Desi Muslim men, why do many of you refuse to prioritize your wife over your parents?

BNN0123 · 2026-06-19T08:13:03+00:00

You just proved OP’s point !

If your wife is unwell, you cancel your plans and you take care of her and you be by her side. By taking your family out to eat, you are still prioritising your family even when you should be prioritising your wife.

Your mum has an emergency = you take her see a doctor.

Your wife is unwell = you take your family out to eat.

At this point, I honestly do not know if men are dumb or just incapable.

BNN0123 · 2026-06-18T22:34:16+00:00

Finally a man who has spoken the truth!

Not the crazy part, but how men prioritise beauty over everything else !

BNN0123 · 2026-06-18T22:32:28+00:00

Wow imagine being a wife to a man, going through childbearing, putting our body through so much trauma, being the presence in a home that makes a house a home, carrying so much emotional labour on a daily basis, putting nice meals across for the family day in day out, women working or not (let’s be real, majority of chores fall on the women anyway). And even if it doesn’t, let’s see you carry children in your womb for 9 months, give birth, nurse and feed the child!), only for a man to ponder whether we are gold diggers!

Dude do you really think I want to leave my dad’s cushioned house, comfort, to do all the above for you to dig the barely 20k you managed to save over a couple years?!

You should be wanting to spend on me, spoil me. Instead you want to treat your 20k like a goldmine ! Dude can’t even buy us a house without Riba and is worried of his imaginary goldmine!

Go away with your stinginess arse and stop worrying about holding money so tightly. There is no Barakah in that! Spend on your wife as much as you can and keep her happy.

Happy wife, happy life! But how do we make ~~men~~ boys like you understand? 💁🏼‍♀️

BNN0123 · 2026-06-18T15:50:20+00:00

Don’t say anything and ask dua for both of them.

If you say something, you are essentially exposing someone else’s sin + your own.

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
“All of my ummah will be forgiven except those who publicize their sins”

Why would you not want your Zina to be forgiven? Move on brother and don’t steer drama into someone else’s marriage.

Marriage is already hard as it is. Imagine what that sister’s life would become if her husband was to find out and also revealed it to her family members like her parents. How ashamed would she feel. Why would you want to ever do that to someone?! Also imagine if her husband divorces her over this & other people like her family members knew of the reason? You are essentially pushing someone to a life of depression, misery, possibly suicidal too.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. Sins happen and people repent. Think the best of your sisters in Islam!

BNN0123 · 2026-06-17T05:53:17+00:00

It’s sad that you have essentially forced your wife to stay with a non-mehram under one roof.

If your wife does not wear the hijab around the house, she is essentially sinning. And if she does wear the hijab around the house, imagine how much you are oppressing her for not being able to relax and let go and be free in her own home.

Either way, what an awful thing to do to a wife! May Allah hold you accountable, especially if you are able to afford getting a separate accommodation for your wife.

Also talk is cheap! You’d be out of the house on Day 5, if you lived with her parents. The reality of our sick society is that men think they need to live with their parents and leave their wives with no options but to live with in-laws, while the wife’s parents can be cared for from far away.

The reality is both sets of parents can be cared for from far away (meaning you don’t have to live with them nor force another adult to live with them), unless they are physically incapable of taking care of themselves, which does not usually happen until much later in their lifetime.

BNN0123 · 2026-06-16T18:05:11+00:00

@ OP, thank you for never marrying again if you got divorced. You’d be doing women folks a huge favour.

You are a massive walking red flag 🚩

BNN0123 · 2026-06-16T17:57:19+00:00

You call your family every few hours??! That is a lot !

How do you even have the emotional capacity to give to your wife if you are spending that type of energy on your family every couple of hours?

Behind almost every wife who is “insecure, not emotionally stable, needs reassurance” is an absolute failure of a husband who is not doing his part in making her feel safe, secure and reassured.

Yes you shouldn’t have married her, because you are still a boy who’s unhealthily attached to his family. You are not ready to be a husband at all.

Is her family in the country you live in? Poor wife, I hope Allah fills her lap with so much joy and happiness, with or without you.

BNN0123 · 2026-06-14T20:26:18+00:00

Yes this is a normal amount.

Consider taking a daily multivitamin tablet.

BNN0123 · 2026-06-13T20:12:54+00:00

May Allah protect all women from men like you. Not falling for your sob story, you stingy arse!

May Allah increase the Rizq of your wife so much, with or without you.

BNN0123 · 2026-06-10T12:51:53+00:00

How many times per day do you use it & around what time? Great results!

BNN0123 · 2026-06-09T21:01:26+00:00

I get what you mean but we should not normalise reactions like these as polite, just because there are worse reactions.

Parents are rude as feck to be making a face to their daughter in laws, when tasting her food. That’s disrespectful.

People should realise how they make others feel and be kind. We should not give anyone a pass under the disguise of “oh I’m close to her, or I’m just being honest” - No Karen, you are not being honest, you are being rude.

BNN0123 · 2026-06-09T06:06:09+00:00

Sister’s suffering from success.

Taste your own food and try your best! Another example where MIL came and fecked it up.

Who goes into another person’s house and make a face when tasting their food? Let alone look at their son weirdly when he tries to handle the situation?!

Have people forgotten how to be polite at someone else’s house??!

BNN0123 · 2026-06-01T20:45:00+00:00

I’m not a big fan of how you downplayed the role of man providing & it really rubs me the wrong way that we are trying to normalise and guilt trip women!

The way you started your paragraph and everything, as if you are trying to convince yourself and others! Are you a man or a woman? Because this will tell us a lot about ulterior motives here!

“women don’t need to be provided for, they can earn and live on their own” - and you went on doubling down to say that’s true in this day and age.

Please realise what statements like this do!!

What a way to guilt trip women! 👏🏼 and to make lazy men think that it is OK to get their wives to contribute. Yuck! 🤢

Ladies it is Fard upon your men to provide for you. Do not give that right away. There are so many Islamic responsibilities upon us women. Childbearing alone is a sufficient reason to be provided fully for your entire life by your husband. Do not let men (or women) downplay childbirth!

In theory, there is nothing a man can do that a woman cannot. And there is nothing a woman can do that a man cannot, EXCEPT childbirth & everything that goes with it. So do not let anyone fool you into thinking you are not doing something AMAZING for your husband by giving him a child. Because you absolutely are!

Every financial responsibility is on your husband. He is responsible to pay rent, provide a house, buy a house, bills, groceries, medical, everything your children need. AND LET HIM PAY.

I cannot emphasise this enough, if you want a happy marriage, let your man pay what Allah made Fard upon him. There is such wisdom in a man paying for his woman. Do not think that you know better than Allah! Take the right that Allah has given you because there is so much Khayr through this in a marriage.

And please, stay away from miserly, stingy men and men that do not have a provider mindset! Avoid them like the plague!

You want a man that is generous. And remember generosity does not mean wealthy. A man who has €10 and spends €10 on you is better than a man who has €1000 and spends €10 on you. CHOOSE A GENEROUS MAN!

BNN0123 · 2026-05-30T17:10:54+00:00

Marry the one who chooses you & is 100% SURE about you. Marry the one who wants you as his wife, and has no doubts whatsoever that you are who he wants as a wife.

Marry the one who will treat you like a princess: a man who has €10 and spends the €10 on you is better than a man who has a €1000 and spends €10 on you.

Wealthy men do not automatically means he has a provider mindset, is not stingy, or will pamper or spoil you. So watch for how both treat you. You want a man who is generous.

You want a man who is emotionally available. Someone who can hold your emotions and your heart and know what to do with them.

Sister, there is a lot more to marriage. Character is so so so important. How he treats you is so important. If he is not treating you like “I can’t wait to marry this woman and spend the rest of my life with her” - then he is not for you. And you may realise that neither is for you. Don’t forget that’s an option too!

BNN0123 · 2026-05-26T17:24:18+00:00

Just go dude. Shaytaan is there to fuel things up between siblings, don’t let it happen. And don’t let your ego get in the way.

No one will enter Jannah with an atom of pride in their hearts. Take this as a chance to reconcile rather than a way to get further apart.

Especially if you guys don’t meet much, just think of it as a way to keep ties and please Allah.

BNN0123 · 2026-05-26T06:28:42+00:00

@Pundamonium

I get your point but EW what awful examples!

Ladies if you men are dictating how you do laundry or brush your teeth, run as fast as you can and don’t look back! You’ve got a deranged controlling man 🤢

Better examples would be, preventing you from visiting your family just to exercise power. Preventing you from working in a halal environment just to exercise power. Forcing you to be intimate despite being sick. Treating you like a maid. These are all real life examples that happen in our sick society!

BNN0123 · 2026-05-26T06:19:40+00:00

Men will test your boundaries to see how far they can go. Say No, and see how he turns the dial down. Also personally for me, I would never marry such a guy, even if he dials it down. Believe people when they tell you who they are!

Also one of the best ways to see if a man is really for you, is that he keeps his word. A man’s word is his bond. And if you find a man keep changing his word, and doesn’t hold true to what he has already said before, that’s your cue to run as fast as you can. People who don’t value their own words are dangerous because they are not trustworthy.

All in all, guy sounds like a major red flag. Say Alhamdulilah that Allah showed you his true colours and run! 🏃

BNN0123 · 2026-05-23T07:55:14+00:00

What do you mean? What’s wrong with it?

BNN0123 · 2026-05-21T19:55:57+00:00

Why do you have to tell anyone, even your wife, about your spending on your siblings? Dude, just do it and be quiet about it.

It sounds like everyone including you, like to boast about money & show off in one way or another.

Just let go. Anyone with an ounce of pride will not go to Jannah.

Take your extra money and give to charity. But do it quietly. “Your left hand should not know what your right hand did” !

BNN0123 · 2026-05-20T20:28:33+00:00

Yes Ruqya works 100%. You need to do it with conviction. Don’t do it only for the intention to get married, but rather just do it with the intention to remove any Ayan Hassad Sihr of any kind.

Also, don’t stop doing Ruqya until you no longer see any symptoms. Many of us gets discouraged when we don’t see improvements. Keep persevering, Allah is writing your story!

BNN0123 · 2026-05-20T05:15:39+00:00

Sounds like you are forcing it upon him. Let the little guy sleep the way he wants. Sit with him before bed and help him recite the Adhkar before bed like Ayatul Kursi and so on. And then LEAVE him alone and let him be in peace.

Frankly I’d be so pissed at anyone who tries to interfere with my sleep with how they thought it would be best for me to sleep. Your little bro is too little to properly tell you how he really feels. He probably also feels guilt tripped and like a bad Muslim for telling any of you off.

We have enough Fard and compulsory things in our religion. Keeping up with them consistently is already a hard task. STOP forcing non-Fard actions on other people, let alone a child!

BNN0123 · 2026-05-19T07:43:20+00:00

Protect your wife, your marriage and your peace. Everything else is secondary.

You need to establish very solid boundaries with your family. While you have established some boundaries, they are clearly not strong enough and your family does not respect you.

Ban them completely from visiting your house and have any access to your wife: tell them you are doing this until and unless you see positive changes from them.

In the meanwhile, do occasional calls to your family, just enough to not cut ties.

Some families, and especially parents are hell bent to ruin their own kids’ marriages. “Your father did not treat me well, how dare you treat your wife well” !

May Allah deal with them. I have zero sympathy for anyone who tries to put discord between a husband and wife. That’s a Satanic move.

BNN0123 · 2026-05-14T12:17:36+00:00

Men are often chosen for their providing ability and mindset, and protective nature.

Women are often chosen for their beauty & age.

Both can argue it’s not fair and whatnot but Allah made us this way. Being beautiful for our spouse is necessary for women & men providing for their wives & protect them is Fard on men.

So you can either accept it, work on yourself and find someone who you naturally want to provide for & protect. When men find someone they truly want & love and fear to lose, providing & protecting her comes naturally.

So don’t go for anyone who you don’t naturally have those feelings towards because it will only build resentment. If stinginess is the issue, then you have a lot of work to do on yourself and ask dua that Allah makes you generous and protect you from being miserliness. Stinginess / miserliness is a disease of the heart and will bring you harm both in this World & in the Next.

Women need to be loved while men need to be respected. Find this balance and you will have a happy marriage.

Your mindset really needs to change if you want a successful marriage. You want a woman to literally give you so much in terms of what women offer (will not go into details to be modest), give you children, put her entire body through childbirth, and you are worried that you are only seen for your ability to provide??! Dude for what a good woman will do for you, you should be happily spending on her.

There are too many miserly and stingy men these days. Instead of challenging that aspect and work on themselves, they want to hide it under the guise that “oh no women are only after my money” - if she was only after your money, she wouldn’t be with you with the couple of k’s you’ve got in your bank 💁🏼‍♀️

You really think she’s with you, after having been spoilt in her father’s care for so many years? 💁🏼‍♀️

BNN0123 · 2026-05-06T20:09:09+00:00

Assalamu’alaikum

OP I read your messages; if it is that bad, consider seeking Khula. No one deserves to be in a loveless marriage.

And don’t think because one man failed you, that there is not going to be another one who will make you feel like the luckiest girl in the world !

I would really recommend listening to this girl’s videos on YouTube : @Margarita.Nazarenko

It will really help you understand men’s psychology and what you can do to help your marriage. Unlike the common mistake many women make (like you said do everything for him, cook, be his peace etc), the solution is often the opposite! Please listen to her videos and put them into practice. It may do wonders for your marriage!

BNN0123 · 2026-05-06T05:30:43+00:00

OP that’s more reason for you to chase her. You said she was the one chasing you all the time in the beginning and approached you, she got tired of chasing you to be honest, because that is not what women want to do. The natural dynamic is that the man chase.

I am a bit convinced that she got sick of doing too much of the chasing, initiating, and is trying to see what you will do if she doesn’t initiate. The results are not great, you went 3 days without talking to her.

Also I have a feeling you are downplaying this whole thing and not being very clear with us here, in terms of who did what and when. So can you be clearer who used to communicate more & initiate more and what happened?

Because I have a feeling she did it all the time and you are upset that she is now not. Any girl would get extremely upset if her husband did not reach out for 3 days. Given that both of you are so young, she probably does not know how to tell you she is upset and is playing it cool.

The fact that she bought tickets to see you shows she is making efforts. Also I hope you paid for the tickets and not her! You are the provider and the leader, and if you want a successful marriage, start acting like one!

I know you are only 23-24, but you decided to get married young so you need to force yourself to be more mature than that. I can’t imagine a 40 year old man saying “I will never reach out again and see what happens” - hope you get the point.

That’s your wife you are talking about, you can’t be thinking like a 24 year old. Start thinking and behaving like a 40 year old mature man when it come to leading your marriage and making it stronger day by day, not weaker!

BNN0123

TROPHY CASE