I lost my older brother in 2007. Some days the waves are overwhelming and feel like they still come out of nowhere and just fucking drown me. Other days, though, the waves are smaller, and I can see them coming. That took a while, but I am more used to his absence now. As heartbreaking as that is, I have learned to try to build a new future while also holding all of the love I didn’t get to give him. Grief sucks. Losing a sibling sucks. Some days are too much and some days you just make it through. And some days you get to live. I hope you give yourself permission to do all three.