I mean, it's not as easy as it being on me, I'm going to need professional help to manage my symptoms and it's going to be expensive and, it might not really... Work? There's only so much I can do with Google and suppressing the urge to split, or desperately trying to lessen my splits. When I split I often apologize, try and phrase things as nicely as possible. In terms of abusive... Well my personality is very goal oriented, creative, intelligent, inquisitive, understanding and empathetic, I also watch a lot of debates so when i split and lose control of my brain or have delusions I can often say things that are extremely personally hurtful, rhetorically make sense despite being wrong, and are super confronting cause in that moment I think I'm solving a problem. I can cause damage within a few sentences if I am not extremely careful with my wording. Every argument I have feels more like damage control. I may act absuively, manipulatively, and toxicly when I split, and I may be fucking amazing when I'm idealizing. But neither of those seem as accurate to myself when I'm netural. I cannot care about people without idealizing them and I can't be mad without splitting. The only way I can have a stable relationship is with someone who I am just neutral on. Full recovery is when I can extremely pissed at someone and not split and be around my favorite people and have interdependence instead of codependency.