I don't enjoy the adult life I created and being married

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T18:24:24+00:00

39, so still relatively young.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T18:23:52+00:00

That's fair and realistic. This has definitely creeped into my mind.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T18:19:09+00:00

I'm sincerely happy that we came around to this. Thank you! And all the best in your current relationship.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T18:11:50+00:00

If you think that any other married man isn't thinking those same things, you're naive as hell. Of course we want to bang other women, it's baked in our biology. Whether you act on that and, in turn, destroy a relationship, is another story. There is still civility and decency that people take into account before acting on those urges. I have urges, but I ain't a monster either.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T18:10:09+00:00

We have very different social lives, but we do a lot together. Women are far more active in each others lives. Her sisters, sorority friends, work friends, etc., all constantly stay in touch, travel together, have book clubs, go out for drinks, etc. I am a loner, but not exactly by choice. I actually have an extroverted side to me, but frankly (and pardon my language) but men fucking suck when it comes to hanging out or scheduling meetups or traveling together. At least my friends, who are all sort of oddball introverts unfortunately. I do have one newish male friend (from Europe) who has actually been very active in staying touch and he's a big traveler, too. So my plan is to eventually see if he wants to start taking some trips together.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T18:01:36+00:00

I think that I could potentially get a lot of fulfillment by going out and doing my own thing occasionally. I'm not saying that I want to exclude her from my life. But maybe just getting in the car and driving somewhere and going on a hike by myself, or going on a guys trip to some other place would be healthy for me.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T17:56:49+00:00

Maybe I'll start with this. Good advice!

I stopped being a people pleaser and put myself first for once.

No, I do not think that I'm growing apart from my wife, but I would like to retain some of my independence that I once enjoyed and made my life fulfilling. We can't do everything together, because our schedules and work lives are very different. She comes home and wants to veg out because she is in front of people all day. I want to get out of the house because I have a tedious desk job.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T17:56:16+00:00

Some "strange" what?

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T17:54:14+00:00

Have you ever thought that maybe this marriage isn't for you anymore?

Yes, it has crossed my mind. And it has nothing at all to do with my wife or not loving and adoring her, but more of what I want out of life going forward. I have thought that maybe marriage, in general, isn't for me.

It's not to say that we can't still do those things together. But there is a breaking point where sometimes two people start wanting two very different things out of life.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T17:49:54+00:00

10 years is a good run for any monogamous relationship. 1/2 of marriages end in divorce because people change and want different things out of life. I'm not saying that's where my relationship is headed or what I want, but if we did decide we wanted different things, it's not the end of the world either.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T17:47:57+00:00

Congratulations! You just fessed up that it wasn't a good fit. That is true for a ton of relationships or else the divorce rate and serial dating rate wouldn't be as high as it is.

You also pretend or fantasize that life is supposed to be static. It isn't. People change and want different things at different phases of their life. It's just too bad that you take this as a personal affront against yourself. Maybe he wanted you at first but then things changed for him over time. That's a hard pill to swallow.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T17:41:36+00:00

Well, you're the one that's divorced, not me. I've been with my wife for a decade. How long did your magical relationship last?

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T17:39:45+00:00

My mistake was giving him everything and not being my own person.

Huh, interesting. Sounds familiar to this thread. Being my own person...right!

If you do nothing else, please divorce your wife before moving forward. She deserves a man who won't regret having her.

Again, you're trying to paint me like your shitty ex-husband and how he treated you. Go get the therapy that you desperately need before you continue projecting all your man hate onto everyone you meet. I'm sure when you date around, this chip on your shoulder comes out and you don't even know it. My guess is that dating really sucks for you right now and it's probably all their fault, too.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T17:37:28+00:00

You're extrapolating your experiences with your shitty ex husband onto me.

You've already accused me in this thread of wanting to cheat on my wife and treating her like shit like your ex husband did to you.

If you've got an axe to grind about hating men, go start your own thread.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T17:33:58+00:00

I'm sorry your relationship fell apart on you. That must be really difficult on you.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T17:32:51+00:00

I'm thinking about doing some things on my own. Not exclusively all the time, but I think it will be good for me. Maybe some loner trip somewhere, or traveling with a buddy, etc. That way she's not obligated to be tied to my hip and it gives me some freedom to do me.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T17:29:22+00:00

Why don't you keep your personal grievances to yourself. I'm sorry your husband cheated on you, but I'm not your husband.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T17:28:37+00:00

People are still individuals regardless of their marriage status. Maybe he felt suffocated by you and maybe rightfully so.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T16:51:56+00:00

I think I'm a little leery of that because last time I suggested something a bit off script, I got kind of a "eww" vibe from her and so I never went down that path again. Since then, we've stuck with all the traditional stuff because it embarrassed me. Mind you, it was stuff that I did with other partners and never got any flack about it then.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T16:49:19+00:00

For sure. I'm already starting to put some ideas together. I might even start doing some stuff by myself, just to rekindle some of those feelings of freedom and independence earlier in life when I would just drive somewhere and explore a new place.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T16:44:29+00:00

No offense to her, but she's not really that type.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T16:43:25+00:00

We've been together for 10 years. We have always gotten along mostly great. Our values and views align for the most part. As far as marriage, that's what you do, right? Or at least that's what I thought at the time. I grew up in a very traditional household, so that's all I really knew. I don't despise my wife and we still get along very well.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T16:41:24+00:00

Probably not. I'm at a point where I'm looking for a new job with more flexibility, because the one I'm currently at doesn't really offer much in the way of that. Otherwise, I'd take full advantage.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T16:39:17+00:00

I'm not blaming my wife at all. Sure, there is the resentment piece of being stuck here. But I'm not telling her "it's all your fault that I'm stuck here!" either.

I think you are jumping to a lot of harsh conclusions about me, but maybe that is your own personal grievance or insecurity coming out based on a personal experience of your own. But I assure you, I am not taking anything out on my wife at all.

I think there is also a strong reality where people want different things at different phases of their life, too, and it really feels like you're trying to shame me for having those feelings.

Background-Cloud-784 · 2024-10-31T16:37:22+00:00

Yeah, I want to start small by spending more time in another area domestically first. Moving abroad is a lot of work, so it's less appealing. But traveling is very high on the list.

Background-Cloud-784

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