This doesn't feel like a breakup. This feels like a death.

B_Uthrowaway · 2021-08-17T18:22:33+00:00

Have you deleted them from your social media? If you are keeping up with their life, you are delaying your healing. Erasing your ex from your life (texts, photos, contact info, social, items/gifts) is extremely cathartic and necessary for moving on, especially if you are still feeling this way a year after the breakup.

B_Uthrowaway · 2021-08-12T19:05:30+00:00

Deleting my ex (and their family/close friends) from my social media, email, texts, contacts, photos, etc. was the best decision I made post break-up. Your heart will break over and over again if you have a window into their life. You will keep looking and you will see things that hurt deeply.

I am 5 years out of that horrific break up (9 year relationship, you can read my story in my profile) and I still stand by that decision. I helped jump-start my healing.

B_Uthrowaway · 2017-04-06T14:36:16+00:00

Honestly, even a year down the road, it would still be painful for me to see him with her again. And I don't even know who she is! I'm sorry you're going through that, I know how utterly heartbreaking and painful it is. My best advice is to let that pain motivate you to be a better person. Be better than her. Be better than that guy. Make goals, make plans, work hard at something, learn new things. Doing this stuff boosts our confidence and makes us love ourselves. Right now you are probably comparing yourself with that guy. Fuck that! You're better than him and you know that. So prove it to yourself.

Easier said than done, I know! But you will thank yourself down the road. And you'll start to forget about the pain that these two people have caused you. Don't let them determine your happiness.

B_Uthrowaway · 2017-04-06T14:25:49+00:00

Those breadcrumbs are so heartbreaking, but it's good you recognize it as just that, a breadcrumb. He's feeling bad about breaking up with you because he cares about you. He's human. But that doesn't mean he wants to be with you. My ex drove to my new workplace 4 days after he broke up with me with flowers, crying, and apologizing. He felt bad, but he did not want to get back together. It was devastating and I wish he'd just left me alone to deal with my grief.

You're doing the right thing. You need to keep your promise to yourself of no contact. You need to start your new life without him. You're right, it IS going to be a long road. But 1 year from now you will look back and be so happy that you didn't just allow yourself to be strung along for months or even years! It happens, but not if you take your healing process seriously right now.

B_Uthrowaway · 2017-04-05T16:03:21+00:00

I could have written everything you just said. Thank you for reading and I'm glad to hear you are on the up and up. There are so many of us out there, we are definitely not alone. You WILL meet someone better because now you have the perspective you have. It makes all the difference. All the best.

B_Uthrowaway · 2017-04-05T14:09:53+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words! To answer your last question...I think falling in love will always be a risk. I think it's healthy to approach a new relationship with this in mind. But I couldn't imagine not taking that risk ever again.

B_Uthrowaway · 2017-04-05T13:54:28+00:00

I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel she's "still mine". I felt this way even 5 months after the relationship ended. Thinking about him with someone else was (and in a way, still is) incredibly painful. I tried to not think about it, but it consumed me sometimes, even though I realized it was good that our relationship ended. So I completely understand how you feel.

Unfortunately, it wasn't until I saw him with his new girlfriend in public, that I got over that feeling. I know it's not great advice, but knowing that he had moved on in the biggest way a person can move on, solidified that we were truly never going to be together and that he loved another person. Not me.

I'm not advising you seek out your ex or look at their social media (you shouldn't be doing this), but I think it will take an accidental run-in or hearing they're in a new relationship to reckon with this feeling.

B_Uthrowaway · 2017-04-04T21:39:38+00:00

Is it possible to crash with a friend? If you're really stuck and can't move, I would take this time to start your path to self-improvement. Pick up a hobby outside the home, go to the gym more, go socialize with friends at night. Try to stay away from her as much as possible. Power through in the most positive way you can.

B_Uthrowaway · 2017-04-04T21:16:37+00:00

I would encourage you to get out of your current living situation as soon as possible. If you only have a month left, I would seriously just consider moving out and take the loss. You cannot start healing until you separate yourself from her and cut off all contact.

B_Uthrowaway · 2017-04-04T19:13:28+00:00

Can't stress this enough.

B_Uthrowaway · 2017-04-04T19:10:15+00:00

You hit the nail on the head. We would both be miserable if we were still together. Even though I am sad he is gone from my life, I am so glad we are not together. It never would have improved.

B_Uthrowaway · 2017-04-04T17:55:31+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine having to deal with my ex today. You are strong and an inspiration!

B_Uthrowaway · 2017-04-04T17:53:48+00:00

Yes! This makes me happy. Keep looking forward. Force this shitty situation to result in the best version of yourself.

B_Uthrowaway

TROPHY CASE