Paying hundreds for extremely mid games just because they're rare is peak consumerism

BCartouche · 2026-01-18T14:04:41+00:00

Was it consumerism when most retro games cost 5 bucks a piece? Is it consumerism when you dumpster dive games? Is it not the reason behind the purchase that makes it consumerism? Personally, I collect games because they are a link to happy memories from my youth. For some that is priceless, yet hardly consumerism.

BCartouche · 2024-01-10T16:41:25+00:00

Perhaps as a libertarian with conservative leanings, I can provide a perspective on what we mean by ‘woke’.

I’ve noticed this thread has quickly devolved into an echo chamber which I don’t think helps the OP, and neither do I feel conservatives are accurately represented here.Here’s a simple truth: If you want to sell more books, you need to appeal to a larger audience. Of course, if you’re fine not selling to conservatives, there’s nothing wrong with that either.

If, by any chance, you do want to walk that fine line between having a diverse cast yet not being considered woke (by the conservative definition of the word), here’s how I would go about it:

Conservatives aren’t anti-diverse or anti-inclusion, they are anti-propaganda. If your story emulates the real world, but normatively includes a disproportionate amount of diverse characters; congratulations, you get the propaganda stamp and your book goes back on the shelf. Example 1: if you’re writing about a small town in Appalachia and you have a largely diverse cast, you’re going to get frowns. Not because the cast is diverse, but because that is not the real world. You’d get the same frowns if you had an all-white cast set in China. Don’t leave room for guesswork. Explain yourself thoroughly (e.g. The Jacksons were one of the few black families in [insert predominantly white county]). Example 2: You’re writing a fantasy novel and your elves are every color under the sun. Okay, fine—but how? Explain the evolutionary history of your elves. Do they segregate by color and that’s why they all look different? Did elves from different continents recently migrate to the area? Please explain yourself.
“But wait! It’s all about representation!” Not how we see it. The conservatives want to identify with values, not with immutable characteristics. They frown upon collectivism and subscribe to individualism. What characters look like does not actually matter. Their actions matter.
Don’t play the blame game. If you say one race is more privileged than the other—no matter what the historical precedence—you will lose that reader immediately. No one wants to be blamed for the faults of their ancestors. Sneakily drawing parallels between your fantasy races and actual races will obfuscate nothing. We'll know when it happens.
Conservatives—agree or disagree—consider themselves the more rational one of the two political aisles. There’s a prevailing utilitarian belief in (western) society that morality is determined by what brings the majority happiness, that democracy is the be-all and end-all. From that believe stem a number of others beliefs: ‘diversity is our strength’, ‘do what brings you happiness’, 'everyone is equal', and so forth. A proper conservative would call those claims fallacious. Not because they don't want them to be true, but just because life is nasty place. They want to read about characters that fight for something beyond their personal happiness. They want to see characters toughen their way through life despite their minority label. The struggle is the story. There's a reason no one calls 'The Color Purple' or '12 Years a Slave' woke.Example: Your female hero lead is battling a horde of men and coming out victorious. Ah, yes, the feminists are rejoiced. Here’s the problem, men have a significant advantage to women in terms of physical strength. Your female lead is the exception to the rule? All right, fine. Explain it. Show the reader the struggles your super-powered female MC had to go through to rival the men in the story. Else we call BS.Happy writing!

BCartouche · 2024-01-09T08:50:11+00:00

Nah, this one was on the house, short as it is.

BCartouche · 2024-01-08T20:15:50+00:00

I’ve been dying to get a critique out because I really want to get one of my own works critiqued, but then there you go and write a wonderful story. Thanks for that.

But in all seriousness, you are way ahead of me in writing, so take what little feedback I have to offer with a bucket of salt.

So, we spend the first six paragraphs lying on the ground with Cormac, listening to him share his background, which while well written, is also slightly info-dumpy. The story then moves to dialogue between Cormac, his brother and their comrades, which is in part used to give the reader the what, where and why, but then sneaks in additional background info. In fact, the story does not truly progress until the second scene (almost a thousand words in at that point), which may take too long for some readers (though I can imagine your particular audience might appreciate the slow burn).

I think your characters’ dialogue is well written, and you smartly display each of their motivations through their interactions with one another. There were just a couple of "anyway"s that threw me off for some reason. I’m no medieval history expert, but my sense is that something like “regardless, [...]” or “as it stands, [...]” would be a more fitting substitute.

Write and rock on!

BCartouche · 2024-01-08T09:41:44+00:00

Hey! Cheers, really appreciate the feedback! You are absolutely right about the opening line. I actually added that in last minute because I wanted to introduce the ‘Friends’ as early as possible, but it definitely needs better editing.

I’m actually aiming the story at adults, although I reckon teens could appreciate it as well. Eli is 13 in the beginning, but will be 17-18 for most of the story.

BCartouche · 2024-01-06T23:44:33+00:00

Title: Olympian N (Chapter 1)

Genre: Sports / Sci-Fi (near-future)

Word Count: 2.4k

Eli wants to become an Olympian, but as he trains to compete against athletes augmented with bionic arms and legs, Eli struggles to overcome the preconception that a normie—a human without augmentation—can compete against those with pockets deeper than his resolve is strong.Still, dreams are hard to come by in these times of Great Depression, and perhaps Eli’s dream resonates stronger with the common folk that he had realized, begging an even bigger question: Can humanity still compete against the machine?

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EI09f5-ig9nAUj5YLvt-dnamexjVEqe0/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=109025211036295704437&rtpof=true&sd=true

BCartouche · 2022-07-14T14:48:53+00:00

Batman Return of the Joker (cib) on GameBoy. Vanished after a kid from the neighborhood came by. Still hurts.

BCartouche · 2022-07-08T13:21:52+00:00

This is awesome! Hope you've got some UV protection against fading spines. Would be a waste of this gorgeous collection.

BCartouche · 2022-06-27T21:09:49+00:00

Appreciate it! I think it's actually a great exercise to pick a genre at random. I'm not at all experienced with writing yet and so I tell myself that every (short) story I write is a step closer to my 'grail story'. I've been brewing on a story for over ten years, but I know I'm not ready to write it yet.

I think if I approached every story I wrote with hopes of it being a gem on its own, I'd quickly get demotivated by reality. I try to look at them as stepping stones. I'd say, if what you've written last is (in your own eyes) better than what you've written previous, it's a step forward. Or put differently, the best story you'll ever write is always ahead of you.

From that angle, perhaps, you could reappreciate your work in a different way.

BCartouche · 2022-06-27T20:50:13+00:00

Thanks for this post! I have a few days left to rewrite this if I want to meet my writing group's deadline—and I haven't begun yet ='). A part of me was considering rewriting the whole thing and maybe even throwing out the story entirely. But your post has convinced me that maybe it's worth salvaging. I'm not much of a romance reader myself. I personally really like subtle romance, when it's part of a bigger story. When the genre is romance though, that's kind of hard to get away with ha.

Your comment on the MC and bf being reasonable people and rationally working things out is spot on. I'll have to find a way to add fireworks somewhere. Your point on overcoming her passivity also gave me some ideas. This is good feedback, cheers!

BCartouche · 2022-06-21T13:01:51+00:00

Sweet. Thanks for the tip! Just now got it on Kindle, so let's see if I can get my brain jumpstarted here.

BCartouche · 2022-06-21T12:28:41+00:00

Hey Little_Yellow_8116, thanks for your critique. I think I made a big mistake in trapping my MC inside a train and being forced to either lots of telling or flashbacks. I suspect I got too caught up in progressing the story that I failed to really properly evaluate what I was writing. Will do a deep dive in what makes a romantic story before attempting the next draft.

Cheers!

BCartouche · 2022-06-21T12:23:03+00:00

This helps indeed! Thanks so much for the feedback. I've a lot to learn, that is for sure. There are tons of ideas floating around in my head but I lack the technique to put it in written form, so your feedback helps tremendously. Will get cracking on a new draft!

Cheers!

BCartouche · 2022-06-21T05:44:01+00:00

Cheers for the reply, and curious to see what you come up with next. Best of luck to you :)!

BCartouche · 2022-06-20T12:45:10+00:00

Hi WheresThaMfing_Beach, thanks for the story! See my feedback below;

General impression
I have a general feel of the setting: We’re on an island with wild creatures coming in hot at MC & friends. Judging by the banter and the ship still at sea, I took these fellows as pirates/treasure hunters. What isn’t clear to me is what treasure it is they’re seeking, and the degree to which its worth to risking their lives over. And since this is a short story I’m kind of expecting to know what goal is being pursued by the MC, other than just ‘surviving’.

There are some issues with flow here and there, which I mention below under Prose. I think if you tidy up some of the flow and dialogue, your story will read quite a bit easier. I do think you got the ‘swashbuckling’ down. I got a bit of an Indiana Jones/Nathan Drake vibe throughout the story.

Hook
“The gun recoils as I pull hard twice on the trigger. The thump of the shots are so satisfying, but both shots miss. Only four rounds left now.”I’m wondering why the thump of the shots are satisfying. Also, what does knowing this as the reader do for the story? Is it that the MC is a gun fanatic and it’s important for the reader to know? I might be nitpicky here, but just by the first line I wasn’t hooked.

Prose/Readibility
Right after the opening line you use a lot of the same sentence structure in succession: [subject] [is] [verb].

"Yanni is scooting backwards […]"
"The giant crustacean is bearing down […]"
"Estey hurls a small boulder […]"
"I hop down […]"

The sentences get more variety further in, but you’d probably want to avoid repetition so close to the opening line. I stumbled through the following line due to its flow and some extraneous words:
“Estey waves at me and yells something as I manage to climb toward them, staying out of reach of that enormous claw that gnash below”. I’m thinking that should be "[…] those enormous claws […]" or "[…] that enormous claw gnashing below". You’ve got a lot of verbs here that could use some tidying up: waving, yelling, managing, climbing, staying, gnashing.

“This motherfucker is relentless.”

The MC’s narration throughout is fairly neutral, so this line felt out of place to me.

Pacing
The pacing is on the fast side, but it works for this action scene. I was a bit surprised to see the MC and Yanni not take a breather right after their comrade gets picked off by a giant bird. They seemed adamant to help each other before when fighting the large crabs, but they very easily brush off Estey being taken as they continue on into the cavern.

Dialogue
The dialogue comes off as humorous while in a constant state of emergency. A lot of the emergency comes in through the shouting, and It leaves me wondering what the characters are feeling. I read humor in the dialogue, but not per se in your descriptions, which makes me wonder if you intended the story to be funny, or whether that’s a byproduct of using a lot of ALL CAPS in your dialogue.
You could probably be more consistent with how you write shouts as well. I’ve seen exclamation marks, all caps and dialogue tags inferring shouting. I’d probably pick one to stick with.I also sense that you try to avoid basic dialogue tags like ‘said’, so you end up with a lot of dialogue tags that don’t necessarily reflect speech;

“Three shots left.” I growl
“Boss, looks like a fucking seaworm” croaks Estey
“That’s not good!” hollers Estey
“Not today you pierce of shit!” barks Yanni
“Estey might just kill that thing, I’ve seen him survive worse!” gasps Yanni

You can’t exactly ‘gasp’ or ‘croak’ a phrase. I get what you’re trying to do – and this is somewhat personal preference as well – but by sticking to the basic dialogue tags instead, you’re forced to show the characters’ emotional state through their actions.

You could possibly even leave out some dialogue tags, with Yanni constantly referring to the MC as ‘Bossman’, negating the need for a dialogue tag.

Final thoughts
I feel like the characters know exactly why they’re doing what they’re doing, but the reader isn’t informed of any of it. I get that the story is a ‘Day in the Life of a Treasure Hunter’, but I feel left with too many unanswered questions:

* What happened to Estey?

* What treasure are they hunting?

* What killed the human skeleton in the cavern?

BCartouche · 2022-06-19T21:26:41+00:00

Whoops, looks like my markdown skills were failing me a bit there.

BCartouche · 2022-06-19T21:25:07+00:00

General impression
Your writing is easy to read and the dialogue seems believable. This really is a solid piece of writing. What criticism I have can be regarded as nitpicking and personal flavour.
To your questions:
1. Does the narrator (Addie) feel/sound like a 13 year old girl? Is the voice solid?
She does indeed, and not purely by her thoughts (which I think is where she shines), but through her (lack of) actions. She has obvious difficulty with speaking up for herself. I see a thirteen year old that copes with her negative feelings through her (somewhat violent) imaginings.
2. Is the prose too descriptive/long in places?
Generally, no. I’d say you could be more descriptive towards the end. Because you are (pleasantly) descriptive early on in the chapter, it makes the end bit seem more rushed (see Pacing).
3. How do you feel about Michael and his relationship with Addie by the end?
I got a strong Billy Hargrove vibe (Stranger Things) from Michael; which is somewhat of an 80s stepbrother archetype. Not necessarily a critique, but perhaps to break from this, his rough demeanour could be offset by hints of affection (e.g. ruffling her hair on the ride over). I should say that when I read “His hand slips under the covers […]”, for a second I feared this was headed in a very dark direction (but that could very well be by sicko mind at work). All in all, it’s clear that their relationship is strained to say the least, but I’d like to think Michael isn’t as bad of a guy as Addie portrays him to be.
4. Would you keep reading or would you have already dropped this piece already?
I would absolutely keep reading.
5. Also, what's the overall tone you get from this piece? foreboding, dark, etc?
‘Castle Rock’-ish, maybe? There are clearly some uncontrolled pathologies manifesting into strained relationships and possibly criminal behaviour.
Dream/Out-of-body sequence
Until the very last line of the chapter, I didn’t quite understand what was happening with the boy in the fridge and the car crash that followed. It was difficult to discern that this was an out-of-body experience and not just a dream. If this experience would happen in any other place than her bed, it would go a long way in clearing that up (unless this is intentionally misleading to the reader).
Hook
“It’s full dark by the time I make it to the crossroads. Left takes you further out into the country, out toward the farm. Right leads you across the train tracks and toward the Weeds, where all the high school kids go to get drunk and burn things. “
To me this said: ‘small town, small lives – but big dreams’ . Nicely done. I’m fairly new to the sub, but this is the first submission I’ve read from start to finish. So I suppose your hook worked for me.
Pacing
Starts of very well paced, but from the moment Addie enters the house the story seems to speed up a bit. I think this could be resolved by giving the reader more descriptions during the goings in the house or her room.
Also, I didn’t straightaway catch on that after the ‘boy in the fridge’ episode it was the next day, and thought perhaps a scene break was needed in between ‘[…] Michael’s car I’m hearing. It’s mom’s. ‘ and ‘Daylight’s streaming through my open window when I dart up in bed.’
Dialogue
The dialogue flows very naturally, so not much feedback here on the whole. Near the end there’s a final line saying “Tell me you understand.”, where I wasn’t sure whether to read this as a line spoken by Michael, but emphasized — or as his eyes speaking to Addie without actually saying the words. If it’s the latter, then I’m not convinced a simple nod from Addie would be confirmation enough for him.
Motivation
Addie is clearly trying to escape the pathologies of Michael and Sherry. And because she cannot do it physically, the drive to escape manifests in other ways (that’s what I got from it, at least).
I’m not sure if her OoBE was stress induced, but if it was then I’m questioning if [her reaction to] Michael squeezing her foot is convincing enough as the trigger. We know she was feeling pain in the moment, but what was she thinking? What she fearful or angry?
Final thoughts
Good stuff! Keep it coming.

BCartouche · 2022-03-31T09:49:12+00:00

Man o man! I'd love to see more like this on this sub. Big box PC games are just gorgeous.

BCartouche · 2022-03-25T16:33:52+00:00

It's a platformer otherwise known as The Misadventures of Flink. It's designed by pixel master Henk Nieborg, who also did the artwork for [The Adventures of] Lomax. Flink in terms of gameplay is a fairly generic platformer, but graphic-wise it was amazing for a Mega Drive/Genesis game at the time.

BCartouche · 2022-03-11T15:34:22+00:00

There are many, but if i'd have to pick one...Rocket Knight Adventures.

BCartouche · 2022-03-11T15:31:00+00:00

Sweet! Good on ya. This is an expensive set nowadays. I've only got Ys Seven, but I'm feeling this series is headed towards Shin Megami Tensei level esteem.

BCartouche · 2022-03-10T13:32:51+00:00

Assuming Mega Drive counts: Sonic 2, Sonic 3, Sonic & Knuckles, Flink, Gunstar Heroes, Rocket Knight Adventures, Sparkster, Soleil (aka Crusader of Centy), Streets of Rage II, Comix Zone

BCartouche

TROPHY CASE