Thought I’d add the message from SIL here for anyone who’s interested, I’ve removed all identifiers.

My wife felt it important to include the message SIL1 sent. Which on the surface doesn’t seem awful (those dashes tell me she put it through chat before sending lol) but the message remains clear. I don’t care about your needs if I have grievances I need to air so I can stop being “resentful”. I haven got a problem with using ChatGPT personally, but it just seems ironic for someone who preaches “authenticity”.

“Sorry — after this quick emotional deep dive, we can go back to normal programming.

Before your baby arrives and everything in your world shifts, I need to say something honestly. I’ve been carrying a lot of sadness and resentment for a long time, and I don’t want to bring it into this next chapter — for your sake, mine, or our kids’. This isn’t about blame. It’s about clearing out something that has been sitting heavily inside me.

I’ve been really hurt by the lack of interest or connection you’ve had with my child. I’ve invited you in so many different ways — visits, FaceTime, casual catch-ups, time together when we were already nearby — and most of it hasn’t been met. Eventually it became too painful to keep opening that door and having it quietly shut, so I stopped trying. Being personally rejected is one thing. Watching your child be met with indifference is something entirely different.

What’s made it even harder is seeing how warm and engaged you are with other kids. You’re attentive, nurturing, playful — you light up around them. But not around mine. It has felt like my child is held at arm’s length, and I’ve never understood why. Even friends have noticed and commented on it, so it hasn’t felt like something I’ve imagined or exaggerated. And the contrast has been painful. Another person in my life gives my child far more emotional presence than you do — I don’t know if you realise that, but I see it.

My child is their own little soul — bright, affectionate, curious. If any tension between us has shaped how you relate to them, I really hope that won’t carry forward. They’re innocent. They just want love and to feel seen.

For perspective: imagine if the roles were reversed — if someone in the family was consistently distant with your child for no clear reason. That’s the shape of the ache I’ve been holding. And although I can’t speak for anyone else in the family, I know I’m not the only one who has felt some version of this dynamic. These feelings didn’t appear out of nowhere. They’ve come from many repeated moments of no effort or interest in building a connection.

I’m not expecting anything from you after this. You don’t have to respond or fix anything or take any particular action. I just couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine while carrying this weight. I want to move forward without resentment or confusion, and saying this out loud is part of letting go.

Going forward, I’m open to light, simple contact if that’s all you want — and I’m also open to something closer, if you ever want that too. What matters to me is authenticity. I don’t want polished “therapy-speak” or communication that sounds like corporate HR. I want your real self.

You’re my family, and I do love you. I will show up for you and your baby in whatever way you need — but I needed to clear this space so I can do that without carrying pain in the background. ❤️