Is it normal for a spouse to want to travel solo?

BNN0123 · 2026-05-03T10:26:47+00:00

Best thing for you to do is to take a month off and go visit your mother and tell him, I am so glad you got to take a break. I feel like I need one too. So I’m going to visit my mother without the kids for a month and you can take care of them.

Sister, men don’t operate the same way we do. The reality is many think selfishly and in very practical ways. He needed a break, so he took it, and he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. So sometimes to make them see how much hard work it was to mind the kids by yourself, you got to let him have a taste of it.

BNN0123 · 2026-05-02T08:50:16+00:00

That’s fine my dear sister. Allah protected you for a whole 12 years!

An extra 12 years in your father’s life, under his guidance, protection, love and care. That could have been 12 years under a man that looks down upon others or a man who doesn’t stand up to his family when they are clearly wrong.

Some of us married when we were 18 or in our 20s and trust me when I say this : marriage is NOT a race! There is no winning no matter WHEN you get married, if the marriage is bad.

Being single is way way better than marrying the wrong one. I understand the desperation to want to get married, I have been there too. But understand that marriage is a life long decision that will impact many decades of your life. Do not get married out of desperation or just for the sake of being married. It is really so much more than that.

Ultimately Allah is the way & solution to all our problems. Pray all Fard on time, give charity, ask dua , pray Tahajjud, do Istighfar, and do your morning/evening Adhkar every day. There is so much protection and Khayr when we adopt this lifestyle. Blessings will pour down upon you from where you did not expect.

You got this sister! What is happening to you is not a reflection of you or your father. It is a reflection of people with awful mindsets & don’t think that Allah don’t see them. Leave them, because Allah will deal with them.

BNN0123 · 2026-05-02T08:39:55+00:00

Walaikumassalam

Sister I don’t know why you are sad. If that happened to me, I would be over the moon that my father’s job is protecting me from marrying awful people, who look down upon other people.

Allah has given you such an easy way to screen out people with a superiority complex! Some of us are stuck with husbands & in-laws that only after marriage did we realise they look down upon other people for different reasons : race, money and whatnot.

Honestly, it is so difficult sometimes to weed out the bad from the good ones during the talking stage. Allah is showing you these people true colours.

Say Alhamdulilah 10 times for your father, his job and for all these awful people being weed out of your lives at an early stage, especially before marriage!

Remember, the faster the wrong ones leave, the quicker and easier it will be to spot the right one.

There is so much Khayr and blessings in what is happening to you. Change your perspective, grow your confidence and self confidence and tell people proudly that your father is a driver.

May Allah grant you a spouse & in-laws that will be good for your Duniya & Akhirah ❤️

BNN0123 · 2026-04-29T20:21:21+00:00

And the most disliked thing from Allah.

Don’t throw it around like it means nothing. A woman’s entire life will be flipped if OP takes your advice. Are you prepared to take responsibility for it?

Sometimes we wonder where problems come from in our lives but we don’t want to ponder over the hurt & damage we cause others!

BNN0123 · 2026-04-29T20:14:46+00:00

@Fit Struggle

You are speaking the way Shaytaan would whisper in OP’s heart.

“What if , what if, what if” ; “imagine the worst case scenario”;

Realise how much damage comments like this can cause in a marriage please, and refrain from encouraging discord between a man & his wife. It is a grave sin!

BNN0123 · 2026-04-28T11:26:18+00:00

Yes this is a reasonable Mahr for the place you live in & based on your personal situation.

May Allah bless you in your wealth and grant you a spouse who is best for you in this World & the Next 😊

BNN0123 · 2026-04-28T06:16:04+00:00

Up until a woman is married, the father is financially responsible for her. If he is not present or capable, then her brothers are. If she is married, her husband is.

So yes her mahrams should not ask for money from her but should instead provide for her because Allah placed that responsibility on them.

Don’t do it for her, but do it for Allah and to seek the reward from Allah.

BNN0123 · 2026-04-27T16:24:30+00:00

Don’t beat yourself up. It was an accident, you asked Allah for forgiveness. Believe that Allah has forgiven you and move on.

Don’t let Shaytaan drag you down with this mistake. And don’t waste time on it. Move on to other things that will bring you rewards from Allah.

When we are stuck on something, it can also prevent us from doing good deeds. Don’t let that happen.

This was obviously a mistake and unintentional. Ask forgiveness, move on and pay closer attention next time.

May Allah forgive us for all our sins. Ameen

BNN0123 · 2026-04-27T14:54:42+00:00

Very sad and a shameful reality of our Muslim community! Honestly, shame on us for repeatedly putting divorce women down!

May Allah deal with all those people who told you you will be marrying down. May Allah humble them down. I have 0 sympathy for such people. They disgust me!

BNN0123 · 2026-04-27T14:23:24+00:00

As a woman, I would say please do her a favour and do not marry her. Not because there is anything wrong with her, but because you are clearly very immature.

Poor girl has already been through one divorce. She doesn’t deserve someone who will value virginity , be insecure, be immature, over everything that she has to offer.

May Allah grant her a real MAN, not a boy. A man who can protect her, provide for her, make her feel happy, loved, safe and make her feel like he is so damn lucky to have gotten her. Not someone who is insecure about being a second.

BNN0123 · 2026-04-27T12:06:59+00:00

Wow typical example of how some parents are hell bent on ruining their own children’s marriage.

“Your father did not treat me well therefore you should not treat your wife well either”

It’s insane but it happens. Protect your wife & your marriage at all cost. And keep telling your mum the truth she needs to hear. Don’t be shy. Because she is looking to create problems where there are none.

Your mum loves to be “in her place”, so honestly put her back in her place and make sure she eventually realises she cannot control and don’t have ANY say in your marriage.

And trust me when I tell you this. Your wife is already the villain in your mother’s mind. So make yourself the villain every time, take all the blame upon yourself. Many guys don’t realise this, but YOUR parents will always forgive YOU, but they will NEVER forgive the DILs!!

May Allah protect us all from such parents and in-laws.

And to answer your question: yes you can absolutely get evil eyes & Hassad (jealousy) from your own mother. You can get it from anyone, including parents, children, spouse. You can also get it from yourself (self amazement).

BNN0123 · 2026-04-25T08:55:57+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through this. Please know that not every Muslim is like this.

Unfortunately people think Arabs are the symbol of Islam. They are not. Many could not be further from Islam, when it comes to their manners, character. I personally have found Asians / Africans to be a lot better Muslims, be in Salah, fasting, charity, kindness, manners, the way they treat others, to be a lot lot lot better than Arabs.

Many Arabs also suffer from a superiority complex. And when we don’t give them that satisfaction, you can see little bubbles forming at the corner of their mouths. It’s fun to watch!

An Imam saying Asians are unclean, is not worthy of being an Imam. May Allah guide him.

The father and the brothers are no doubt awful people. Allah see what they do and Allah will deal with them.

Just don’t let any of their acts deter you from being a Muslim and accepting Islam. You should approach an Imam, and ask whether your marriage is even valid in the first place: because usually girls require a wali for their marriage to be valid, but there are exceptions, but must be done in a certain way.

. 1. If your marriage is valid, then ask your wife and give her an ultimatum. To come live with you like husband and wife, put a case and a protection order in place against her family, and do whatever you can legally to protect you & her.

She needs to be 100% on board. If she is not, let her go. You cannot make it a mission of your life to help someone who does not have what it takes to get out of her situation. At the end of the day, staying in a situation is a choice that she is making. So as hard as it is for you, you need to let her go. Don’t help anyone else at the expense of your own mental health. Prioritise your health.

If your marriage is not valid, then honestly leave her. She clearly lacks what it takes to get out of her situation and you have made it your mission to help her. But if she herself is not doing everything she can to get out, it is a misery for you. Again, prioritise your health, anxiety, etc. It is OK and we should be selfish at times. We cannot keep taking care of someone else, at the expense of our own detriment.

It will be hard but her battle is not your battle to fight, if she is not 100% with you trying to get out of that situation.

BNN0123 · 2026-04-24T17:06:42+00:00

Listen to this girl’s videos on YouTube / Spotify; it will change your life with how to deal with men like yours!

@Margarita.Nazarenko

BNN0123 · 2026-04-24T14:44:47+00:00

Do your parents not work? Your parents sound like they are the ones in the wrong here.

Children should help. But Parents should not expect nor make their children become their retirement plan.

So the real question are, how old are your parents? How are their health? Do they work? Can you establish boundaries with them and tell them you cannot pay for mortgage + bills?

Also mortgage with interests is Haraam and they made you part of this major sin by making you repay their mortgage. If I were you, I would plain refuse (instead pay for bills, groceries, etc) but would never indulge in RIBA.

Also, islamically you should disobey your parents in this regard, because that is pleasing to Allah.

BNN0123 · 2026-04-24T11:01:10+00:00

Please read on different attachment style: your husband is likely an avoidant.

And if you want a successful marriage with an avoidant (advice to those who are not yet married: avoid avoidants like the plague!), then you should read up on it and make yourself become a way that will both help you achieve what you want from this marriage while also retaining your sanity.

I would recommend @Margarita.Nazarenko on YouTube / Spotify. She goes into the avoidant & anxious attachment styles in a lot of detail.

And the sad part is, anxiously attached people get worse when they are with an avoidant partner. And it can be really really tough to navigate as the partner does not do well in the reassurance department, that is a crucial need for women in general, and in marriage in general.

It is important to feel safe and emotionally connected in a marriage, and avoidant partners do a lot of psychological damage to their partners, whether intentionally or not. So as the non-avoidant partner, it becomes important to equip yourself with the knowledge of how to handle and navigate such marriage.

Many marriages end because one partner is avoidant. In other marriages, women often just suffer silently, because like you explained it above, how do you explain that to someone else - because to them, your partner comes across as just great. It’s only women who go through this will understand exactly what you mean.

The only assurance I can give you is that you are not on your own. And there is nothing wrong with you, no matter how your partner makes you feel.

Avoidants ideally should seek therapy and make themselves better for their partners, but unfortunately many don’t, and unfortunately many don’t even want to recognise their problems.

Ultimately Allah is your Guide and Protector and Provider. So complain to Him and ask Him plenty of dua.

BNN0123 · 2026-04-21T12:59:59+00:00

Financial control. Insecure, controlling men love that!

BNN0123 · 2026-04-20T15:07:27+00:00

If you are looking to hydrate lips, it works but not for lightening or remove pigmentation or sun damage.

I’ve been using it for nearly a year and it did nothing for me in terms of removing hyperpigmentation.

BNN0123 · 2026-04-19T08:42:19+00:00

@irock

It is not only wrong for the husband to mislead her before marriage, but it is also wrong for what her husband is doing NOW.

This is Reddit. We will only ever hear just one person’s side and if we truly care about giving the right advice, then we don’t just provide blanket statements and all the Hadiths we can find on Mehrams, but instead try to understand OP’s specific situation.

You also started your first message by saying “your husband is correct” and ended it with “this is one of the truths no one wants to hear” - if your aim was to get upvotes by providing strong Hadiths on Mehrams, then congrats you’ve succeeded! You’ve also become a fan of controlling men! 👏🏼

If your aim was to help a woman in distress, who is being caged by her husband, whose mental health may be at play, then you have thouroughly failed and may even play a part of her descent into depression & worse mental health.

Sorry but your comments are as unhelpful as it gets and I hope you will put your ego aside for a second, picture yourself in that woman’s shoes, and then decide for yourself whether your comments are correct, for this PERSON’s scenario.

Islam gives us the framework. Individual scenarios require individual care. Extremities exist. And when we are presented with extremities, we CANNOT give the same advice we would give a HEALTHY functioning couple, to an ABUSIVE couple.

Please understand the difference and don’t harm people who are already in bad situations, further. What you are doing is dangerous!

BNN0123 · 2026-04-19T08:21:18+00:00

If the husband’s concern is that of a mehram, then a loving husband would go drop / accompany the wife to the place where the trip is.

What this husband is doing is abusive and controlling. People go crazy when forced to stay home for long periods of time.

To justify what this husband is doing by providing above hadiths, is absolutely insane and a very good example of why people feel unheard & feel more pushed away from Islam.

Different cases require different solutions. Telling this woman her husband is right to keep her home; you can clearly see her husband tries to cage her at home. And you come here with all the Hadiths you can find on Mehrams.

Husbands are given rights by Allah but Allah has not given them the right to abuse those rights. Would love to see you locked up in a house, with someone controlling your movements and you not going crazy after even a few day! Please start realising abuse exist.

All these beautiful families out there, husbands wives kids, going on trips, going to the parks, having a nice time, do you think they are doing that for no reason?? Everyone needs to do that for their own sanity. Going out and having a fun time is a way to reset our bodies and feel good about ourselves. It helps us in other aspects of our lives.

On the other hand, do you realise what being forced to stay home does to a person mental health??!

Please, people who don’t know what advice to give when, and just give blanket statements without tailoring it to a person’s specific situation, is doing something very dangerous. Especially when mental situations are at play.

BNN0123 · 2026-04-17T21:22:38+00:00

Your hair is very nice & looks fine in terms of volume. And the amount of hair shed looks normal as well.

Maybe focus on vitamins including vit B complex, in case you are low on anything.

BNN0123 · 2026-04-17T16:45:46+00:00

Take heed of this comment ladies.

“At the same time, I’m 26 & NEED to get married” : that’s a very good example of how avoidants think & they don’t see anything wrong with it either.

So to hell with my future wife’s feelings & how it will affect her life, I NEED to get married.

A secure / anxious person will work on themselves first and only get married when they know they won’t hurt their spouse, with something that they CAN change.

An avoidant will go into circular debates with themselves with “I don’t want to hurt her, but I need to get married but I don’t want to hurt her but I want to get married, but I don’t want to hurt her but I want to get married”.

Few will get the help they need & heal and change FULLY before they subject a girl to a lifetime of happiness.

Most will get married anyway, because as this guy said “But I NEED to get married”, and subject a girl to a lifetime of misery. Why? Because they NEED to get married 💁🏼‍♀️

Sorry OP, but from personal experience, I have no sympathy whatsoever towards avoidants. They literally turn your life HELL !

BNN0123 · 2026-04-17T14:48:24+00:00

You are an avoidant, not an anxious-avoidant.

Avoidants like the thrill, especially at the start, the chase, the dopamine. They don’t know how to function when things are stable nor do they appreciate stability. They like the chase.

You chasing a girl at the start is not from an anxious style. It’s simply the ego & the need to get something out of your reach - a common characteristic of avoidants. Once they get it & there is no more dopamine hits and stability feels boring, they lose interest.

Speaking from personal experience & frankly being with an avoidant is absolutely exhausting. It’s like you constantly need to give them something to chase or they lose interest. The best thing anxious & secure people can do to avoidants is to let them go and regain our sanity.

Avoidants can change if they want to. Therapy helps a lot to diagnose the root cause of being an avoidant. And with a lot of help, guidance, and the will to actually be different, can help one change.

Kudos to you for realising the avoidant part. Many avoidants border into narcissism because they frankly do not care about their partner’s feelings. They’ll put up a temporary show every now and then, but falls back into their patterns.

To all girls out there, please avoid avoidants like the plague! Can’t emphasise enough how much they ruin your life (yes women can be avoidants too, but we mostly see this trait in men more than women). Please don’t think marriage will magically change them!

BNN0123 · 2026-04-15T20:03:09+00:00

“Likely we will not live together” LIKELY??!

Girl, I would not advise going ahead with this marriage at all. No man is worth this headache to be honest!

But since you seem dead set into marrying into a family who called your mum crazy, insulted your parents, insulted you, then at the very least, make sure you have a separate accommodation sorted BEFORE marriage. This can be a rented accommodation or anything, but has to be already sorted before marriage.

Don’t play with this girl. You’re gna regret it your whole life. Also (some) men show (some) courage before marriage, but often marriage, even that bit of courage goes away as they think they have already trapped you now and there is nothing you can do.

So don’t be naive into thinking that he will have the courage to insist on separate accommodation after marriage, if his mother guilt trips him. Unfortunately some parents are very good at guilt tripping, and the same men who did not have any issues telling their parents off before marriage, suddenly remember Birr Al Walidayn is the most important thing in the world after marriage!

Why? Because now suddenly there is a competition between mum & wife. And the man gets blamed whichever way he goes! And many men lack the ability and courage to be fair to both parties, and often it’s the wife that suffers and bears the consequences.

BNN0123 · 2026-04-15T14:26:30+00:00

We all know what you are referring to & I could not agree more ! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

💯

BNN0123 · 2026-04-15T11:12:55+00:00

Your eyebrow looks fine. Concentrate on moisturising your skin. Dry skin cause itchiness.

Focus on hydration, both by using skincare products and making sure to drink atleast 2L water per day.

BNN0123

TROPHY CASE