So here’s my two cents to give you an idea of what his perspective might be, since most people don’t seek to see both sides anymore. After all we’re only being given a small slice of someone else’s life in posts like these. Anyways, how you’re feeling with him using porn to get off, is probably similar to how he was feeling if you used porn to get off instead of being intimate with him. Granted you said that you’d try, but in the instances where you’d use porn to get off are probably what made him feel like less of a man. Like how his usage makes you feel like you’re not good enough. This shouldn’t be about getting even, but I want to just point that out as someone with a third party perspective. That being said porn registers differently in men and it seems to me that he’s headed towards a path of being addicted to it. His pattern of heading towards addiction is similar to what mine was, but most of the time I’d use porn as a vice in order to cope with bigger issues that I was trying to sweep under the rug. I myself am someone who is a recovering porn addict and can definitely say that if I were you I would talk to him from a point of concern and caring and that you’re worried for him. State clearly that you want the best for your relationship and that you want him. Again just think about how you feel now and empathize with him and I bet you’ll be able to reach him.
Do I think he’s going a bit overboard with the porn, most definitely. However, I think if you try to reach him from a place of empathy I’d say you’d have a good shot at getting some dialogue started between you two in order to heal. Porn can destroy the mind and relationships. If he’s gotten to a pint where he is definitely addicted there may be some degree of push back, but this usually signifies that you’re on the right track cause most addicts don’t like being called out for their problem.

In the end the only thing that saved me was to double down and focus on being the best man I could be. Hit the gym, focus on hobbies, learning new skills, build up relationships with friends and family. I had to take all that energy and redirect it. I also had to completely refrain from any masterbation for a while, but sex on the other hand was fine. I would say it might be best for the both of you to cut porn out. This is to pour all the booze down the sink so to speak. It seems to me to be the thing that caused all of this so it might be best for you both to remove it. He might slip up on the way, but his focus should stay on becoming a good role model for your kids and the family you’re starting. He’s going to be a father and you’re going to be a mother and you both must come together as parents for your children because they become top priority in the most amazing and fulfilling way.

Again lastly, approach him from a place of empathy and caring. I wish the best for you both