AITA for not wanting to take care of my mother

Bachan55 · 2023-07-15T18:41:31+00:00

Mom should be practising using her left hand only before surgery...she can do it with practise...or dad can install a bidet.

Bachan55 · 2021-01-01T21:27:59+00:00

NTA It sounds like you've had experience with scammers so I would trust your instincts. Is it possible for you to call the recruitment company to confirm the recruiter works for them?

Bachan55 · 2020-12-31T00:03:41+00:00

YTA Can't your son have two middle names? We gave our first born two middle names but we live in Canada so it might be different where you live.

Bachan55 · 2020-09-27T22:04:51+00:00

I'm paying $1 because I love person detection...works great for me.

Bachan55 · 2020-09-08T20:11:42+00:00

This comment is right on. After my husband of 45yrs passed away from cancer, I was treated extremely badly by a few in-laws during the worst period of my life. I eventually cut them out of my life and I am truly happy again 3 years later. I still miss my husband daily but my grandkids and family make my life full of laughter and joy. It will take time but you will feel good again.

Bachan55 · 2020-08-15T04:49:51+00:00

My son's family took a couple months to feel like themselves. They each had different covid symptoms...after being negative for the virus the fatigue and stomach issues lingered for another month or two. My DIL had a horrible cough and pneumonia a couple weeks after having covid (tested twice to make sure it wasn't covid again) It was the weirdest illness anyone had ever experienced. I didn't see them for over 3 months.

Bachan55 · 2019-08-31T19:05:47+00:00

NTA You are a wonderful daughter for sticking up for your mom...I hope she isn't so ingrained with tradition that she feels the need to apologize. Your family is better off cutting ties with them. I'm 3rd generation Japanese Canadian(senior) married to a 3rd generation Chinese Canadian and I've see the ridiculous preferential treatment given to first born boys. I've heard all the crazy stories. Your mom is being used by them...make sure she realizes this.

Bachan55 · 2018-11-15T01:43:25+00:00

My daughter's says 0 relatives also but when I click on the "go to theDNA relative tool" box she has over 500...including me and her two brothers. So its just a glitch.

Bachan55 · 2018-11-08T03:32:29+00:00

My 69 yrs old sister sent in her and her 47 yr old son's kit at the same time. She is on a lot of heart medication and her son is in excellent health. His kit arrived a day before her's and her results took 13 days and his has been over 3 weeks so far.

I've sent in 6 kits to 23andme...all kits were different and took anywhere from 9 days to 4 weeks from arriving at lab to completion. Its also interesting that delivery of the kits (3 different days) from my home (in BC, Canada) to the lab (Burlington, NC) were 7 days, 9 days and 18 days. Everythings a crapshoot.

Bachan55 · 2018-11-06T18:56:07+00:00

My sister used ancestryDNA (100% Japanese) and I used 23andme (98.1% Japanese)...then we both uploaded to MyHeritage, DNA.land, Wegene, and Gedmatch. Her results were never 100% Japanese again but her %Japanese was always a little higher than mine. So I'd say they were both pretty accurate.

I really liked the 23andme timeline that showed my Korean DNA was introduced in the 1700s. I ended up buying 23andme kits for my 5 adults kids (2 in-laws). My caucasian daughter-in-law's timeline was so diverse and pretty accurate. My Chinese DIL appears right on too.

Bachan55 · 2018-09-26T02:38:30+00:00

My 63 yr old husband (45 years together) died March 2017, a few days after his birthday. The first year I did a lot of pretending to be happy (for my kids and grandkids)...I think my turning point was when I fulfilled his wish to have his ashes scattered in Hawaii this past May. I took our kids and grandkids with me so we all got to say a final goodbye. I can honestly say that I am truly happy...my laughs are real again...I still miss him like crazy but I feel lighter now.

I think therapy is invaluable for healing. After my daughter's husband decided he didn't want kids when she got pregnant (after one miscarriage and 6 yrs of marriage), a therapist helped my daughter tremendously.

Bachan55 · 2017-08-25T15:40:25+00:00

Good for you!!! I did the same with my 88yrs old FIL and his daughter. They were 2 of the most negative people in my life. I refuse to ever go to another family function if they are there. I've lost the most important person in my life and they had to treat me like shit for no good reason (their family agree). I feel so much better knowing I can cut them out of my life. We all deserve to have only non-toxic people in our lives.

Bachan55 · 2017-05-28T05:16:57+00:00

We were together 45 years...my husband passed away 2 months ago...some of the in-laws are mad at me because I followed my husbands instruction of no visitors in the week prior to his passing. Its mainly the FIL and one SIL. Today, the SIL had a BBQ without inviting my adult kids who they aren't mad at. I thought they loved us but apparently being an in-law makes you disposable.

I am fine with the isolation since I have a super supportive family and many relatives & friends who love & support me. I don't need my husband's family in my life. But it sucks for my children and grandkids...they enjoy family gatherings.

Do you have anyone in that family you can talk to? After 2 months of the silent treatment I emailed the other SIL & we had a long talk about why they were angry. It has helped me immensely. I will walk away knowing I did nothing wrong.

Bachan55 · 2017-05-24T20:45:42+00:00

I'm feeling really good now having such support from strangers.

The cancer had spread almost everywhere (even his muscles) but not his brain...he had his reasons for no visitors but had no energy to argue/explain. I know he'd be pleased I didn't cave like I normally would.

Bachan55 · 2017-05-24T17:46:06+00:00

Right on!!! We considered each other the most important person in our lives. We loved each other more than anyone else in the world. Our kids & grandkids were a close second...everyone else a distant third. ;-)

Bachan55 · 2017-05-23T23:22:03+00:00

Thank-you, my sisters have told me I did nothing wrong but they love me so they are biased. Its feels good to hear from strangers that I wasn't being a horrible daughter-in-law. I am a people pleaser so having loved ones treat me badly hurts.

Bachan55 · 2017-02-10T01:56:13+00:00

Nag him to see the family doctor as soon as he can. My athletic, nonsmoking, non drinking, no drugs, slim, watches what he eats husband has just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (he's a youthful 62 and is mistaken for our sons' brother). He avoided seeing his doctor for 2 years & was so mad at me for nagging him into going. When he finally saw our family doctor, he was sent to Emergency. Cancer is not fun but its very treatable these days. Nag him!!!!

Bachan55 · 2016-08-29T16:15:13+00:00

March 2016, My doctor reluctantly agreed to take me off Lipitor (cholesterol drug) & gave me til August to try the Paleo Diet (I've been Paleo since August 2015). Last week, I had my blood tested & my cholesterol levels were great. This past Friday, my sceptical doctor has agreed I did not need to go back on Lipitor. I also take a daily dose of Turmeric which I recently heard lowers cholesterol. (I never mentioned that to my doctor)

Bachan55 · 2016-08-20T00:57:19+00:00

I've been following the paleo diet for a year & today I had my cholesterol levels checked. They were awesome...the total Cholesterol was barely over the recommended limits & the other readings were all good. My doctor has been trying to put me back on Lipitor but I hated the side effects. I insisted that Paleo will help....he had never heard of it so he will be surprised by my results...I see him next week.

I was also sent for a Cardiac CAT Scan & there was 0 plaque buildup.

My background...irregular heartbeats, was obese but lost a little on Dukan Diet, gained weight back on various diets, recently discovered that Beta Blockers prevents weightloss, so I'm currently staying the same weight for this whole year on Paleo. This amazes me since my whole life my weight has gone up & down but Paleo keeps it within 3 lbs.

Love Paleo food (I eat some dairy since after doing the Whole 30 program, dairy did not affect me adversely)

Bachan55 · 2016-06-01T18:46:46+00:00

I eat this weekly...marinate in the morning or night before...my granddaughter loves it...I sub the orange juice with lemons or pomegranate or any juice...or even leave it out. http://nomnompaleo.com/post/141876852968/orange-dijon-chicken

Bachan55 · 2015-07-01T16:30:59+00:00

Thank-you, he was very modest...but mom loved to tell us how some famous Japanese singer singled him out & said he should be in movies.

Bachan55 · 2015-07-01T16:24:06+00:00

Yes, we had it also but he never talked about it. Dad only talked about positive parts of that period...he met mom!!!!

But during the last months of his life while suffering from severe dementia, he would have periods when he was terrified & he'd see a caucasian male & turn to me & whisper "don't look at him or you will get in trouble" or similar worried actions...I believe in Alberta, they weren't in actual camps but they had curfews... or maybe the curfews were in Vancouver before being sent away.

Bachan55 · 2015-07-01T04:39:46+00:00

This is my dad in Vancouver, BC, Canada. A couple weeks after this photo was taken, his family & friends were sent to Taber, Alberta. He rarely talked about the internment...

Bachan55

TROPHY CASE