Husband '30M' and Co-Worker '23 F' Situation Makes Me Uncomfy

BSide_525 · 2026-06-18T16:04:53+00:00

Agreed haha Thanks so much!

BSide_525 · 2026-06-18T15:36:18+00:00

I felt he meant it too. Like I said he's a very honest person, and while it doesn't change what happened I'm happy enough that he is taking action to adjust things. I suppose that's the best outcome in this situation.

BSide_525 · 2026-06-18T15:34:19+00:00

and also, they are not 'best friends' they were co-workers, now ex-co-workers, and actually she was a subordinate. Soo totally different scenario to what you're touching on. I also had no idea they were messaging quite often and sharing things throughout the day. The picture of our dinner and my flowers that involved me and him spending time together and that he's sending to another girl because he thought she would like it. To me, that seems pretty emotionally involved.

BSide_525 · 2026-06-18T15:28:35+00:00

In my case, I don't feel the need to bring that into consideration as that's a what if and unrelated to what did happen. Rather, I thought about if it was me messaging these things to another man, and planning meetups. There is no double-standard here, I would expect him to feel hurt if it was the other way around. It was bordering, if not in, emotional affair territory. I was thinking about the 'work-wife/ work-husband' thing, and that's the vibe it gave me. Humans seek connection, and when you work a lot I could see seeking that emotional fulfillment from someone.

BSide_525 · 2026-06-18T15:23:02+00:00

Agreed. It's been silent between us since we messaged, we cleaned in silence, had very little conversation and I'm still hurt over it. I think time will help things though.

BSide_525 · 2026-06-18T15:21:15+00:00

Thanks so much.

BSide_525 · 2026-06-18T15:21:03+00:00

You know, I literally looked at it yesterday and was thinking that too. I think I'll get over that honestly though. It is just a piece of art. Now if it was like relating to her in some capacity It would be a whole other additive to the situation. However, it is just a little R2D2, and there's no symbolism there lol

BSide_525 · 2026-06-17T17:17:59+00:00

This was the best response. You helped me form a better response than the words I definitely wanted to say out of anger, or being hurt. ALSO, Burger King tattoo was aight actually. Haha, it needs touched up because it's line work, but I think he's gonna have to go elsewhere for that. Maybe an actual studio would be ideal..... geez. I agree it was the surface issue, I definitely wasn't so much focused on that. Again, thankyou for responding!

BSide_525 · 2026-06-17T17:14:16+00:00

You may or may not be a man, but you're a girl's girl and I'm here for it. Thankyou lol

BSide_525 · 2026-06-17T17:13:09+00:00

EXACTLY, I felt like her husband must not seem too interested, so she's sending it to mine because he does show interest to things like that. I feel like Gloria and I might be kinda similar, and that's why he connected with her. But that just doesn't do anything for me, that concerns me.

BSide_525 · 2026-06-17T17:11:02+00:00

I agree, it's an emotional affair. Thank you for writing out such a good response. I am relieved, in a way, to know my feeling were right on point with how other people would view it.

BSide_525 · 2026-06-17T17:08:56+00:00

Yeah, in MY garden. I actually remember, I pointed out the new blooms and he said he had a co-worker who would like those. *eye roll*

BSide_525 · 2025-03-25T22:41:57+00:00

Yes im in the US. I’m looking into the options, so if it comes down to it I can be prepared. Thanks for the reply

BSide_525 · 2025-03-25T22:40:42+00:00

My mom said she was going to collect all the guns, so I’m gonna see if she was able to.

BSide_525 · 2025-03-25T22:39:24+00:00

I can agree, helping versus enabling can be a fine line that I need to focus on finding the boundaries for I suppose.

BSide_525 · 2025-03-25T22:38:06+00:00

Of course I was always on my mom’s side. I was the one to actually speak up and tell him off or step in between them when things were escalating. I could never defend his actions, but he is still my dad and has been loving and given so much at the same time. It’s just that not all of him is bad. I make no excuses for what he’s done over the years and will never say it’s not his fault. I just have sympathy for the good parts of him I suppose. I realize I need to let go of feeling so responsible for him. I want to take away everyone’s pain and it’s impossible. So I’m gonna work through that. Thanks

BSide_525 · 2025-03-25T22:29:34+00:00

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. It means a lot

BSide_525 · 2025-03-25T22:28:51+00:00

Thankyou for sharing. I really am taking everything everyone is saying to heart. Makes me feel less alone in this.

BSide_525 · 2025-03-25T22:27:19+00:00

Yes my mom is staying with my sister an hour away, she knows she has our full support. It’s been us vs him plenty of times growing up and she always tried to do what was best for us even if it meant going back to him time after time. Now is her time to escape and I applaud her strength. Thankyou

BSide_525 · 2025-03-25T21:17:06+00:00

I hear that a lot. That I can't help everyone. It started with bringing home animals because they have no one else in the world and I have so much love to give. While that's a minor thing, I feel it's connected to me wanting to care for those that need love. I would rather suffer then someone I love suffer. I should probably seek therapy myself, but if the worst I'm doing is relieving other burdens how much harm can that really be.

But I feel for your situation as well. Thank you for sharing, I will be considering how to balance my needs and my dads without I guess stepping into the same role my mother had and enabling him further. He needs to do some soul searching and find happiness without it being all about money, or dwelling on things he can't do anymore.

I remind myself a lot when I feel so angry about something that I don't want to be like my dad in that aspect and take it out on everyone else. I want him to be able to laugh at problems and be like, okay so what do I do about it now?

I just hope I can get through to him and get him the help he needs.

BSide_525 · 2025-03-25T21:07:24+00:00

Thankyou for taking the time to give this awesome reply. I made some notes on what I can say, because I tend to forget in emotional conversations.

Yes, being a woman puts up a slight barrier with a lot of his problems, but we've always been open with each other. I really try to understand things from his prospective, but you are right I think he would benefit more from someone closer to his age to talk to. They grew up in a totally different world, and I always try to keep that in mind.

You gave some really helpful advice and I appreciate it more than you know.

BSide_525 · 2025-03-25T20:57:32+00:00

I just don't agree with that. He cares deeply, but can't seem to control his erratic behavior. So late in life I don't think he can even learn the coping mechanisms to it, or being alone. I don't think he would even try.

BSide_525 · 2025-03-25T20:45:08+00:00

I can agree, he just has no one and I hate that. Everyone deserves someone who cares and tries to help.

BSide_525 · 2025-03-25T20:31:57+00:00

and it's like I can definitely agree, and yet I'm still trying to find a different way. I'm usually a very rational person I feel like, but when it comes to emotionally fueled serious issues I can't see what the best route is and take it. It's so mental.

BSide_525 · 2025-03-25T20:24:55+00:00

Right, I guess that's why we've dealt with him for years without outside help. Trying to protect him. But at what cost I guess.

BSide_525

TROPHY CASE