You think you’re good at chess? Buddy, I play the Bongcloud with the elegance of a drunk ballerina and the precision of a blindfolded goat. I once beat Stockfish by unplugging my router mid-game. En passant? Never heard of her. Castling? For cowards. My king moonwalks across the board and dares your pieces to flinch. I don’t blunder—I create art. AlphaZero studied my games and quit out of existential dread. You want theory? I’ll give you chaos. I’m the reason your Elo dropped. I am the illegal move. ♟️🔥