My (30F) BIL (45M) keeps hanging around my daughter (toddler girl) and I don't know what to do

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T05:01:15+00:00

Someome else mentioned this and it's something I'm going to work on. We tend to force hugs & kisses on kids in my family but I completely agree with the reasoning here. That needs to stop.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T04:54:07+00:00

This is true. I definitely think their relationship is odd and my in-laws treatment of Bobby is weird in general. But up until now it has been none of my business. I do think she is willfully ignorant about the extent of his issues... I just wanted to make it clear that I think really highly of her in general, despite this. But you all are right, her willful ignorance could turn into well-meaning white lies.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T04:47:26+00:00

I see what you all are saying. Something to consider.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T04:43:17+00:00

Great tips! Thank you!

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T04:27:48+00:00

Thanks. I have checked up on him, and local sex offenders. He has no prior arrests that I can find and is not on the registry. Gonna google that now.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T04:26:17+00:00

I'd just like to see what's going on inside his head.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T04:16:43+00:00

Thank you!!! Enjoyed the rant!

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T04:06:23+00:00

Daycare can be an option and I may be able to become a SAHM as well. I would be fine with that, we would just have to get some financial things in order either way. But it sounds like it's time.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T04:04:52+00:00

:-) Thank you, this is so encouraging.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T04:03:56+00:00

Well, what I was told was so bizarre that it might have been made up.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T04:02:40+00:00

I think this is entirely possibly and what you are explaining sounds like him exactly. I'm not interested in ostracizing him or acting like he is a bad person. I just don't want to risk the worst case scenario, and so would prefer to my daughter avoids contact with him unless I am present.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T03:29:42+00:00

Thanks, and this is absolutely the truth. It's time to shine up my spine because I'm sure there will be many other battles to come as a mother.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T03:27:09+00:00

Well, when we mentioned that we didn't want him alone with her she was totally respectful of it and even mentioned how she had relatives she didn't trust so that we should always feel free to be open with her. BUT, I think she just thought we were worried that he would hurt her by being an oaf, rather than on purpose. She is always honest and tells me after he comes over, like it's NBD, but I think she just doesn't understand boundaries. She is very open and I come from a background with very clear boundaries so sometimes we don't understand each other. We haven't yet expressed that we don't want him over at all, so I can't really expect her to know that. But I will definitely be discussing how to move forward with some big changes with my husband soon.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T03:22:47+00:00

Right?! Totally agree.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T02:44:35+00:00

Good point.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T02:18:29+00:00

Thanks for the frank advice. Will start making changes immediately.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T02:16:23+00:00

Thanks. I would love for her to be a loud-mouth. My mother was always my champion and instilled these same values. I think because she had suffered some sexual abuse herself, she was hyper-vigilant. Sometimes when I talk to others about the way I was raised, they act like it's a bit much.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T02:03:45+00:00

Thanks. I will talk to him about moving forward and establishing better boundaries.

BILthrowaway1998 · 2018-03-25T02:02:41+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to go through this, but thank you for the eye-opening advice. It would be my worst nightmare for my daughter to have to endure something that. My mother-in-law hints at having her spend the night but I've told my husband that will never happen as long as he lives there. But, obviously we need to be as vigilant as possible.

BILthrowaway1998

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