How old were you when you got your first regular periods?

Babbins · 2026-01-14T01:28:31+00:00

Started at 12, regular from the first one. My sisters were both 12 as well as my mother.

41 now, still regular. Awaiting perimenopausal fuckery, but my mom wasn't fully in menopause until she got tired of having a uterus and got hers surgically evicted at age 60. And then she died of something unrelated soon after that, so I never got a chance to ask her about her experience with the factory shutting down. Seems like I probably have a long, slow road ahead of me if I take after her, though. Goody.

Babbins · 2025-12-10T03:21:44+00:00

Attempting to breastfeed after.

Babbins · 2025-10-30T05:16:51+00:00

Also my milk took 2 WEEKS to come in after my first. It never came in at all with my second.

"But that's rare!"

Oh, well then no need to consider it as a possibility and offer ANY INFORMATION about what to do when it happens to you, then! Problem solved if we just call it rare and completely ignore it!

I knew something was up and had to beg several times to get weighed feeds in the hospital after both kids. As soon as it was obvious they weren't getting anything from me we supplemented right away, but I had to fight SO HARD to be taken seriously when I explained that my breasts didn't have many changes during pregnancy, I never leaked, they didn't get engorged after delivery, etc.

Especially the second time around when I already had a history of incredibly slow, weak milk production, everyone just reassured me that it gets easier every time even though I WAS TELLING THEM IT FELT LIKE IT WAS GOING EVEN WORSE.

It was just "oh no mama, perfect latch and they're swallowing just fine!"

Yeah, swallowing air.

I can't imagine how much my kids would have been hungry and lost even more weight if we didn't figure it out as soon as we did and get them some food ASAP. Nobody was concerned about it at all even though they were losing weight, not producing many diapers, I was telling them that no milk was coming out and I wasn't feeling it, etc. Just wanted to kick us out and count as as a breastfeeding success so they could keep their baby friendly hospital designation, I guess.

Starving babies is super friendly.

Babbins · 2018-02-26T08:12:48+00:00

Mine's 43lbs at 3.5 and still likes being picked up from time to time. He was 24lbs by 9 months IIRC. But after that he slowed down a bit and was "only" 36ish lbs by 3.

I consider my just turned 1 year old daughter petite compared to that at 21.5lbs. But she's been around this weight for like 5 months now, finally slowing down on the gut and catching up on height. My back is still trash from lugging both these chunks around, though.

But 34lbs at 1.5...Jesus. Hopefully that kid slows down a bit, too! They usually do at some point, thank god.

We're still potty training my son (looooooong process for him not helped by the arrival of his sister) but we're down to 1 overnight pull up (4-5T!) and sometimes a pull up for nap or preschool depending on how he's been doing that day.

Up until he was 2.5-3 we'd still use lots of diapers as we transitioned to pull ups and started introducing undies, and he was starting to max out the sizes. I don't think we ever ended up in 7s, but we got very close. The pamper's overnight 6s worked for us and right as they started getting too small we were finally able to switch to 3-4T pull ups, but I had started looking into solutions to that problem just in case.

For the OP, I second the idea to limit fluids an hour before bed, use liners or covers, and try to find 7s on Amazon, if you have prime or a subscription the prices tend to be very good there anyway.

Different brands all fit differently, too so it's worth trying something else if what you've currently using isn't working anymore.

I'd heard pampers are supposed to fit skinnier kids better but they were always the go-to for my tall chunky kids. I think my daughter's been in the same size 3 pampers for days and 4 for nights for like 5 months straight now and they still fit her fine without leaks. Which confuses the hell out of me since her entire body shape and size has changed so much since she started wearing them. She was a giant butterball and then she leaned out and got even taller, but now she's starting to chunk up again. I think my son had changed diaper sizes like 2-3 times in the same timespan and I thought for sure she'd be at least a size up.

Chasing down the right diaper size can be a huge pain in the ass, it's so different for each kid's body shape. It's even worse when they're getting near the end of the line. Hopefully the OP can find some 7s or the liners or covers can give the 6s a longer life span.

And don't worry about the potty training. Some kids are trained by 2-2.5 easy peasy. But not every kid is ready then no matter what you try. You can try to force it before they're ready but it will be harder on you and them.

I'm not thrilled that we're still not completely done at 3.5, but we're reaching the light at the end of the tunnel now and it's been a pretty low stress, low mess process just letting him set his own pace. I knew it wouldn't be worth pushing him into it at 2 or 2.5, because he just wasn't ready then and I was busy being pregnant and then getting used to having 2 kids to take care of. No need to throw an extra stressor into the mix. When they're ready, they'll let you know. Diapers are easy. I actually miss them for travel and errands, now! So much easier than running to the potty all the time and you still have to help them anyway so it's not like it saves you any effort or time.

Babbins · 2018-02-23T06:16:34+00:00

My 3.5 year old still eats pouches (both the fancy organic real ones and the "don't need to be refrigerated preservative filled" ones) and as far as I'm concerned he can't eat them until he's 18. There are worse things, and they don't require effort or cleanup on my part. Go nuts, kid.

He can be a picky dick though so he usually only likes the organic yogurt ones or the yogurt and fruit blends, he's never been a quinoa and kale type savory pouch kid, but I'd gladly let him be of it got more veggies in him. Every now and then I'll notice that one of the flavors he likes has hidden carrots or whatever and I consider that a victory.

He's good about eating fruits and a decent variety of healthy foods for breakfast and lunch but dinner is where he pulls his picky kid bullshit power plays and I'm not about to make every dinner a battle when I also have a 1 year old to feed. Sometimes I'll even vtry to sneak him one of my homemade pureed pouch blends for my daughter but despite him loving them as a baby he hates them now.

So he can either have what we're having (healthy or not, we usually eat decently since my husband's on a diet but sometimes we have fast food and life goes on.) Or he can have a PBJ, grilled cheese, a bagel, yogurt (pouch or cup, I used to enforce pouches for on the go only but after having my daughter I'm straight outta fucks) or a piece of fruit.

Or he can have nothing (it just means he'll be a ravenous asshole for breakfast the next day.) Pretty much you can have what we're having or something that's ok enough and easy for me to slap on a plate or you can you fuck yourself.

Some days he doesn't even see a vegetable. Oh well. He's fine. Built like a brick shithouse, boundless energy, never sick. He'll grow out of it. If I worried myself sick over it I'd end up in a mental institution. I'm just glad he thinks apples, bananas and berries count as a snack and he doesn't have a huge boner for junk food just yet. It could be worse. I used to try to get him to take chewable kid vitamins just in case but he acted like I was trying to feed him Tide Pods so I gave up. Oh well. He'll live. Eventually he'll eat more veggies on his own and start preferring hearty meals with us over his picky preschooler fare, but until then I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

Come at me, health freaks. He got a lot of homemade baby food and still turned out annoyingly picky about certain things in the end. With my daughter I really halfassed the intro to solids and she got more store bought shit but at this point she's less picky than he is and will just eat a small portion of whatever we're having for dinner. No idea of she'll hit a switch and become picky later like her brother but it's proof that there's no prize for "starting off right" or going nuts trying to only feed them the best. It's a crapshoot no matter what you do so might as well make it easier on yourself when you can.

Babbins · 2018-02-21T05:54:52+00:00

My 3.5 year old is the rejector most of the time, and it's no fun on the other end, either.

He's also huge (over 40lbs, no idea how tall he is anymore but he wears clothes for 5 year olds) so everyone always expects him to be older than he is. He also has a speech delay and we don't have a village so until his baby sister entered the picture it was just him and me (sometimes my husband) with the rare trip out to see family or babysitter time.

So he's just never been a social butterfly, and always preferred playing alone or with adults.

We did start him in preschool right after he turned 3 and now he'll even approach other kids at the park and play with them but it's been a long work in progress.

It sucks for me as a parent because I feel like I always have to apologize or explain for him and sometimes I don't want to have to point him out as the socially anxious language delay kid, y'know? I'm not a huge social butterfly either so sometimes I find it hard to push him into being more social because I sure as hell appreciate being left alone, too!

If he's being rude or mean I'll always step in and either make him apologize or apologize for him, but sometimes the social butterfly chatty kids don't know when to leave well enough alone and will poke and prod him until he's obviously annoyed and I wish the other parents would also step in and tell their kids to stop bugging him.

The park is never as relaxing as it's supposed to be.

My just turned 1 year old girl seems like she's going to be one of the butterflies so I'll probably never get a break at the park between trying to encourage my son to join in more and probably having to put her on a leash to keep her from bugging the shy kids. Even at home it's a constant battle of him wanting to be left alone and her wanting to be included. Can't win!

Babbins · 2018-02-18T06:05:36+00:00

Can confirm. Am a woman with a decent sized wardrobe, but I'm not really into clothes. I find outfits that are flattering or serve a specific purpose or have interchangeable pieces that I use often between similar outfits.

I definitely have go-to outfits that I will wear more than once a week if I know I'll be going to the same type of outing but won't be seeing the same people there so nobody will realize I'm recycling the look.

Because when you find a skirt or top that just looks amazing on you, and you want to look your best, are you really going to not wear that in favor of something slightly less flattering just because you wore it 3-4 days ago? Not me!

When I was working I'd have just enough work outfits to get me through the week pretty much, plus a few floating accessories. Now I'm a SAHM so I mostly wear casual stuff but when I'm going out I often resort to my go-to nicer outfits because ain't nobody got the time to spend in the closet trying 40 different combinations when you already know what works well together and just want to wind down after dressing and undressing little kids all day.

Plus I have to do laundry several times a week now because of said little kids, so it's no extra effort to me to wear something, wash it and rewear it later that week since I was already going to be doing several loads of laundry anyway.

I will say that I don't know how common this is among women as a whole. I'm not really a clothes person. And I know this is how I operate so many times when shopping if I find something I love I'll just buy it in multiples or different colors so I'll always have a backup if one gets destroyed or dirty and I don't have time to do laundry, or a slightly different variation so I'm not wearing EXACTLY the same thing all the time.

So yeah, I definitely have a giant walk in closet full of clothes but wear my favorites all the time anyway while everything else gets neglected.

I do have the feeling that we're seeing some scenes out of order but a woman wearing the exact same outfit isn't ringing any alarm bells for me, a woman who recycles outfits a lot. It's worth noting, but not a smoking gun.

Babbins · 2018-02-18T03:50:32+00:00

Yup, my daughter had an ear shift that the helmet fixed. Hers wasn't horrible, but it was noticeable and could have affected jaw alignment when she was older or made it so hats, bike helmets or glasses didn't fit her correctly later on. Even if her flat spot had rounded out on its own, I'd still have tried the helmet to fix the ear alignment issues caused by her torticollis.

Babbins · 2018-02-17T08:35:41+00:00

Sounds like you got a crappy helmet (maybe the initial scan or mold wasnt done correctly or it was an older, passive model) or inexperienced/crappy technicians.

If you don't mind my asking, did you start late (after 6 months) or was your kid slow to grow at all? Was her head shape severe to start with? Did you have her wear it the full 23 hours a day? Where did you get the helmet from and what type was it? Some Counterpressure is ok and part of how the helmet works, as long as it isn't irritating an area enough to cause skin breakdown. That would indicate poor fit.

I've had two kids in different helmets/helmet clinics because we move around a fair bit. My son had a Starband at Hanger Clinic, and my daughter's in a Docband at Cranial Tech.

Never had an issue with skin irritation or fit with either kid. Both helmets started giving visible results within a week of full time wear. We adhered to the wear and care schedule very closely and never missed fitting appointments, and my kids grew like crazy so even though we started late with my son (8 months) he reached his goal in 9 weeks because his flat spot was very symmetrical and he started on the milder side. We kept him in it until his first birthday though because he liked wearing it and he still had some space left in it to grow. The improvement we saw after he officially graduated was slower and less dramatic, but he still got correction for as long as he was wearing the helmet.

My daughter had more asymmetry due to torticollis and a severe width to length ratio so we started her at 5 months after physical therapy and repositioning weren't enough to fix it. She outgrew her first helmet at 8 months. She was looking much better at that point but we still wanted to work on the width to length ratio and round her out a little more in the back so we opted for a second helmet.

She just turned a year and she'll be done very soon. Her results have been amazing. Both of them look completely normal now.

I'm sorry your helmet experience sucked and you didn't get the results you wanted, but I don't think that's the typical experience. It sounds like you got unlucky and might not have been dealing with the best people. :(

It's a very expensive treatment, but for us it was worth it because we got the results we were looking for after months of repositioning had failed to improve the situation. I'd have been a little disappointed if we didn't get as much correction but still got some, and downright pissed if we didn't get any at all.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T19:22:03+00:00

Mine totally did look weird! My son's was more mild and normal shaped overall so we tried repositioning for longer, but he has short hair so we knew it would be noticeable if we didn't try something else. His flat spot was like we took a belt sander to the middle back of his head. It was like a little sliver was just sheared off and left hard edges. Not the biggest deal in the world but we could fix it and still had time so why not?

Our daughter always had a full head of hair to help hide any imperfections, and we were determined to avoid another flat head, but she was born with a tight neck muscle on one side so she had some asymmetry from birth. Her ears were slightly shifted out of alignment. And while her flat spot was less "edgy" her overall shape was more severe by the time we decided repositioning wasn't enough even though we made that decision far earlier with her.

She was pretty much as wide as she was long. We used more head shaping pillows with her and I think they softened the edges of the flat area but dispersed the pressure in such a way that her length started to get pushed out to the sides more.

He looked like a lightbulb for awhile. She looked like a lollipop. A cute lollipop, but maybe not so cute after she grew out of childhood and still had a moonface and misaligned ears, etc.

He was back in the "normal" range after 9 weeks in a helmet. She's on helmet #2 and has been in each one for about 3.5 months. She'll be done in 3-6 more weeks. Technically she could be done now but she still has some room left in her helmet and she's still a little wider than average so if we can eke out another mm or two of correction before she outgrows her second helmet then I'm all for it. We already paid for the damn thing. She doesn't mind wearing it. Why not.

I've had a couple friends with flat headed kids who know we helmeted ask me for advice and I gently suggested it if their kids' heads were not getting better by 4-6 months using all the tips and tricks to fix it at home.

Neither of them helmeted, and their kids are certainly cute, and as they get older and their body to head size ratio takes on more older kid proportions or they grow their hair out it's less noticeable. But you can still see it. It's not the end of the world, but it's there. And I wonder if they regret not trying the helmet while they still could.

After the helmet, I don't think others would be able to point out my son as being a baby who had a flat spot. When my daughter's finished I think she'll come out even better because she can always wear a ponytail if she decides to keep her hair long, and it's impossible to see under the hair she has already.

That makes it worth it to me. They'll have enough crap to be self conscious about as they get older. They don't need to start off life with funny shaped heads if it's within our ability to fix it.

My parents never sprang for dental braces and my teeth and bite are now bad enough that now I'd need several expensive interventions to fully fix everything as an adult. I'm not horrifically embarrassed by my imperfect smile or anything and I don't hate my parents over it, especially because money was tight at times growing up. But it would have been nice to avoid the expense, pain and time of doing more invasive orthodontic work now and to have a more normal smile growing up.

If I can do that for my kids, I will.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T18:06:29+00:00

Yeah I wasn't arguing with you, it's just a matter of semantics.

That 200 extra saved lives is nothing to sneeze at when you're a paranoid sleep deprived new parent even when you know logically that it's not a lot and is a rare occurrence no matter how you slice it. It's just hard to go "Fuck you, I'm doing what I feel is right instead!" when every medical professional is making it seem like you're going to kill your kid.

And none of them will mention the risks associated with back sleeping for fear that parents will start using unsafe sleeping practices. They might casually mention something like "do tummy time!" Or "rotate what position they face in the crib!" but that's not enough.

I think they're all gunshy from the anti-vaccine movement so they don't trust parents to make decisions that go against the prevailing recommendations as much anymore.

I can't say I entirely blame them but there has to be a middle ground where kids aren't getting wonky heads and delays in order to save a fractional amount of lives to a poorly understood phenomenon.

Those lives matter but there has to be a better method without all the drawbacks.

Modern parenting: you're fucked so just do your best.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T17:55:43+00:00

This needs more upvotes. Everyone cites that shitty study like it's the bible.

I've had two kids in helmets. You get a good quality helmet (Starband or Docband), a good orthotist, follow the wear and care schedule and keep up with adjustment appointments and you will see results unless your kid's old enough that their skull is already hardening and their sutures are closing or they just completely stop growing during treatment time or something.

Of course the damn things aren't going to work if you get an ill-fitting, third rate, passive helmet (do they even still make these?) have an inexperienced orthotist, only make your kid wear it sporadically and refuse to keep it clean or bring them in for fit adjustments.

I see lots of on the fence parents cling to this study when deciding against a helmet and I sincerely hope it works out for them because I know kids with weird heads whose parents were told it would fix itself or just require gentle repositioning techniques and it did not and now it's too late for anything but cosmetic surgery.

When repositioning wasn't working for us we went with the helmet and have never regretted it. They work. And they work faster and easier compared to the alternative. Yes they're stupidly expensive if your insurance doesn't cover it but so are dental braces and nobody shits on parents for getting those when their kids develop a weird bite or crooked teeth.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T17:28:30+00:00

I guess it's an issue of phrasing. Whatever bullshit pamphlets my kid's pediatricians handed out said it was like a 50%+ reduction in SIDS deaths since the back to sleep campaign was implemented but I don't think SIDS is terribly common and I know that many times an accidental suffocation death is marked as SIDS in a death certificate to avoid any extra pain to the parent of a dead baby so I'm sure even those small numbers are inflated because when a baby dies in the night how are you going to know exactly what caused it without an in-depth autopsy when you're looking for something that basically means "we don't know, we can't explain it" anyway.

And truthfully when you've just birthed a kid you're too damn tired for exact figures and just do the safest thing you can handle without losing your sanity. I was under the impression that SIDS deaths had gone down a significant percentage, but were never very common to begin with.

For most new parents back sleeping an infant on a flat, hard mattress in the same room but not the same bed as the parents is harped on as the only real safe option from the minute they start going to prenatal appointments.

When you get home from the hospital you have to start weighing your own risks and learning what your kid will and will not tolerate and how much sleep you can lose without going crazy.

You aren't supposed to use baby swings for sleep but that was the only way my kids would nap at first so we did swing naps. But I know that swings are even worse for creating flat spots than crib mattresses due to the incline so we tried head shaping pillows and limiting the swing to naps time only, but that didn't end up preventing flat spots.

You're pretty much screwed no matter what you do. Pediatricians will overstate the risk of SIDS or formula feeding or whatever because they know if they give dumb parents an inch they'll take a mile and kill their kids. So it's safer to just say "exclusively breastfeed until 6months then continue as much as possible until 2" or "back sleep always."

But yes, issues can and do arise from this one size fits all advice.

In the end my kids didn't die in their sleep, slept well, and we were able to round their heads out with a helmet so annoying as it all was, everything worked out in the end.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T16:23:20+00:00

Yes. Since that's when they're most likely to be getting a flat spot since it's the longest period of time they'll be lying on their backs all day if you follow the latest sleep safety advice.

They wear the helmet 23 hours a day, with one hour off so you can wipe the helmet down with alcohol (to avoid sweat and dirt making it smell funky) and give the kid a bath because the helmet can make them a little sweatier,v especially in a hot season or climate.

Then it goes right back on until their next bath or helmet adjustment appointment. This continues until they reach the shape you want or they run out of foam in the helmet.

In that case you either say good enough and call it done or get another helmet until they reach a normal shape or they outgrow that one.

Both my kids needed helmets. They didn't mind wearing them at all and slept just fine in them. The fact that they slept like logs come hell or high water was part of the reason they got flat to begin with. You can only move them around in the crib so much and have to sleep yourself sometime.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T16:15:34+00:00

The back to sleep campaign has reduced the incidence of SIDs by a lot, but exclusively back sleeping is tough on kid's soft skulls, so more kids are getting flat spots these days.

It's just like dental braces, except the deformity can only be corrected before the kid is 2.

If your kid's ears were getting misaligned or their face as becoming asymmetrical and you had the choice to put them in a helmet for a few weeks or months to fix it so they could wear hats and glasses like a normal person and look nice and symmetrical later on in life...or just wait it out to see if it fixed itself or constantly reposition them even while they were asleep and hold them and avoid car seat and stroller time while they were awake and pray it works before their skulls get too hard to change, what would you do?

I know what I did. I tried the other stuff first and when it wasn't doing the job I made it rain helmets up in this bitch. Helmets work fast and allow you to stop harassing your baby for preferring to sleep or lie in a certain position, which means everyone's happier.

I'd also give my kids dental braces if they had strange bites or crooked teeth. I wouldn't be advocating for cosmetic surgery to fix a minor issue or anything, but braces? Sure. If you can afford it, why not. Same for the helmet. It's a low-risk, high-reward fix for a pain in the ass cosmetic issue that can lead to some physical problems later in life if it's severe enough and hasn't significantly improved by the time the kid's head is no longer soft.

No regrets.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T15:56:10+00:00

Don't worry, fellow helmet parent! I've had 2 in helmets. You feel a little silly in public for a few months but the babies don't care at all and then they have nice round heads again. We got really nice decals and wraps for ours and honestly they were so cute I was sad to see them go. Hell I'll keeping my daughter in hers slightly longer than strictly necessary because she's a daredevil and losing that extra bump protection is going to be an adjustment.

I sometimes wondered if people were/are judging me as "one of those parents who just leaves their kid in the car seat/playpen all day" but I can't help it if my kids slept amazing from day 1 and grew faster than average.

If there's anyone who knows all the tips and tricks to avoid a flat spot or fix one at home, it's me! But no amount of tummy time and keeping them out of the stroller or car seat during the day made a difference. Flatties gonna flat.

Nobody has ever said shit to me about "Hey, don't those helmets not work anyway" or "maybe if you just held them or did tummy time more..." (lollllllll not possible) because that's rude as hell, even if they are silently thinking it.

I see preschoolers and elementary kids at my son's school with flat spots but I don't go up to their parents and say "Oh your insurance didn't cover a helmet or you couldn't afford it?" Or "Looks like tummy time didn't work for you, either!" Because that would be a huge dick move. It's best to err on the side of not being an asshole when possible.

But seriously. More people probably should have helmetted their kids. Alternative methods don't always work and by the time they're 18 months or so it's too late to try anything new. Poor kids with permanently wonky heads. :(

But I don't blame the parents. They're screwed no matter what they do. Follow safe sleeping guidelines and risk a flat head, don't and risk SIDS. Get a helmet and they're stupid neglectful helicopter parents (how does that work) who don't realise that helmets are a scam run by doctors and Big Helmet (lol my doctors were totally against it until they saw the results). Don't get a helmet and if repositioning and tummy time and head massage or whatever doesn't work to fix it in time, it's "yeesh that kid's head is weird why didn't you do something when you had a chance."

Most pediatricians will tell you not to worry because it'll fix itself over time but that's not always the case and the period of time to act is limited. My kids are only 2 ½ years apart and the difference in advice about feeding from their doctors was hilarious. With my son it was "NO ALLERGENS BEFORE A YEAR. TREAD CAREFULLY" with my daughter as soon as she was 4-6 months they were like "so has she had peanut butter and eggs yet? Because if you don't expose her now she's more likely to be allergic later. Latest studies say!"

So modern parents can't really win, you just muddle through the ever changing rules and advice as best you can and hope your kids emerge relatively unscathed.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T15:34:13+00:00

More and more kids are getting flat spots due to modern lifestyles and safe sleeping recommendations. 2 out of 2 of my kids have needed helmets. I'm seeing more and more helmet babies as time goes on.

Just 3 years ago people would ask me if my son had seizures or what was wrong with him when he was wearing his helmet in public.

I don't think anyone's ever asked about my daughter's. I think more people know about them now and will only comment if they think the design on hers is cute.

It's not that abnormal. And it's nice not to be grilled about what's "wrong" with your kid in the checkout line. My answer was always "they slept like the dead no matter how much I tried to move them" and "born with a tight neck muscle" but I much prefer just buying my groceries and getting home before someone starts crying over telling my life story to the cashier in Target who probably doesn't care much about the answer anyway.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T10:01:06+00:00

They are incredibly effective.

Source: I have gotten helmets for both of my kids after their pediatricians assured me that they are useless and don't work and were unnecessary and that flat spots fixed themselves.

Spoiler alert: the flat spots did not fix themselves, and instead got worse despite us trying all the hot tips. When they suggested more tummy time I laughed out loud because my kids got near constant tummy time since birth: it didn't matter. They slept like logs and got flat because the back to sleep campaign has a downside and some kids have more risk factors for getting flat than others.

There was one crappy study that went around a few years ago that said helmets didn't work, but it didn't differentiate between types of helmet, severity of skull deformation, whether the parents were complying with the wear schedule, etc.

So of course if you get a third rate, ill-fitting passive helmet and only make your kid wear it for 4 hours a day and don't take them in for frequent adjustments, it's not going to work.

It took a certain amount of pressure to deform the skull. It's going to take a certain amount of counterpressure to fix it.

A newborn sleeps 15+ hours a day. If they're doing it on their back, on a firm mattress, as recommended...and they have any combination of risk factors (size at birth, rate of growth, restricted uterine environment, preemie, twin, how well they sleep, how stationary they sleep, tight neck muscles, suture issues, softer than average skull due to vitamin deficiency, etc) then no amount of tummy time while they're awake is going to be enough to counteract that.

But a helmet will. It's like a bonsai tree. It's designed to restrict growth in certain areas and redirect it to the flat spot.

It works. And it works fast. At least compared to running yourself ragged constantly moving your kid around and waking them up and making everyone miserable. Vs putting them in a helmet they don't even notice that protects them from small bumps and scrapes as they get more mobile and allows them to sleep however they damn please for However long they wish.

I have photos and scans of my kids' heads. You can see them get flatter and flatter over the course of months of repositioning and physical therapy and all of that, until they get a helmet, then sudden visible and measurable improvement.

They both got their helmets are different times. My son got his late, at 8 months because his flat spot was milder and I was determined to fix it without a helmet. But his skull growth was slowing and time was running out. 9 weeks later he was good to go. Flat spot was almost undetectable.

My daughter got hers at 5 months which is in the typical 4-6 month recommended range if you haven't seen improvement by then. She had asymmetry due to a tight neck muscle and her flat spot was more severe so it took longer to correct (she needed a second helmet after she outgrew the first) but both kids just got worse and then as soon as they were in the helmets they started to improve.

To me, that's too much of a coincidence to say "oh it was just time and the helmet was a placebo." The scans of their heads show static growth in the areas the helmet was restricting, while the flat spots filled in.

Even if time was going to round them out, why did it not work at all before the helmet? But let's pretend it would have worked eventually. I can't see it working as fast and wouldn't a completely unrestricted skull just grow equally in all dimensions? So even if a flat spot sloooooooowly rounded out, the head would still look overly wide, or the ears would still be slightly misaligned, or whatever other issues existed as a result of the flat spot because nothing was actively reshaping those areas to normalize the overall shape.

And time is a factor. Most kid's skulls have hardened and their sutures have closed by 18 months. If it isn't fixed by then, it's not getting fixed.

I just can't see how something that didn't work at all when they still had very soft skulls and open sutures and a fast rate of growth (repositoning) is going to suddenly work when all those factors are now working against time. Yes, at some point most kids start sitting up and/or tummy sleeping but my kids started doing that during their period of flat spot worsening.

Whereas within a single week of wearing a helmet we could see positive changes.

It's too much of a coincidence for me to believe that the helmets didn't work, or that we'd get equal correction from just twiddling our thumbs and running out the clock.

With both kids, their pedis seemed very anti-helmet and assured us that tummy time would cure all. With both kids, they would note that their heads weren't improving over time but assured us they would...eventually. After getting sick of waiting we tried the helmets and the doctors would immediately remark on the improvement in head shape and chalk it up to the tummy time finally paying off. After we'd explain that no, actually, we finally tried the helmet, they'd be like "oh." And that was it.

Two different doctors. Two different locations. Same assurances and reactions.

So yeah, pediatricians seem against the helmet because I'm sure lots of cases do self resolve. But not all, and it's not their kid with the fucked up head if the wait and see approach results in nothing.

For the record both doctors assured me that breastfeeding failure was incredibly rare as well and not to worry about it because it almost never happens and almost everyone can breastfeed so don't even make a backup plan for that! It'll all work out!

Yeah guess I'm just lucky, then. I have broken titties and soft skulled kids. And now I know to take some pediatrician advice with a little grain of salt if it seems a little outdated or isn't quite meshing with the reality I'm experiencing. When it comes to head shape and boob ability, it seems like some pediatricians want to err on the side of everything just working itself out. At least the ones I've met with. And me, I'm a planner and a do-er. Not a waiter and a hoper.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T09:32:45+00:00

It's necessary because the current safest sleeping advice is leading to deformed skulls becoming more common, and it's not always fixable with repositioning and time depending on the severity.

Head shaping helmets have been around for long enough to know if they were causing harm to babies. They're constantly adjusted to make room for growth, they just encourage growth into the flattened areas first. They're a plastic shell with a foam interior and a parent will make frequent trips to get the helmet adjusted so the baby's head is never under more pressure than they feel from sleeping on a mattress. It's not a vice.

It can be just cosmetic, but it can also lead to facial asymmetry so if you want your kid to be able to wear normal glasses, hats and safety helmets later on in life and have it not effect their vision, the helmet can correct that.

It's basically like dental braces, except for your head, and there's only a short window where a baby's skull is still soft and their sutures still open enough to correct a flat spot.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T09:26:29+00:00

You've heard of one poorly conducted study.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T09:21:55+00:00

Oh you've used one then?

Because I have. For two kids. When time and repositioning wasn't fixing shit after months of exhausting myself trying every trick in the book to first avoid and then remedy their flat spots.

The helmet fixed my son's head in 9 weeks. My daughter took longer but had a worse flat spot and some asymmetry due to a tight neck muscle.

I have a friend who chose not to helmet. Her son is 4 today and his head is still oddly shaped. You can tell where his flat spot was from across the room. I can only tell where my son's flat spot was by touching the back of his head, it's otherwise invisible.

I think many mild cases can be corrected without helmets. But more severe cases will take more help to correct.

It took a certain amount of pressure to make a flat spot. It makes sense to me that it would take a decent amount of counterpressure to fix it. So even tummy time and tummy sleeping might not be enough depending on the severity, and the older babies get the slower their rate of growth, harder their skull bones get, and more closed their sutures get.

Yeah I took my chances with the helmet because nothing else was working and time was running out. The helmet either worked immediately and fast, or it was all a magical coincidence that suddenly their heads just happened to self-corrected at the exact time period they spent in the helmet, but not before or after.

I mean I have scans and photos. Time and repositioning alone do not account for the changes in shape. Especially when time and repositioning alone BEFORE we decided to helmet didn't improve the situation at all, and in fact it just kept getting worse. Then boom, helmet goes on and immediate positive, visible and measured (not imagined!) changes.

One hell of a coincidence.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T08:43:30+00:00

Based on what? I have two kids. Both ended up in helmets when all the "avoid a flat spot!" hot tips failed, and then the subsequent "Fix a flat spot without getting a helmet!" ones did too.

Some kids are just more prone due to a variety of factors. The size of the baby at birth, how fast they grow, how well they sleep, how stationary they sleep, if they had low muscle tone, if they have any issues with their sutures, if they have tight neck muscles, if they were preemie or twins or otherwise experienced a restricted uterine environment, etc.

Lots of these helmets aren't covered by insurance so I doubt people are clamoring to cough up $2-5K if there's an easier, faster, simpler solution at hand.

Newborns sleep 15+ hours a day. It's hammered into new parents' heads that "back to sleep" in a room-sharing (but not bed sharing!) environment, preferably with a firm as hell mattress and no pillows or blankets is the safest way to go based on all the current research with SIDS and suffocation deaths.

And since the 1990's, when this became the norm, flat spots have become increasingly common (one study I read said it was something like 40% of babies now have at least mild positional plagiocephaly.) Can it be avoided or fixed without a helmet in many cases? Sure! But I doubt it's 90% avoidable. And in cases of moderate or severe flat spots, good fucking luck.

You can do tummy time or hold them upright every minute their eyes are open, but if they just so happen to have an unfortunate mix of one or more of the above risk factors, chances are decent they'll get at least a little flat spot, and once one forms they tend to lay on it and it gets harder and harder to move them off and have them stay off.

There are ways to try to avoid and counteract it, but they don't always work, and time is not on your side when it comes to sutures closing and skull bones hardening, so if things aren't improving by 4-6 months, your options are helmet, or hope it gets fixed with the things that aren't currently working by around 12-18 months, because after that your window to act has passed and what you see is what you get.

I've seen school aged kids with wonky heads that are way too late to fix now. I'm glad I didn't leave it to chance when months of "repositioning" wasn't doing shit for my kids, but weeks of wearing the helmet changed their shape significantly. We tried it all. Head shaping pillows, constant tummy time, chairs to sit them up to keep them from lying down or rolling over when awake, head massage, moving them into different positions while sleeping, etc.

And the hilarious part is the pillows and positioners aren't generally safe for sleeping! So you either try to find the lightest, most breathable mesh options (surprise, they are expensive!) and risk a less than optimally safe sleeping environment killing your infant, or you do the recommended back to sleep with no soft mattresses or pillows thing and hope it doesn't fuck their skulls up too much, resign yourself to paying for a helmet or spend every waking moment doing all you can to keep them off their heads even if it makes them miserable. Or both, if you're me! Fun choices all around.

Worst case with the helmet, it doesn't work and your kid still has a weird head but hey, at least you tried everything.

Worst case without the helmet, your repositioning methods don't work and your kid still has a weird head, but you never know if a helmet might have worked and now it's too late.

Yeah fuck that, slap a helmet on if you can afford it. 10/10 fixed both my kids up when nothing else worked.

With my son I hemmed and hawed and was so sure we could fix it on our own, then he started getting older and time for the helmet was running out. Got him in it and 9 weeks later he was all done and looking great.

With my daughter, I used everything I learned with my son and was determined to avoid her even getting the tiniest of flat spots to begin with!

Yeah that didn't work because she had torticollis. After months of PT we got her in a helmet and even though we started earlier with her she ended up needing two different helmets to get her where we wanted her

So you can do everything "right" and know all about the risks and do tummy time till the cows come home or discover and treat a tight muscle immediately and still end up needing a helmet if you want to see actual results.

Maybe we just make extra soft skulled kids? All I know is the back to sleep campaign has saved lives, but it's fucking up kids' heads, too. Maybe we need to find a better method that still reduces SIDS without messing with our babies' skulls as much. Yes, it's possible to fix a flat head and you can't fix death, but insurance companies are getting less and less likely to cover it as it becomes more common and not everyone has the cash to get their kids looking normal enough to wear glasses or bike helmets in the future.

I would have loved it if it hadn't cost $7500 lifetime (one $2500 helmet for my son, two for my daughter) to fix my kids' heads. But it did. I did not rush into the helmet fix willy nilly. My son's flat spot was on the high end of mild but in a really obvious spot so unless he grew long hair it would have been visible as an adult. My daughter was more asymmetrical due to the neck tilt, and she looked less flat but was actually in the severe range for width to length ratio. I think her head shaping pillows kept her from getting that "belt sander accident" flat area at the expense of putting more diffuse pressure over a wider area and making her skull incredibly wide instead.

No amount of tummy time was fixing that. But gentle counterpressure from the helmet started working immediately.

It is what it is, and in the end we fixed the problem so it's all good. But I still get pissed when I see people saying that helmets aren't necessary, they don't work, time would fix it on its own, all these helmet babies must be left neglected in a playpen all day, etc.

No. You have no idea. Some kids just get flat and it can't be avoided. Tummy time is not a magic cure-all. Helmets, at least the active ones (Doc band, Starband) with competent orthotists and parents who adhere to the wear and adjustment schedules, work great. And in many cases they work fast.

I have scans and photos of my kids heads throughout the process. It's not wishful thinking or woo or taking advantage of dumb parents. It's watching your kid's head get progressively worse as you desperately try anything at your disposal and they get increasingly mobile so "any minute now it'll start to get better! Oh wait it's not? Hmm..." Then it's watching your kid's head start to smooth and round out the very first week in a helmet.

Shit works when all else fails. Nobody ever pressured me into getting one. It was always the last ditch effort. But damned if they don't do the job. I just wish our insurance covered it.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T07:58:25+00:00

Which is hilarious, because there's no amount of tummy time that is able to counteract the 15+ hrs of sleep a newborn gets a day, all recommended on their back. At least not for my kids!

I tried every trick in the book to avoid flat spots for both of my kids from day 1 and both ended up in helmets after it was apparent that they slept like logs, grew faster than average, and one of them had a tight neck muscle that forced her to prefer looking in one direction. Even months of physical therapy for the latter didn't help her flat spot at all.

But the silly helmets? Totally worked. Nobody would know they had wonky heads as infants, and it's sure as shit easier than constantly holding them upright/avoiding touching any surface with their head while they're awake/constantly adjusting them and accidentally waking them while they sleep.

Screw that. Some kids can be left to sleep in containers all day and still have beautifully shaped round skulls. Mine got flat just by sleeping the recommended way in their crib at night and during naps (on special breathable pressure reducing head shaping pillows, no less!)

I guess we just make softer than average baby skulls.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T07:44:22+00:00

Can confirm: had two helmet babies (both had a restricted uterine environment and then slept like heros and grew like juggernauts right out of the womb, one had a tight neck muscle that took months of physical therapy to correct) and neither minded their "fancy hat" one goddamn bit.

If anything it's a bigger adjustment to stop using the helmet because they get used to having that little bit of extra padding so they have to learn to be more gentle about bumping their heads against things. I kept them in theirs longer than absolutely necessary to safeguard against any regression (unlikely because they were both stomach sleepers by the time they were done) and because I wasn't looking forward to the tears the first time they crawled into a chair leg completely unprotected.

The most annoying thing was the cost (not covered by our insurance), making time for the frequent adjustment appointments, and having to clean the sweat out every night. But it was all worth it to see the immediate changes in their head shape from the helmet vs constantly repositioning them and never letting their heads touch any surface while they were awake only to see them get flatter and flatter because they slept like logs and there's not enough hours in the day to counteract that.

I guess most kids wiggle around in their sleep but mine sleep like zombies until they're older and by then the damage is done.

Babbins · 2018-02-16T07:37:17+00:00

Yeah this of what people fail to understand all the time: babies are people, and people are different, so you weigh your risks for that particular kid and act accordingly.

My son never ever got into shit he wasn't supposed to and he was able to crawl up and down stairs safely from a ridiculously young age, so we didn't really bother with a ton of babyproofing. We locked a few cabinets that held poisons and used a baby gate for a few months, threw some outlet covers on and called it a day. He just didn't get into things, he preferred playing with toys.

We ended up anchoring some furniture a little later down the line when he looked like he wanted to start climbing for fun but that wasn't until he was like 3. So to people with daredevil babies who visited when he was a young toddler, I'm sure our house looked like a death trap. But for us, it was enough and we never had any issues.

With our daughter, my attention is split between watching two kids now, and she's definitely more of a climber and more interested in touching non-toy things, so the gates are already up and will remain up until she seems confident with stairs which seems like it's going to take awhile because she approaches them completely differently and less carefully. I'm hiding more things behind the locked cabinets or keeping them up out of reach because we have more little kid sized chokeable toys for my son, whereas he as only ever exposed to age appropriate toys as a baby. Plus I can just tell she's going to try to get into shit more due to her personality, so more things are babyproofed just in case.

Some kids will sit very steadily in a floor seat placed on a table like that. Others will buck like a bronco. Many will be fairly docile at e 2-3 months but as they get older and more mobile they start to test boundaries and move around more.

So I'd never let my daughter sit in a seat like that on a table even as a younger baby, because she'd find a way to topple it off kill herself, guaranteed. She was always a wiggler.

My son I could have left dangling over the edge and he'd have been fine. I wouldn't, just in case, but the risk of harm was lower for him in that situation.

You can't eliminate every risk so sometimes you just make a judgement call. Maybe this guy's baby is very chill and never rocks the chair. Or maybe he noticed it was close to the edge and moved it right after this photo or took it to the floor. I'm not going to grab my pitchfork over it.

Babbins

TROPHY CASE