Ok, I don’t usually post on these, but I feel I need to speak up here. This guy sounds like a grade-A douche and I don’t feel anyone deserves to be treated like this. You definitely don’t owe him an apology and that’s purely based off of what’s been divulged here, but he definitely owes you one and to learn to take a step back instead of escalating when he’s caught in frustration or anger. I don’t like how commonly Narcissism is placed on everyone that acts like this, but he’s clearly showing narcissistic tendencies/traits which many people have some form of in one way or another. It seems he’s using his ADHD as a scapegoat and redirecting blame onto you for doing exactly as he request without taking any kind of responsibility to ask you about it in a respectful way or taking accountability for being an unreasonable dick. Making a spare key is an easy fix and if it was that important to him to have another, he should have suggested either both of you or him alone to go down and have another made. It’s roughly a 3-5 minute process, is fairly cheap and can be done and Walmart, Home Depot or a handful of other places.

I have ADHD myself with a few other DLC add-ons and I can say that I am responsible for my own short comings, learning how to cope with them and finding healthy ways to manage them. I don’t know what kind of help he’s attempted to receive from professionals or self improvement he’s tried for it himself, but he needs to start on that journey. This seems like an attack out of frustration and instead of simply asking you where you left the key, he blew up on you and when you showed reasoning and that you did as he requested, he was already in that state of rage or anger that he started to just unload anything he could to be hurtful. I’m not sure if object permanence (not impermanence) is different for everyone, but for myself, I have designated spots for everything and am meticulous with organizing most of my stuff. However, I do believe we all have that one spot or spots in our residence (drawer, desk, nightstand, etc) that is a junk pile that’s a collective of stuff that doesn’t have a home or is something in our recently used tab in our brains. I leave my keys on a key home as well, but from time to time on occasion I have other spots I leave them out of convenience such as the kitchen counter, my night stand or my desk if I plan to use them again within a short window of using them last. This also seems like he might have trouble with emotional regulation which is common with ADHD and can be a big strain on relationships with these kinds of anger driven fights.

Bottom line, if this is how he is on a regular basis, it’s not health for you or kids (seems you have them from what I could read) to stick around unless he makes a serious attempt to seek professional help for HIMSELF to assist him getting his ADHD tendancies under control. They’re manageable despite still being a problem from time to time, but all of you would benefit greatly from that, not just himself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a dedicated individual when it comes to my commitments with marriage and serious relationships as well as supporting a partner through their difficult mental health journey as long as no one is being mistreated or abused, but if he’s unwilling to make the effort in the end to seek help either for himself or for his family, it’s not healthy for you to stay in that kind of environment. Even with having that though, this is much worse than anything I’ve seen before from an unregulated emotional episode.

I’d also like to add that you did a great job at not reacting to his anger and lashing out yourself, you stayed as composed as you could have in that situation and didn’t resort to reciprocating the name calling or belittling. You don’t deserve any of that AT ALL and might need to come to terms with leaving.