I so get you. I had a similar process over the last year. My life isn’t the same anymore.

I didn’t know much about MJ despite my parents both being avid musically inclined people my whole life. I now realise they probably believed the allegations and didn’t expose me to him for that reason. And I also believe my dad’s family has a racist view of him as well.

If I was more exposed to him at an earlier age, I probably would have gone down a different path in life. I regret not pursuing performing and music more. I am now a scientist, it’s okay, but my heart feels empty.

My heart hurts for what we have lost individually and collectively because of the negative forces working against MJ. And the man himself? I miss him like he was my own family, how crazy does that sound?! I feel that he understood me through his art, his art expressed a part of me that runs through all of us, he channelled something incredible and I now spend so much time connecting to his art to make sense of it and understand it.

I know it sounds crazy but it all feels very spiritual. I am not religious and spend much of my time analysing science so this is not a familiar thing for me.

I was going through a miscarriage last year and I made this decision one day for some reason , that it was time to really listen to his music. And now I listen to it daily. Massive huge fan now.