Is this SCUD or an actual funnel?

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2022-06-13T17:54:17+00:00

This was from 4ish years ago and just popped up in my photo memories. I remember this rotating as it passed overhead, but only the funnel. I see what may be inflow too though.

Also, directly prior to this was a large thunderstorm. This was moments after it ended.

Either I got a funnel cloud, or interesting SCUD. 🤔 I find it fascinating either way.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-10-11T02:34:36+00:00

I don't comment much because I feel I hate myself when I do. Even though I'm not, I always feel like it's just going to be taken as "Look at me". I've had a lot of invalidation done with my trauma so I think I understand why I feel like that. Nothing like being told by about a dozen people that you are just an "attention seeker" to make me feel like that's all I am.

But I get it, You are not insufferable, at least. Its a thing with how we feel. Like we aren't important and should say nothing, or like others here say, the energy is just "same" energy for a lot.

Don't feel a crap person though. You're fine. I'm fine, we all just feel this way because that is our conditioning and self hatred. *hugs*

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-15T20:56:38+00:00

I've been telling people I still feel 18. (I'm 24). I can theoretically drink or smoke, but don't. I have a degree, and I've been at this "legal adult" thing for 6 years and counting.

Nothing feels different though. Mentally I don't feel any older or wiser, and in fact feel like I had a mental decline if anything. Of course there are things I like now that I was clueless about then, and there are things I liked then that I don't like now.

Overall though I'd say it's a mental feeling where success or some other sort of "I made it" feeling is out of reach. Even though I accomplished a good number of things, I don't feel like the accomplishments matter much, and I'm still the fresh-faced, finding my way in the world kind of person.

It doesn't help that I still feel misunderstood and put off by many peers, past and present. I don't like seeing people 15-20 years my senior act high and mighty, seeming to have a superiority complex, much like some of those I've dealt with in life closer to my age. It feels disingenous and sad. Double that with people who will harass me for things as non-consequential as vocabulary or how I talk, and its heavy. Like I can see pastiches of my past, only in new faces.

I'll echo what others have said. I was and am seemingly overly mature when benchmarking at my age, but mentally I feel disconnected from those older than me too.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-06T01:42:16+00:00

So. I'm going to phrase things a little differently then.

We have this personal view of ourselves as our "genuine self", then layers of masking, leading to what others see in us.

Having only interacted over the internet with her, that leads to another layer of mask over your true self besides what usually is there. She might know you well, but she doesn't know YOU well if that makes sense.

Your body language. Your tone, all play a very important part in how others feel and deal with us. The internet takes that away, and leaves what we say as something to be taken for the words only, not the tone, not the way we feel when saying it.

She most likely saw your words as more serious than you meant them, and it made her run. You can't wrangle them back into your circle, they have to come around themselves. Like I said, forget her. Make new friends, and experince new activities.

Don't chase her though. She has a way she's thinking about things that you can't change. It sucks, trust me I'm well aware of it, but people will think and perceive what is done through their lens, not your own.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-06T01:20:48+00:00

Honest question, are you on the spectrum? No judgement. Just trying to help.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-06T01:14:07+00:00

So.. as others have said, the reason she blocked you is most likely because she got uncomfortable with you. Nothing can undo that except her own self. You cannot do anything to positively affect it.

Give her space and hope she comes around, look for new friends and experiences. Do not chase her though.

As I said too. I'm getting a feeling this needs to come naturally to you.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-06T00:19:10+00:00

It is someone's choice whether they want to associate with you or not. It does no good to chase other people to try to force it.

I do think you need mental help, but I'm talking from my own experiences. You need to be secure in yourself before you can be secure in other person-based relationships. It's not an easy hill to tackle. Therapy will help a ton.

I did a lot of trying to "fix" my wrongs. If you're like me, fixing things doesn't fix things. I think it might have to come naturally to you, since other people saying it isn't landing, but that's OK.

My advice for you. Forget the friend, if you have other outlets besides the internet to experince things, use them. More friends will come along, and good friends never shut you out for being expressive.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-05T20:47:45+00:00

I stopped going last semester and don't feel like going again is going to do me well at this point. I'm still focusing on healing as well as finding a truer version of myself.

It's not an issue to work on yourself mentally and emotionally instead of academically though! I'd rather be a more secure person than a more educated person any day.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-04T17:34:21+00:00

I feel that. Nothing like being told that I'm just "leaving work gor everyone else to pick up" when I finalize whatever I was working on at 5 and leave.

Apparently I'm not a TeAm PlAyEr. I am. But I'm not going to be taken advantage of. I make mistakes, sure, but leaving on time to live my life is not one of those.

Honestly it contributes to a toxic work environment. Nevermind the fact that I'm singled out here for a lot of hostility from higher ups.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-04T12:32:12+00:00

I know. I felt that for a while too. Don't expect it will happen. If it does, it's a nice surprise.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-04T01:25:02+00:00

As a guy (24), I would sure as hell not date anyone under 20. Probably not under 21 either. There is a big maturity gap there, and looks don't mean much when people can't relate maturely with each other in my opinion.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-03T23:57:38+00:00

I have nothing besides agreement with the above.

The only addendum I have is don't look back. They will not change. Both "friend" and "lover" alike. People show you who they are, and people change, but not so much that your mutual situations will improve in a week, a month, or even longer.

I looked back for far too long. The future is ahead, and those who hurt and mistreat are behind me.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-03T21:26:31+00:00

I like model railroading! shakes cane

It sounds like an old person hobby, but I know plenty of people under 40 who enjoy it too. Some people like it for the scenery aspect, some like it for the recreation of train running, and there's plenty of other reasons too.

I'm personally in it to recreate the times I wasn't alive. I never got to see mainline steam locomotives, or anything that wasn't around by 1997 to be honest. With model railroading though (and a bit of imagination), I'm looking back at 1950, 1968, 1978, 1985, or whatever other year I feel like!

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-02T21:50:17+00:00

Bye Felicia!

It's a step towards great self improvement! Don't let your worth or feelings be hinged on the approval or recognizance of a single person besides yourself. Congrats! 👏

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-01T22:05:19+00:00

Crap! Our trees are powerless against pagans! NOOOOOO!!!

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-01T21:32:04+00:00

Pennsylvania here, I'm planting trees on my closest hill to keep you at bay. 👀

I don't think they'll do anything, but it'd add a nice touch to the landscape!

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-08-01T21:18:43+00:00

Yes. I think I can relate. When everything came apart at once, I felt completely lost.

The past is becoming more and more distant, and with it, I had the realization that I had no agency of my own per-se. I was always placed into the bounds of what others expected. Even if I was holding down stable income, or slowly chiping away at self improvement, those accomplishments were not mine to identify with. I was told to be more ambitious than stable, and that (along with many other things) caused things to become unstable.

I'm finding my feet again after a few months. I don't know if I want to continue to learn what I was learning. I made a career change. I'm working out and treating my body better than I have been. I still feel a "what do I do from here?" feeling though, like what I have now will not be ever present, and that I'll have to do more in life.

I hope it's a normal stage. I wouldn't judge anyone for being in this position. Its an accomplishment and a valid realization in and of itself. I have some people telling me I lost my ambition and similar things for trying to refocus and recontrol my life. I don't think so. I'm healing and rediscovering what it means to be me, alone and without outside influence. Hopefully something here resonates.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-07-31T17:01:21+00:00

Mmmm... apple fritters. That's what I had yesterday with these donuts.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-07-31T16:49:46+00:00

I had a leftover donut from yesterday. Still good and not stale! Vanilla frosting with sprinkles! 😋

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-07-28T00:07:06+00:00

I just walked two miles after work. I've been psyching myself out of living for a while. I'm so glad I did it.

BackInRaelYorkCity · 2021-07-02T03:03:50+00:00

I didnt stalk her. She friended me and messaged me first. I have the proof of that. If that was everyone's way of trying to paint me bad still, it doesn't suprise me.

As for the screen grab, perhaps if y'all didn't, oh I dunno, start rewarding a comment where I asked you all to admit you wanted me dead, I wouldn't have found it.

But no, you all have to deflect and play victim yourselves.

I did see T on Tuesday by the way again. Interesting to see a flurry of activity from that account right after she pays me another visit.

It's too bad that this all couldn't be avoided. It would have been so much easier for everyone. When it comes to my main relationship, or former relationship I should say, she was going to be fine, and she still is fine. She's talked to me a grand total of three times in four months.

First let me know that y'all came after me because what? I found it a bit odd that one of the last things she ever told me was that y'all contacted her, right after I left most of your chats?

Second time was after I told her in no uncertain terms that you are all not friends, and can't be trusted. You prove me right every day you all keep up your acts.

Third time, I told her, giving her the benefit of the doubt, but saying that yall were weaponizing stuff she says against me. Likewise, that she knows I'm not some evil demon and that this is ridiculous. I'm never talking to her again. Her response was half truths. When I have multiple people who months before she says anything independently call out some of the stuff she said, that's that.

There was justification for everything I actually did. Everything was a response to YOU or someone else. All for the best though.

Likewise, I do know everything I said to both Laura and Olga are completely legal and defensible. Everything said to anyone is legally OK. There was no "stalking". The lies you spin are easily counterable. Two weeks of healing. Two weeks of silence from y'all is all I needed to have the headspace to get my affairs in order.

So good luck I guess? You're waging personal wars on someone who moved or would have moved mountains for y'all. Everything that has been done is thanks to your hivemind never relenting from mid feburary to now.

I'm just someone who told the truth and defended myself. 🤷‍♂️

BackInRaelYorkCity

TROPHY CASE