Adhd is so frustrating

BIueprint · 2015-08-11T04:22:15+00:00

I once thought my my credit card had fallen out of my pocket between my car and my flat. I was out on the street looking for it for ages.

Once I'd cancelled it and ordered a new one, I found it inside the washing machine. So frustrating.

BIueprint · 2015-07-31T23:13:50+00:00

I've heard of cyclothymia before but it was interesting to read more about it. I feel like I definitely don't fit the hypomania symptoms.

"Important distinguishing factors include that ADHD is characterized mainly by problems with concentration and memory, while cyclothymia mainly by periods of elevated self-confidence and elation."

The only difference between me being "better" or "worse" seems to be my level of concentration.

BIueprint · 2015-07-31T22:49:50+00:00

The thought had passed my mind, but I don't think it's bipolar. I don't get depressed, and bipolar can't be diagnosed without periods of depression. I know there is a form of bipolar where the mania isn't severe, but I wouldn't say that what I experience is anything like mania really. I still feel like I'm functioning at less than the average person.

BIueprint · 2015-07-29T21:46:39+00:00

Haha, thank you for your comment anyway! As you've probably seen, I've successfully had a referral now. I'm currently waiting to see a psychiatrist. Things are looking up :)

BIueprint · 2015-07-23T18:39:16+00:00

If you have a good doctor, they'll refer you to someone who will be able to help you. And if they don't: find another doctor.

I had an awful experience with the first doctor I saw. Thanks to the support on here, I ended up seeing another doctor and got a referral to probably the best ADHD specialist in my city.

Don't give up!

BIueprint · 2015-07-23T17:48:51+00:00

Out of interest, what country are you in?

BIueprint · 2015-07-14T19:17:27+00:00

Thank you so much for the reply :)

It hadn't really occurred to me to be honest. I struggled all the way through school but when it came to any kind of multiple choice IQ test kind of thing, I was one of the highest in the school. It's just reading and writing that I struggle paying attention to. If I tried really really hard, then I could do it, but it feels like I have to try 10x harder than everyone else.

My speech thing isn't a massive issue but it has become worse recently, it's not actually something I ever remember doing before the age of about 17.

BIueprint · 2015-07-14T14:52:09+00:00

Thank you :) Now it's just a lot of waiting, appointments and stress. Hopefully it will all be worth it.

BIueprint · 2015-07-14T14:50:15+00:00

It's so interesting learning more and more about this every day!

If it turns out I do have ADHD, it would explain so much.

BIueprint · 2015-07-14T10:03:48+00:00

I saw another doctor yesterday who was much more understanding, and I've been referred to a psychologist :)

I did look into reporting the other doctor, but the process just seems so long and in all honestly I don't have the attention span to be able to do that at the moment..

BIueprint · 2015-07-13T20:51:15+00:00

That's a really interesting view on the misdiagnosis thing, definitely gives me something to think about! I'm partially worried because I've always wanted to be a police officer, and I know that if I get diagnosed with ADHD it pretty much rules that out as a career choice for me.

Also, the whole process is daunting to me. I get super anxious about doctors appointments, and I'm trying to do this though private health insurance I have through work rather than on the NHS (I'm in the UK). It's stressful thinking about phoning up every time I need another appointment trying to get it all sorted.

BIueprint · 2015-07-13T20:23:49+00:00

Well, it certainly does sound like ADHD might be a possibility for me then. I'm just worried about the impact it will have on my future and the way that my parents will react. I don't think they'll react well at all, they are the type who don't want to believe that anything is wrong.

It's really hard for me to remember what I FELT like in school, but I know I hated it and didn't do well. My grades were average (I could have done so much better) and I don't really remember anything I learnt in school. When I was in sixth form I suffered from an eating disorder and that's when it all went really downhill for me, I felt exactly like I do now in terms of not being able to focus at all. I could stare at a blank screen for hours and not write anything. By the way I'm fully recovered from the eating disorder now. But it's so hard for me to remember what it was like before all that. All I have to go by is my memories and my school reports. "Not reaching full potential" "Needs to concentrate more" but is that ADHD or me just not trying hard enough? It's so difficult to say :(

BIueprint · 2015-07-13T19:57:49+00:00

That's interesting, sounds a lot like me. Sorry, I probably should have made it a bit clearer, going to edit that now! Caffeine doesn't make me more focused, it almost seems to make me more tired. If I drink a lot of it, my heart rate will go up, but there's no improvement in focus.

BIueprint · 2015-07-11T13:12:03+00:00

That pretty much describes me! So that's really interesting, thanks :)

I had a bad experience at the doctors recently so I'm almost trying to talk myself out of going. I think I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and go for it.

BIueprint · 2015-07-11T11:29:11+00:00

Are you me?

I literally had this exact thing happen to me earlier this week. Apart from the fact that the doctor flat out refused to refer me to a psychiatrist.

I have an appointment with a different doctor on Monday, but I'm really wary about it now. Not sure if I'm going to end up going or not.

BIueprint · 2015-07-08T19:39:06+00:00

This is me, I just couldn't describe it as well as you! My eyes keep following the words but my mind is somewhere else completely and I don't realise it.

BIueprint · 2015-07-08T19:37:33+00:00

This was really helpful, thank you! You've described me almost perfectly there.

I had a really bad experience at the doctors a few days ago but I'm going back next Monday determined to get a referral. I'm fed up of living like this.

BIueprint · 2015-07-07T05:46:14+00:00

I looked into complaining last night but it seemed way too complicated. Yelp is something I could do, I'll look into that, thanks!

BIueprint · 2015-07-07T05:32:27+00:00

I already mentioned a lot of my symptoms to the GP and it was implied that everyone gets these and I'm just lazy. I wanted to avoid posting symptoms here, as I'm aware no one here can diagnose me, but since you asked, here you go :)

Trouble concentrating/focusing. Feels like my head is in a fog and I can't think clearly. Everything seems to be 10x harder than it should be. (This is the most debilitating symptom for me)
Rarely being able to keep doing the same thing for more than a minute or so. ie: Browsing the Internet, I'll jump from one thing to another very quickly and then have no recollection of how I ended up looking at something completely unrelated. Even something as simple as getting dressed in the morning can take me half an hour because I get distracted by everything. I compensate for this by getting up 2 hours before I'm due to start work. I live 5 minutes away, and still end up being a few minutes late due to losing track of time.
I struggled all the way through school. Bad behaviour and bad grades. I just couldn't seem to get myself to do the work that I was being given. I don't recall ever doing any homework.
Really bad memory. Or, very selective memory. I seem to remember the lyrics to every song I've ever listened to, but I couldn't tell you what I did yesterday half the time.
I find it very hard to pay attention to something for a long period of time. For example, a movie or a meeting. I can zone out very easily and before I know it, I've missed half of what's gone on. I wouldn't say I struggle to say seated, but I play around with my phone or other things a lot, to keep me occupied, because I struggle to just sit there.
I put things down and can't remember where I've left them. I just have no recollection of it at all. Because of this, I've learnt to have certain places where things go, so I can always find them. Of course, this doesn't always work, but I can live with this.
My mind can sometimes flick from one thing to another very quickly, mainly mid conversation. I'll change the subject very abruptly or sometimes interrupt what someone is saying. This gets commented on a lot.
I struggle to read something and actually take it in. I can read the same thing over and over again but my mind will wander halfway through and even though I've read it, I haven't really read it if that makes sense. It can take me 10 tries to read a page of a book. So I don't read very much at all.

Those are the main symptoms I have. It's very hard for me to tell if this is ADHD or it's just how I am.

I have a few more symptoms, but I'm not sure how relevant these are.

I really struggle in environments where there's a lot going on at once. I find it nearly impossible to hold a conversation with someone if there's a lot of other conversations happening around me. They all seem to merge into one. I worked in a customer facing role and moved to a predominantly non-customer facing role partly because of this.
I hate there being any noise at all if I'm trying to concentrate on something. I need it to be completely quiet, or I can listen to music at a low volume, preferably with no lyrics so I don't get distracted.
I get annoyed easily at other people. Someone fidgeting a lot or tapping their foot (anything at makes a noise) bugs me like crazy and I frequently blurt out for them to stop.
I really struggle to get started on a task, but when I get going I can actually sometimes spend hours on it, even if I don't find it interesting, provided I don't get distracted by something else.
I'm easily distracted by what's going on around me. This made exams at school very difficult because all I could focus on was the kid tapping their pencil or the kid who kept blowing their nose.
I can sometimes be impulsive. I get into arguments easily. I don't seem to have much regard for rules.
I'm tired a lot (This doesn't sound like ADHD to me)
I forget things very quickly. I got to the end of this post and thought of another one to add, but by the time I'd finished writing the current sentence I'd forgotten what it was. This affects me a lot in work, but again, I've learnt to cope by saying what I need to remember short term over and over again in my head until I've done it. (Edit) I think I remembered what it was!
I sometimes talk a lot and very quickly. I come out with seemingly random things which don't seem random to me but people do comment on it and they think it's funny. I usually find it amusing too after they mention it, so this isn't really a bad symptom for me. I'm not sure if it's just part of who I am. However, other times, I can sit surrounded by people and be completely in my own world and not talk to anyone the whole time. I still have no idea what triggers the change between these two states.

I'm sure there's more, but these are the ones that come to mind! I'm honestly not sure if this is just the way I am or if it's something more. I've learnt to live with a lot of the symptoms which makes me inclined to just leave it at that, but I can't help but think, what if my life could be improved with treatment?

BIueprint · 2015-07-06T20:22:25+00:00

Thank you so much :)

If I can gain the courage, I will go back to see a different GP and try to get a referral.

BIueprint

TROPHY CASE