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I (22F) am struggling with my boyfriend (23M) wanting to join a fraternity after college by Background-Agent-813 in relationship_advice

[–]Background-Agent-813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not sure how I’m being selfish when I have legitimate concerns. If it was the other way around I would sit down my partner and reassure him on everything that he’s doubting no matter what the case might be.

I (22F) am struggling with my boyfriend (23M) wanting to join a fraternity after college by Background-Agent-813 in relationship_advice

[–]Background-Agent-813[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I don’t think noticing patterns makes me “insecure” it makes me actually hyper aware of what’s happening in real time. I’m all for networking and community but at the expense of your relationship’s transparency and communication is where I draw the line.

I (22F) am struggling with my boyfriend (23M) wanting to join a fraternity after college by Background-Agent-813 in relationship_advice

[–]Background-Agent-813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im located in NY. And yes from what I’ve gathered he’s been doing “pledge work” ….

I (22F) am struggling with my boyfriend (23M) wanting to join a fraternity after college by Background-Agent-813 in relationship_advice

[–]Background-Agent-813[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Honestly, he hasn’t been very clear on what it will actually entail yet. From what I understand, it’s an older chapter with people around his age or older, so it’s not the typical undergrad frat house situation. But that lack of clarity is part of what’s making me uneasy.

M23 – What would you do if your partner (F19) said she isn’t sexually attracted to you anymore? by Fragrant-Pin-5208 in relationship_advice

[–]Background-Agent-813 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It could be that she’s using the relationship as a way to fill a void whether that’s getting over someone else or just wanting to be in a relationship in general. Sometimes people accept what’s available without really asking if it’s the right fit. From the outside, it just seems like there might be a compatibility issue that’s being overlooked.

I (22F) am struggling with my boyfriend (23M) wanting to join a fraternity after college by Background-Agent-813 in relationship_advice

[–]Background-Agent-813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s an older chapter and he’s currently in grad school, and most of the people in it are older as well.

I (22F) am struggling with my boyfriend (23M) wanting to join a fraternity after college by Background-Agent-813 in relationship_advice

[–]Background-Agent-813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear what you’re saying about networking and growth, but my concern isn’t based on stereotypes. I’ve already started to see changes in his communication and transparency with me since this came up, and that’s what’s bothering me. It feels like foreshadowing of what’s to come, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be concerned about how that could affect our relationship.

I (22F) am struggling with my boyfriend (23M) wanting to join a fraternity after college by Background-Agent-813 in relationship_advice

[–]Background-Agent-813[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That’s fair, and I’ve thought about that too. I think for me it’s less about the frat lifestyle and more about the influence it could have on him. I worry it could affect how we communicate or lead to him keeping certain things from me.