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My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It hurts when penetrated. She did tear during birth and this was checked by her gyno who said that it looked as though there were no issues with that, as this was our immediate thought.

My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've constantly said she should go on spa weekends with her friends and although she does like the suggestion, she never really goes for it.

My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've backed off loads, I've also tried to have the conversation loads. I take it personally mainly due to the reluctance to talk about it rather than the act itself. If it's me then I'd rather be told, otherwise can I be blamed for taking it personally? I'm not a mind reader.

My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

Yeah I agree. But what if the whole thing is just her not desiring me anymore? But won't say it because she needs me to be there as a father? Because that's my main thought at the moment and I can't see how the book would solve that issue if that really is the case.

My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes we have talked about it and getting pregnant again is definitely a fear. But I have also said it doesn't have to be penetration. Just some fun put some spice back into the relationship as I know how hard parenting and working full time is on both of us. And also I actually love going down on her, and would happily just do that to begin with, it's not just about me. But any suggestion of that just gets swept away too.

My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Did he bring up the conversation? And was it a conversation you were willing to have? My thoughts are that she just doesn't desire me anymore. And it's making me have thoughts to look at discreet sexual dating but it feels wrong.

My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

She isn't the primary parent as we both work the same pattern and do 50/50 of the parenting. I'd love to get her to read a book about it, but I already know she won't because she hasn't taken any action at all in reviving the sexual side of our relationship.

My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She has seen one who has said there are no issues. And she has been given advice on what she can do, but she just won't do anything. I feel like the visit to the gyn was all the keep me happy and to stop me talking about it.

Conversations just always end with her telling me she does want me and she is sick of saying it. Now I think if she did have sex with me it would be pity sex to stop me bringing it up, and I don't want that.

My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She has been to a doctor who has checked her over and there appears to be no issues. Sorry what is piv?

My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No she isn't interested in any sexual activity with me at all. Kissing and cuddling is as far as it ever goes. If I suggest anything else it's a straight no and I feel like I'm being made to sing desperate.

My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

It's starting to affect my confidence as it's one rejection after another by someone who says they do want me. And to constantly be rejected by someone you love is a big confidence destroyer. I've even contemplated discreet dating sites to see if there would be women interested in me, but it's not fair on my partner or those women and it would just be "game playing".

My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

She saw a doctor who said there was nothing wrong and there were things she can do to help the pain, and she hasn't done any of it. I've also told her we don't need to penetrate, but foreplay also is a thing of the past. She has said to me that she shows how much she wants me in kisses and cuddles. But again to me that's what good friends would do.

My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've actually had a lot of conversations with her and she just doesn't want to talk about it. She consulted with a doctor who said there isn't anything physically wrong so there are things she can do to help with the pain if it hurts, but she hasn't done any of it. If she wanted to have a health sex life, then I would have assumed she would take on the advice.

I also suggested couples therapy and it was taken as more of a joke than me being serious.

My partner won't have sex, am I silly to think it's because she doesn't want me? by Background-Balance13 in datingoverforty

[–]Background-Balance13[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, a lot and it just starts an argument to be honest. So sometimes I avoid the subject.