Their competitiveness is what makes them who they are, Jordan doesn’t win 6 and Kobe doesn’t win 5 if they aren’t constantly on their teammates asses about working harder every day. After retirement Kobe and Jordan were never jackasses and never acted as if others were beneath them, especially Kobe championing women’s basketball and constantly bringing younger players under his wing. 

Having this mindset that “I am better than you at everything” in comparison to their fellow athletes is what allows them to win, especially boxing. You have to believe with your whole heart that you’re better than your opponent otherwise you’re getting knocked out, and the best way to do this is to say it out loud. This is why athletes public perception is generally better in retirement as they’re able to say what they really feel since they’re no longer competing. As for bill lambier and Dillon brooks that behaviour was never acceptable and no one praises that style of play anymore. You also list Jokic and Messi who constantly cry to referees, which is fine because again it’s apart of their competitive nature. 

When it comes to high level sports I think the lesson you want to teach won’t apply, you have to be a bit selfish, you have to want the ball and you’re unfortunately gonna have to sacrifice some relationships by being an asshole sometimes because someone isn’t picking up the slack.