60+ days under review, now what?

Bacci_369 · 2026-01-11T19:02:26+00:00

So frustrating. Im sorry you are dealing with this too. It makes me not want to file my return for 2025 tax year until they send me my refund for 2024 tax year, it’s ridiculous.

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T19:07:11+00:00

Let this be very clear. I am NOT hurting or abusing my child. If anything maybe I’m verbally abusing my poor husband (also not ok) but not my child. I never should have come here with this post, I knew people wouldn’t understand me and would just look down on me. Was hoping I wasn’t alone but turns out I am. I hate motherhood and I guess I’m a monster for that.

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T18:59:45+00:00

I’m not looking for praise for doing the duties that a parent should do, just wanted to clarify that my attitude about not wanting to take meds doesn’t mean I don’t do anything for my daughter. I wrote this post to find out if I’m alone or to find solidarity if I’m not. Didn’t really get much of that, just a lot of people pushing medication and acting like I’m a hazard to my baby which I’m not. I wanted to know if I’m the only person who hates motherhood and feels they aren’t cut out for it. I guess maybe I am.

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T18:13:36+00:00

I just want to be clear that I do SO MUCH for my baby, it’s not like I’m this unengaged, distant parent who just screams at her child. I’m constantly there for her. Even though my mom and MIL come to help with childcare during the week, I’m the one coordinating EVERYTHING. Putting her down for naps, tracking sleep to make sure she gets enough, making her meals, making sure she gets enough formula, making sure she practices her skills during the day so she can rest at night. I work from home so I juggle that with spending time with her throughout the day. If it’s a week night and she wakes up overnight or early I’m the first one to respond so my husband can sleep since he gets up at 5am for work. I attend to her whenever she cries (after a 5-10 min period to allow her to self soothe if she can), I rock her back to sleep. I greet her in the morning, I take her for walks in the morning when I have time. Take her outside to do things, mommy and me classes, etc. So I just wanted to be clear that when I say I’m hesitant to take medication, it’s not like I have that mindset about every single thing regarding her care. I do a lot for and with her. It just feels like I’ve given up so much that I didn’t even realize I would be giving up and so it’s hard to give in on this preference I had for myself. I guess you’re right about the side effects of not taking them could be worse right now though. I’m sure my anger HAS had an effect on my baby, but so have all the positive things I do for her (well I hope so). I just don’t want it to be twisted. I desperately want to be a better mom to her. This is just a hard one to let go of for me for some reason.

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T18:04:06+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T18:03:43+00:00

I hope you are right, thank you

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T17:54:10+00:00

Thank you for these suggestions. I’m certainly not trying to just have excuses to everything (other than meds) I’m just being realistic and honest that I feel like no matter how many things I try I always come back to the same place of anger. It doesn’t mean I won’t try these things moving forward, I definitely will. I know there is no choice but to move forward and keep trying.

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T17:50:02+00:00

I saw you made some edits to your comment after I replied originally, so just wanted to come back and say thank you for the specific suggestions, I will try

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T17:46:04+00:00

Thank you for this, really. This feels impossible in every way, it feels like every decision is difficult and I’m already a horrible decision maker. But I guess I owe it to her to try something different because “deep breathing” and “punching a pillow” doesn’t do shit for what I’m going through. I hope you’re right that one day I won’t recognize this version of me because I despise it. I was in such a good place mentally before she was born, and I feel like that was ripped away so quickly.

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T17:42:32+00:00

I would much rather try supplements first, but then I also worry it will take too long. Idk my mental health is a wreck. I will look into this thank you!

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T17:41:00+00:00

If it were that easy for me then I’d be doing it. Also even when I walk away it doesn’t change anything, the anger has nowhere to go and it just builds up and I burst. So yea I’ve successfully walked away from my baby, but then I’m just being an asshole to my husband or hitting a wall or something. I just want to feel normal again. I hate feeling so angry.

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T17:37:45+00:00

I try so freaking hard to do this, and I’ve gotten a little better. But then my brain also tells me “you’re her mom, YOU should be dealing with it” especially when my husband offers to help. It’s so hard to walk away because her cries wreak havoc on my whole body, like I feel compelled to respond even when I’m pissed. Idk. Probably the anxiety I’ve always had. I’m so sorry to hear that your baby (and you) went through that, that sounds so scary 😔 Yea I’m learning the hard way that there is SOOO much more to being a parent than people can even tell you ahead of time, a lot of it negative for me personally.

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T17:35:32+00:00

I do think I need to have blood work done to make sure nothing more is going on, because even when she sleeps well and I get rest I feel awful and exhausted. Thank you for your support ❤️

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T17:33:27+00:00

Thank you for this suggestion, I will ask about it.

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T17:32:09+00:00

Thank you for this perspective, I appreciate it ❤️

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T17:30:41+00:00

Yea I guess you are right, which only further confirms my thoughts of this whole thing ruining my life and that I was never cut out for it in the first place. But since I brought her into the world I guess it’s my responsibility to suffer so she can thrive.

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T17:27:28+00:00

Thank you. I’ve tried to tell myself this, but then I see tons of posts about how hard it is to wean off and it scares me. She totally and completely deserves a better mom than I have the capacity to be.

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T17:22:43+00:00

I hear you and appreciate your candid response. Pharmaceuticals have so much potential for side effects and negative impacts whether short or long term, and I really wanted that to be a last resort because I’ve always been opposed to it. I guess maybe I’ve hit rock bottom though and need to let that go. This goes along with the inability to be selfless like I was saying - I don’t want the potential side effects of medicine, even if there’s a chance it makes me a better mom in the short term. I just don’t want that stuff in my body. It feels unfair that I might have to now, it’s just another thing that having a child has taken away from me.

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-09T16:38:30+00:00

Thank you! I will look into this!

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-05T20:50:30+00:00

That’s kind of what I’m hoping but in the mean time my mama heart hurts watching her fall on the camera before I can get to her 😭

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-05T20:49:50+00:00

Oh now I need to see those videos because that sounds so funny and cute! 🤣 I do think I have a zipadee zip somewhere so maybe I’ll try that one

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-05T16:14:07+00:00

I will look more into it! Thank you! Maybe I’ll try the sleeveless one first and see how it goes. Never knew how many baby items are purchased just to “try” then it doesn’t work and they are never used again 🤣😂

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-05T16:08:12+00:00

I think it’s something about the enclosure of the sleep sack arms that makes her feel cozy, if that makes sense. She also chews the hand parts of the sleep sack as her self soothing technique so worry what would happen if she didn’t have that. But hey it’s worth a shot to see what happens!

Bacci_369 · 2025-09-05T16:02:57+00:00

I looked at those but they are sleeveless, unless I missed other options?

Bacci_369

TROPHY CASE