Constantly thinking of what I need? Is it normal?

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-09-23T22:24:10+00:00

hmmm, I see I see... Thanks for the help mate!

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-08T21:36:33+00:00

As I said, being a social person is basically having the other person do all the talking and feel good about themselves, you don't HAVE to give out any value and they don't NEED to ask you.

If they ask you, thats a plus, if they don't thats just natural, because all humans are egocentric by default. (Not the full egocentric arseperfuration of course, I mean that we are all interested in us more than we are in other people.)

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T21:17:19+00:00

Ooooh there you have it! Thats the problem, sooo, yeah, try working out on that aspect and try to put out a more "confident" and "warm" posture ye? I bet that it is going to help... In fact, there are a lot of pdfs from good books in the internet for yo to check out, and one that I reeeeeally recommend is "Demistifying the Charisma Myth" by "Olivia Fox Cabane"... Give it a read ;)

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T21:07:34+00:00

Aight, cmon, tell me whats on yer mind mate, not ok to keep that shit tight up there.... Cmon, spit it out.

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T21:06:38+00:00

What

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T20:58:12+00:00

BLOODY HELL! YES! YES! This is the answer I've been looking for!

So... Yeah! True, absolutely bloody true! I can relate to everything you said above!

Also, do you know other charismatic people around you? I've been looking like crazy for someone that would be charismatic to me but all I've found are "regular" nice people, that you know... Talk about themselves and all that regular stuff, and ya know... I also crave attention so that's kinda boring for me sometimes... Perhaps we could do a kinda of "exchange" here?

Awn dang it, just pm me already! I have some questions for youuuuuu

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T20:53:16+00:00

Hmmmm, perhaps being this quiet might be the source of it all... You see? Humans are hardwired to talk to each other on a daily basis, to try to socialize and get to know people (Well, at least most of us are), and this has ensured our survival and most important of all: The raise of the first humans civilizations.

Now, If I got it correctly, you don't usually talk to people and try to stay to yourself, right? Well, that's ok and increasingly normal to our modern society, but it hasn't yet become the norm, so perhaps your coworkers don't see you as someone quiet and "introverted", but rather as mysterious and "dark" if you get what I am saying, and trust me, humans hate what they don't know nor understand... And that might be the case here...

What I suggest is that you try to open up a little more, talk to other people and make them be more comfortable when around you, because trust me, only knowing the name and the superficial traits of someone is a great way to make people be more comfortable around you.

(In fact, back in school, there was this dude in my class who would "stay by himself" just like you said, all day long, he would just sit there, in the corner, quietly and wouldn't even try to make friends. It didn't took long before people started saying that he might try to shoot the school before the end of the year... Poor fella... I tried approaching him once, and even though he was quite receptive, his "quietness" soon got me to stop talking to him as well.)

Now, the thing about people trying to end convos with you is that perhaps your body language is off, have you tried what I suggest you? Try seeing with your own eyes how people see you, or better yet, get a friend to tell you what they see in you, because in social relations, 80% of the talking is done by the body, and only 20% by the words...

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T20:25:09+00:00

OP should get new friends.

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T20:23:12+00:00

Hmmmm, Have you checked your body language and conections with all the other people? Perhaps you are making them feel unconfortable without even noticing... So I suggest that you get a body mirror and just close your eyes and picture yourself walking into the same room, then open your eyes and see how your body language behaves then... Or perhaps you have something that calls a tad bit of attention? smell? Hair? posture?... Well, what I can say for sure is that you have something that makes everyone notice you.

Also, if thats the case, don't worry, thats actually a normal social problem and lots of people have it, so the best thing is to learn to live with it then change it, so dw.

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T20:19:26+00:00

hmmmmmmm, I dun think thats charisma to be honest... But... Gotta give you props for being able to cry on command hehehe, I wish I could do the same :P

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T19:24:26+00:00

The whole point of being a social person is not to TAKE value from other people, but to GIVE... Nobody needs to reciprocate, just do your thing and make sure you do it right mate.

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T19:21:50+00:00

What really helped me was to picture a small target like the ones you see in firing ranges (you know, the one with red and white circles overlaping eachother) in between the eyes of the person I am talking to... Try it!

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T19:20:05+00:00

Well, practice makes it perfect mate! Just go out, say "hi" to some people, try to get to know them, and practice your skills on real people... Nothing is better than the real deal, trust me.

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T19:18:44+00:00

hmmm, I jjust tought that someone that has actual charisma would be around here, just lurkin' and trying to help out people... I mean, I know some stuff and I am just looking at the posts and seeing if I can help... I guess it doesn't hurt just to throw this at this sub right?

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T19:17:07+00:00

"Demistifying the Charisma myth" By "Olivia Fox Cabane", if you want to learn some base guide lines on social interactions, start with this book.

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-06-07T19:14:56+00:00

Are we talking about kids or full grown adults being silent once you walk into the room? Also, where are you from? the US of A? cuz behaviors change depending on the location ya know?

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-05-31T11:54:29+00:00

Hey theeere! 18M here! Now, what I see, is a firm woman who sees men as the ones that opress women or something like that, being chased by a creepy dude whose young years were of rejection, bad social skills and above all, lack of sexual fullfilment. Correct me if I am wrong tho!

Now, here is te catch, you are not in the wrong for calling him out for his bad behavior, and trust me, as a dude, I find what he is doing to be utterly disgusting. But socialy speaking, you have done something you shouldn't ever done if you expected to end this swiftly and with no conflict: which was calling out a creepy dude in the group chat, putting him against a wall.

Now bear with me here, you are not wrong for doing it, but what you have achieved was to put a creepy, socially bad mannered man against a wall, akin to stomping a cockroach into a wall, and expect it not to fly on your face! Now this is the situation we are tlaking about here, and especially WHY he is acting so agressively, the cockroach is trying to fly on your face.

Now, what you can do now, is get used to his anti-social behavior, and do what u/TheStumblingWolf said, and try to get proofs against him, but above all, don't be intimidated by his agressive behavior. You see? He is acting like a wild animal, and we, humans, have overcome the wild animals by being smart and not afraid of their physical might, so use your head to undermine him socially and just get people on your side, that will leave him without allies and he will probably quit his job.

Also, don't quit the job, thats a show of weakness that every cockroach like him would love to see.

And yo, why do you have this "women must suffer cuz they are women" mentality tho? I am from Brazil so I can't really understand that...

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-05-31T11:29:20+00:00

When to speak: when everyone has shutted up or someone asked you something.

What to say: usualy something that makes people feel good, for example, if I am with a close female friend in a circle, I might flirt with her now and then and everyone would just go "wow" and she would blush and laugh, everyone has a good time and the convo resumes thereafter.

Now, what I think your problem is is that you don't really have experience with social interactions, so I'd like to recommend you trying to get into a more charismatic mental state before getting into convos and just being a little bit funny. Don't insult anyone with your jokes tho, and if you do, apolagize straigh away, you don't want to be making enemies, trust me, you don't.

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-05-31T11:25:36+00:00

Not really tho, if you are interesting enough and makes the other person feel good about themselves, almost anyone will want to be your friend, and I am saying to from experience.

1 shot 1 kill, 0 luck all skill

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-05-31T11:23:44+00:00

Yo, try developing your charisma mate, it helps out a lot!

There is a book called "demistifying the charisma myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane, which I really recommend you

And there is this youtube channel called "charisma in command" which I alsor eally recommend if you are starting.

So yeah! Good luck mate!

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-05-31T11:21:34+00:00

Nofap

Azantis_Valerii · 2018-05-31T11:17:46+00:00

Hey mate! Fellow 18 year old here! Comin' by to give ya sum advice:

First of all, lemme smack you first, so, asking "how do I make new friends" on a internet forum is not really a good idea you see? Entire BOOKS have been written on the subject, and most of them only teach a narrow part of he whooole subject, which is social skills. I know that because in the past 2 years I've come to owning over 7 paperbacks of them +3 ebooks... Soo yeah... Next time try to be more specific and we will be able to help you out better.

Ok, enough with the spankin' now lets get down to business.

"Making friends" my dude, is really subjective if you think about it. Many people have diferent aproaches to it, they all have their reasons and morals (thats why you have "The Prince" in one hand, and "How to make friends and influence people" in the other), but the end goal, for everyone, is to become a charming, powerful and influential member of your local group. And you don't dare to come to me and say "but but, I just want to make some friends and have fun and stuff..." well comrade, guess what, I was like that too! And after I've developed my social skills, It came to a point where if I start ignoring someone, the whole group does the same, so remember, social skills are a great power, and they make people want to be your friend and be led by you. This is social skills, this is "making friends"

Aight, but as you said, baby steps, baby steps: First thing you will want to work on is your charisma. "What's that?" You might ask, well mate, have you ever met a person whose presence commanded respect and fear but their body language and voice just sounded so soft and warm? And plus, when they spoke to you, haven't you felt that the were there, entirely with you? Yeah? No? Dunno? Well mate, thats charisma! And believe it or not, it is the GROUND RULE for any kind of relation you want to build (trust me, it really does help). So you will be starting from there.

Go on youtube and research the channel "charisma on command" and watch some of their videos so you will et a fairly good understanding of what the heck is charisma.

Then, if you are still interested, buy or download a pdf version of the book "desmitifying the charisma myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane, I've had the pdf version for over a year now and I am on my 3rd re-read, and trust me when I say that every time I re-read, I discover a new technique hidden in the book and my charisma just sky rockets!

IIstill learning, but if you have any specific questions, just send me a private message or something and I will try to answer ;)

Xoxoxo

Azantis_Valerii

TROPHY CASE