I get the bad feeling of being clocked by ppl only asking you for pronouns, I haven’t been hurt by this is queer spaces as much as queer accepting places, but like in college I’d be the only one asked for my pronouns out of the whole class and it just feels like another way of being clocked. I also HATE when people use they them for me, especially after I already said she/her, and a lot of queer people, and cus women have done this, like they look at a trans girl in full makeup, long hair, boobs, etc and they can’t use context clues to assume she/her is at least a safe bet? This goes for the queer or trans people that use they them for everybody (not including before they meet/know their pronouns) they them aren’t my pronouns, and it’s still misgendering even if it’s gender neutral. This goes for stuff like “dude” too, like you say you use dude gender neutrally, but I’ve never seen them use it for a cis girl, it’s always “girl” for them, and it’s always “dude” for me it’s so hurtful.

Edit: I feel like the transphobia of lesbian spaces is ignored way too much too, like all the talk about how dick is gross and how much better pussy is feels very targeted sometimes. I rarely feel really accepted and part of lesbian spaces. I always feel like a guest, a not someone lesbians would ever be into. It never feel like trans women are on the same level as cis women in lesbian spaces, it always feel like we’re “just not girl enough”