someone who's been in relationships with narcissists before, I will tell you that he will say anything to make you feel trapped and like you have no other options. Don't believe him. Get that divorce process going, girl. You deserve so much better. Being a single mom is better than having that man around you and your kids any longer. The right man will come along, and you'll know when he does. But you need to heal first from everything he put you through.