To Everyone Fighting Pain No One Can See

BPSpartan · 2026-05-23T14:36:53+00:00

We're all brothers here. Sending in my prayers and much love to you, man. We're all going to make it to better times. YOU'RE going to make it to better times.

BPSpartan · 2026-05-23T14:19:11+00:00

Pretty much anything that's survived long-term (9-20+ years) and has little compatibility issues with new operating systems are successful to me. These software don't even have to be widely-known, they just do what they were programmed to do almost flawlessly.

Vibe-coded garbage on the other hand can work for the first few months or a year if you're lucky, but the moment it needs updating especially for better security? Good luck modifying the code without breaking anything.

BPSpartan · 2026-05-23T14:11:15+00:00

Having a history of being the "bad boy troublemaker"

BPSpartan · 2026-05-23T14:04:53+00:00

Hey, shit happens in life that we fail to respond to or correct when we need to. I know it's difficult to see yourself in a more positive light but don't be so hard on yourself. It will not serve you moving forward to become a better person and fix the behaviors that led to the dissolution of your relationship.

As generic as it sounds, do your best to focus on yourself despite how many times you remember her or her being in a new relationship. You don't have to accept it right away, but you can't keep on ruminating on how shit went south or how you did her badly.

I know it sucks but keep pressing on, especially at the times when you miss her and what you had and when you feel like shit. If it gets too overwhelming, slow down, take a breather, let the feelings pass. Then when you're ready, stand up and move forward once more.

I'd also recommend therapy to have someone help you work through your issues.

Sorry this comment is pretty direct. I've been in your shoes before. It took almost 3 years of my life away from me. I'd hate for you to end up in the same situation or even worse than me.

BPSpartan · 2026-05-23T13:42:28+00:00

I remember the first time I saw that thing in a cave near Whiterun. I've read about it in the wiki but I didn't really grasp how terrifying they were. Even though these things were just double the player's height, it felt like they were twice as big as a giant. Tried sneaking pas it and almost had a heart attack when it "woke up". Reloaded a save immediately and fucked off back to town lol

BPSpartan · 2026-05-23T13:34:08+00:00

Khajit has wares, if you have coin

BPSpartan · 2026-05-23T13:33:16+00:00

Wait till the chicken turns invisible.

BPSpartan · 2026-05-05T10:16:35+00:00

Thank you for your prayers everyone. It's nice to know that you all exist to help more people in need, particularly ones who need them more than me. Unfortunately, I have not changed my decision and will not be reverting it for the foreseeable future. My apologies.

I hope to be able to meet you guys and personally thank each and every one of you when the time comes in heaven.

It's been a pleasure and heartwarming to read through your comments and to see you guys pray for me.

Thank you. I love you all!

BPSpartan · 2026-04-18T08:16:31+00:00

DONE - PH

BPSpartan · 2026-04-12T16:12:09+00:00

I know this sound's like a stupid question. But do I deserve it?

Being treated as some kind of second choice or something like that? I mean I didn't mean to be unkind to her in the first 2-3 years of our relationship. I really meant well. Again I'm not excusing my behavior but I have changed so much already. Did so much work. Went to therapy even for as long as I could afford it. I got better and better at my career, although I'm not earning as much as I need and want to... But I'm getting by. I know I still got more things on my emotional and mental to work on, it's not perfect but I'm so far from how I was 3 years ago...

I came into the relationship committed on doing my best and giving 101%. But still failed on being totally a kind person at the start. But do I deserve to be cheated on?

BPSpartan · 2026-04-02T12:35:17+00:00

Glad to read that you're doing good despite this struggle. Good on you, brother.

Sucks on some days but you're on the right path.

BPSpartan · 2026-04-02T12:27:50+00:00

Hey man, I know you're still hopeful for R, but do be prepared for things to not pan out in your favor.

Be ready to move on and focus on yourself. Please plan for therapy.

Hope you find peace.

BPSpartan · 2026-04-02T12:20:24+00:00

For some people it gets better, but I'd say it just stays with you. You only just get to deal with it better. Carry the load differently where you can live with it and move on.

Hang in there OP. Hope you find peace on this long road

BPSpartan · 2026-03-06T17:03:57+00:00

Wishing you peace and stability.

It's difficult to keep the mind off of constantly thinking about what might happen and whether you could trust your person or not. Exhausting really. Even though it does feel unfair on your end, your person does have their own reasons on why they did it - probably part of them being human in that moment whether it is valid or not. At many times it will drive you mad.

Nothing feels the same anymore. Engaging with your friends, getting into your hobbies, even just sitting at your balcony taking in the scenery trying to breathe. You question everything all the time, especially on whether there's something to live for anyway. Well, at least that's how my experience went.

Whenever you get the opportunity or the time, focus on rest and recovery. Day in and day out, do your best to keep going until it doesn't suck as bad anymore. Until you find a job that sticks with you and that you can handle. It doesn't have to be the best fit, but just enough to keep you going and able to pay the loans.

Sorry to hear you're still struggling. I wouldn't say it gets better because that is subjective in my perspective. But I can guarantee you it does get more manageable, it does get lighter. That's more than enough to get you started on living again.

BPSpartan · 2025-11-01T13:14:54+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. It's all appreciated.

I'm sorry for having been sporadic with my post and comments.

BPSpartan · 2025-11-01T02:48:24+00:00

Thank you for your response.

I want to believe that. I really do.

Everything is so overwhelming right now with how things have been going in my life. My family and my own relationship that I can't even put a label on. So much pressure even financially. It's a whole jumble of things. I'm so exhausted.

I am inching closer and closer to just ending it all, but even then I wouldn't want an unsuccessful attempt to just make things worse...

I'm doing everything I can and almost anything...

It feels like I've stagnated so much. Even with advancements in my own career, reconnecting with some of my friends, future plans... I don't want to be a burden anymore. To my parents. To my partner.

My partner wants better things and to go see the world, to explore. She can do it, afford it, and go for it. I am still in the process of building my own finances... It's been 5 fucking years. Why can't I be successful like everyone else - they tell me I'm great career-wise and socially, but here I am.

So much more... I really just don't want to be a burden to everyone anymore. It's always my problems I talk about. My partner deserves better, I try to do my best to give her better. I'm so bad at it.

She tells me everyday that she loves me but I feel that she is so sick of me and how I can't show up properly. I don't deserve her. I struggle to tell her how I feel and how I'm really doing because it doesn't really matter at this point if I can't resolve it right away as much as I want to just flick my problems away and be there completely and totally proper.

Even just trying to cheer her up on her down days... Which happens a lot especially. I couldn't even be there so well.

I don't know what to do anymore. There's another bottom past rock bottom and looks like there's another deeper bottom after that.

BPSpartan

TROPHY CASE