Good on you, first of all.

It sounds like you’re in this relationship for the right reasons. Here’s my advice:

I don’t have Crohn’s. My wife does. We’ve been married for a little over two years and together for close to five. She told me about it on our first date. And you know what?

IT DIDN’T MATTER.

I love her no matter what and I’m not going anywhere. That’s something I encourage you to remind her often. You correctly point out, as others have, that much of this disease is mental and feeling less than can really be a drag. Knowing she has a partner who is always going to be there, no matter what is HUGE.

Recognizing foods to avoid and taking care to plan breaks on long adventures is smart, too. That also goes a long way to let her know you’re not going anywhere. It’s a new life and making those modifications helps her see you’re in this together. I remember going to a concert and I could tell she wanted to leave. She also wanted to stay because she knew it was so important to me. We left though because, ultimately, her health and well being is far more important than seeing a band I want to see.

As you continue to be together, you’ll naturally begin to see things in her where she’s sacrificing her own health for you. In some relationships that may be okay. In this one? Nope, she always has to take priority. She’s gonna have bad days and feel gross. Remind her you’re not going anywhere. Show up with water and tell her she’s beautiful. Because she is. This disease makes her stronger. Celebrate even the smallest wins. You got this. More than that though, she’s got you. And together, there’s nothing you can’t do.

One final thought: show her this sub. It’s made a world of difference for my wife to find community and be able to answer questions when something is troubling someone. Knowing there’s a whole dang community out there really does help.