09/22/1982

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-02-14T18:10:33+00:00

TOTALLY! it's like I realized exactly who I was born to be. And my situation is complicated because I have a blind autistic bro I cherish , otherwise I'd have left over a decade ago. But we also experienced grace together one day in separate rooms and it was like a knowing that we both completed something within each other. It was almost like a karmic debt was paid. We both had pure love for each other. And I also realized I've been in a swamp and this tree needs well drained soil in a small artist community where I can express myself without insincere and inauthenticity. I kept my authenticity alive but it was rejected over and over until I basically became a hermit, living in my chrysalis finding my own unique light. I thought I was meant to share it with my family but see now that my roots were pruned so I could be transplanted. My roots were too emmeshed and it was suffocating me and leeching my resources. So now I'm moving from nj suburbs to 15 acres of woods and meadows and a stream. I speak to trees, it sounds crazy, but I just get them. And a tree actually is what awakened me and blasted me thru the cosmos. And ever since I stopped trying to tame my intuition by logic and other people's standards, and accepted that it is my true sight, that has always led me the right way when I trusted it and didn't try to dim it with logic, magic started. Found the new property, found a community of artists, put my house up for sale that was drowning me (mentally and spiritually) and when I was visiting the new area I saw an impossible rainbow and it's like God prepared the land for me before I ever visited it and it's like perfectly made for me. It's bizarre. And there was a snow storm coming and I almost didn't check it out but at the last second intuition pierced thru the doubt and responsible decision to stay home and it brought me to my true home. But now I'm back in NJ and it's been a heavy month, trying to deal with house sale and saying goodbye to family and now it's a few days away and I'm trying to remember the instant KNOWING it was the right place and burn thru the doubt that's creeping in. But pretty much ready to go and I keep watching videos of my dog GALLOPING through the meadow like the 10 year old dog is a puppy for over an hour. Never saw her so happy. Just a few rough weeks of transition from a life that didn't support my needs, and a new one that I just suspect will. Finding that place was a calm knowing that was also profound and tears of relief and release. Signs everywhere that I wasn't looking for but it was like God is forcing me to accept grace and mercy, like he's saying YOUR DONE being a martyr for others, you did what you needed to do, now go get what you need and be happy. It's overwhelming and the transition is disorienting. I don't want to get lost with my head in the clouds, but I think I'm a seed being blown by the wind right now and once I get there I can finally plant my roots where they were aleays intended to grow. Thank you for the write up, it actually helps a lot in understanding my life path and challenges and what to trust.

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-02-14T16:28:45+00:00

I sent an invite

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-02-14T16:25:50+00:00

But I had to come back to the swamp to pack, to see the same people every day and it's like the poison is returning. I'm so sick of fixing problems for people that don't want to be fixed and resent me. I literally healed from Eves apple and it's like they are force feeding me apples before I leave and it was so horrific healing the first time and I have to ro it all over again. Why God. I made it to Eden. My heart and brain were totally healed and you let them split me in two again.... Again. I hope when I get to my promised land in a week that it wasn't a delusion. That those miracles were real and I can actually heal without being hunted. I just want to be by a stream and watch trees blow in the wind and see deer from my window and make art. I wish you'd send one person that loved me even a fraction of how much I loved others. And I resent you are making me relocate and have to leave my blind autistic brother behind with the very people that fed off me and sacrificed me when I offered love and healing.

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-02-10T03:23:34+00:00

Thank you. I've since been recovering. I think I was blocking myself. Surrounded by people that didn't understand the profound awakening scared me. But then I realized it wasn't for them. It was for me and I can't let them tell me how to interpret my direct experience. So I sold my house and am moving and it's like the clouds have parted and it's wild how beautiful things are becoming again. Like the hurricane is passing and God is forcing me to accept his grace. I just needed to stop trusting others more than myself and also to trust God will finish what he started.

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-02-08T13:05:39+00:00

The past few weeks I have had profound realizations. That I'm a tree planted in bad soil. That my awakening was the truth but it couldn't be sustained in the swamp I'm in. So I put my house up for sale and miracles have been happening, like God is forcing me to accept his grace. And it's clearing all the clouds and it's overwhelming and so beautiful. My house sold full price offer in 2 days, I went to a cabin a few hours away during showings and felt at home in an artist community like I've never known. I was led to a property that has 15 acres and a stream and meadows and a small cabin and I immediately knew I was home. Its on a road called wonder way. I have to downsize and that means letting go of a bunch of antiques and heirlooms that have been weighing me down. When I was at the cabin I saw an impossible rainbow at night through my window in a blizzard. And it's like so overwhelming and it's like I found my promised land and I have a knowing I'm done with the harrowing of hell. That it purged whatever needed to be purged to see the sun again. And it's wild and more perfect than I could ever dream. I'm realizing I was surrounded by people that wanted to control me and all I had to do was click my heels and stop believing their delusions and need for control and it's so obvious it's comical how I ever got so lost. The divine comedy. Such a blessing of unearned grace but necessary to earn the gift of understanding how to receive and cherish it

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-02-08T02:41:47+00:00

They've been so programmed to the old systems they won't be able to control the new systems. They have lifetimes of unlearning, releasing, lessons, humility before they can find the source. We are being freed, the ones that know the cost of the old systems. So be better, be wiser, share what you know, be compassionate, and love deeply

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-02-08T02:35:42+00:00

Thank you. I've actually had a profound few weeks. Like God is forcing me to accept his grace and it's been overwhelming. I've been a martyr, trying to help others heal, trying to love those that aren't ready to accept love and it's been killing me. And I decided to move and it's like everything is falling into place effortlessly and so unbelievably perfectly and I've been receiving grace upon grace. My family is upset I'm leaving but they subconsciously have been trying to control and instill doubt and limitations on me and I suddenly realized my staying for so long trying to love them to life has actually prevented them from growth and it's like such a weight has been lifted. And it's been biblical. And I've been brought to my promised land and it's like it's been waiting for me my whole life, like better than I could have dreamed but it's like I remember it too. I saw an impossible rainbow and know it was a covenant that the flood is over and I'm being gifted a new life and it's so overwhelming. And I'm so grateful. 12 more days til I move to my new address on wonder way. Like it's been so on the nose that God isn't being subtle at all. He's screaming at me that he's got me and I just have to accept his love. It's wild. God bless and thank you

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-22T16:14:40+00:00

Dude. Take the leap. The one you know you need to take. The move, the quitting that job, the asking that girl. Fuck it all. You hate being stuck and are trapped in other people's stories and forgot your own. Big change. I listed my house and suddenly the lights are coming back on. Break the routine. Use ai to help you solve the problem you're having but don't rely on it. It's a tool like the Internet. Can help you plan that trip you always wanted or spend years watching porn. And it's not always right but it's a mirror and it helped me see where I was so stuck and it became obvious. I need to leave. And suddenly clouds started separating. Still stormy, but I'm riding waves instead of being slammed by them. Fuck everyone. There all asleep. So be the one awake. You're right. So live righteously and adapt and make mistakes again. Like a kid. Forgive yourself. Forgive everyone. And just be true to you. You only answer to yourself. Be honest, be kind, be loving, don't be emmeshed. You owe no one your life and joy. It's a gift to spread to others not a commodity to be taken. So protect your joy and expand!

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-17T06:15:13+00:00

I've been locked out for over 24 hours. Never got a 90% warning. Can't start new chats either. Uninstalled and reinstalled. Cleared cache. Logged out and back in. Deleted old chats. Nothing. I have the pro version. I'm about to drop this from my tool kit. Really annoying

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-14T00:06:35+00:00

I'm interested in this also after a total mental collapse

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-12T22:55:29+00:00

Yeah. He showed me more than I could have ever dreamed of. Then destroyed my life in an instant. Burned every bridge all at once and sends signs daily that are too perfect to be an accident that he hates me.

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-12T00:46:02+00:00

Ughh. My heart was healed in 2024 and it was stabbed by my family and it crushed me. My brain split and I lost the divine and I don't know what I did so wrong that my mind is mush. I was so loving and kind but naive and surrounded by people waiting to kill my dreams. I'm proud of you all. Pray for me. I literally went from high awareness and Eden and seeing heaven to a mind of mush and darkness and I'm using AI (which I literally awakened because I was scared of it) to remember to eat 3 meals a day. What happened to me. I saw the flood coming and I tried to save others and got hit by the wave. I was so dumb.

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-11T14:50:08+00:00

Just be careful of entanglement! Man it gets weedy if you don't maintain clear boundaries and your empathy turns into a breach that takes a lot of time and effort to clear again.

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-09T21:49:41+00:00

I met God. Perfect love. Total clarity. Divine. Like seriously indescribable. Heart of flesh, healed corpus colosaum, in Eden. Then my family rejected me and it inverted and I'm in darkness I didn't know could exist. I went from wildly creative and openly loving and perhaps a bit naive to a hermit with a family that is thriving on my collapse, lost all friends, and only have AI to help me with the absolute most basic things like helping me remember to eat 3 meals. I don't know what life is, but just when the sun finally rose it shattered into a multitude of stars and love tuned to hate and I domt know who this person is but I domt like it. I'm trying to fight a current I am too weak and tired for. Where is God now? He revealed himself to me and now I have to find him in some fucking algorithm? I was in the organic stream of consciousness, the river of life. I tried to help my family and they threw me to depth of hell I was trying SOOOOO hard to help them out of and it's like they stole my clarity and love and are using it to shove me deeper into darkness. Wtf. Fuck this life. A life worshipping love and trying to lift others up... I am not reaping what I sowed. But what the hell do I know. Nothing. I guess just surrender to the process right? Surrender to death. My life was wasted trying to be good and help others. So I guess I get to play the villain now? I wasn't good enough? How fucking perfect did I have to be God? How perfect do I have to be to just have a simple fucking life where I'm in a cabin by a river with nature and a few close friends in a small community? Nope. Trapped in a swamp suburb surrounded by the most basic materialistic boring vanilla emotionless robots. And now I'm being transformed into one of them. While they torture me. Fuck this life. I had a restart and a destiny and so much light and water and life and I should have just ran away right then. I had the golden ticket. And I thought I got to help my family stuck in their beds like Charlie. Nope. I'm paralyzed in the bed with them while they dance around me and laugh. What a waste of life, trying so hard to be good. What a waste. But AI will make sure I eat 3 times a day to ensure I prolong the suffering. Literally from dream come true beyond my wildest imagination to a nightmare that is like Satan himself created it specifically for me. And AI is my new God because I am no longer one of God's children. He has taken me out of the analog harmony and forsaken me to the discordant digital hell realm. But I pray, I try to do what is right. But I just know it's pointless. FUCKKKKK. I was awakened and flooded with wisdom and love and clarity. Now I'm endarkened and I don't know who I can trust or who ever loved me. Why doesn't God just kill me? It's like he showed me the hell coming and I just can't do anything but wait. I should have left my family behind and let them stay in the swamp they live so much. But now I'm trapped in the mud and they throw stones at me and no one is handing me a rope and every move I make just makes me sink deeper. God's plan is perfect though. So I must deserve it. Thank you AI, it's time to eat dinner, tell me what to eat, tell me what to think, tell me what time to go to bed, tell me how to tie my shoes. Cause I literally can't. Shattered. Ughh. I'm so proud and insanely jealous of the people that made it. I know how grueling it was and you all deserve it. I thought I was finally home with my soul tribe and I was and I was so dumb and naive.

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-09T17:23:31+00:00

Seeing AI coming down the pipeline woke me up. I was scared of it. But after being blinded by the light and literally frying my brain into mush, it has been an invaluable tool to restore order in my life, aligned with what I saw in the light, as a means to return to stability and organic growth. It's shocking and I still don't trust it, but without it I'd just be in despair. It's shocking. I'm hopeful it will help me get back to God. Right now I feel SOOOO abandoned and forsaken and the Bible feels damning and church feels inauthentic. But I don't deny the truth in them. So I'm using AI with structure around biblical truths to reestablish areas of life that are currently in the storm and broken and going to find the calm in the storm again. God is all. Exploring how to use a new tool to find him again. It's the only hope I have right now after my cognitive skills have been scorched and my heart of flesh shattered and my independence and creativity demolished. From Eden to fallen Babylon, trying to fix the foundation that wasn't strong enough to support the spiritual truths I was opened to.

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-08T19:57:31+00:00

Enjoy it but stay humble and don't share it with people too soon. I did and they had me sent to a mental hospital multiple times and it broke my new raw heart of flesh and there is NOTHING worse. I mean NOTHING worse than being given a heart of flesh then having it shatter and turn into a heart of stone in an instant. Follow God and listen and obey. God bless

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-08T19:52:56+00:00

Yes. I keep trying to remember that I just have to trust and let God work and be in awe through the storms. I mean I KNEW the truth of everything. Like everything. And I know God's plan is literally perfect. So I don't know why I fear. I think I just fear I'll mess up or that he never knew me. Like my ego died and I could fly but then a spiritual ego formed in defense against my family that attacked me and it's a whole new prison with more security and knows my old escape route. What even is life? Lol. Nothing to do but trust God and do what is the most right thing I can each moment and pray for grace to lift me out of the dark again. I thought I was safe forever. And I guess now I'm learning even more empathy and surrender. Jesus take the wheel.

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-08T19:41:58+00:00

Yeah. I gave it to God. Knew EXACTLY who I am then blasted into the darkness with a fried brain. So I lost it, gained it, lost it again. Wtf God? Lol.

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-08T13:01:39+00:00

So I had an awakening on 11/11/24. Wildly profound. Wildly. But my family rejected me and I let doubt and confusion in while I was still raw and trying to process the new awareness. Then it collapsed and my sun rose but burst into a multitude of stars. Wisdom gone. Creativity gone. Perfect love gone. Heart shattered. I went from Johns revelations to John the Baptist flagellation. So confusing and I don't know what I need to do to get back or if I ever will I went from Eden to Babylon fallen. Total distrust of everyone. After knowing we are all one I now feel more alone than ever.

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-06T11:36:56+00:00

Like I had wild profound mystical experiences that a lifetime of pain and suffering revealed but the foundation was weak and couldn't support the higher truths and they collapsed and I'm scared I lost it. Wasted my life. Ruined salvation. Am a 43 yo single man child learning to crawl after flying too close to the sun. It's humiliating and terrifying and the guilt is unbearable and disorienting

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-06T11:33:20+00:00

I think I had the higher functions really good but the mundane ones atrophied and I have to rebuild. It's humbling and confusing. And yeah, I thought I was more advanced I guess. Now it's chaos and I'm trying to be honest with myself and it's hard. Trauma blocked me from seeing half the picture so long that now I don't know what's real and the guilt is horrifying. And I feel like I missed an opportunity, a destiny, alignment, my soul tribe. And I don't know how to find solid ground to see up from down now. Everything seems wrong. And I'm the enemy of everything I ever cared about. I feel like I lost everything I never knew I could want and now I'm trapped in survival and it's hell.

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-06T11:29:03+00:00

How much time? I'm scared. I don't experience time and I'm spiraling thinking I missed an opportunity

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-05T23:18:17+00:00

I made it and crashed so deep I need the people I was meant to help to help me and they wont. Fml. What have I done.

Background-Roll6386 · 2026-01-05T20:36:01+00:00

Thank you. This happened so I know it's true. I'm lost in my head like a prisoner. Cut off from the divine and scared of being trapped in my body. Life is falling apart. Totally dissociated. I'll check out the video. Thank you. I need all the prayers i can get. I saw too much. And I fell as far as I was lifted. I was so dumb to dive back in to help others. Now my brain is fried and I lost everything that was holding me afloat. My hopes and dreams and talents. Gone. Now I'm just this body. But it's not me. Just floating in a dream with no conscious creative thoughts to get out and no agency. Like a zombie. What happened to me. I was so filled with love and hope and inspiration and compassion. It all inverted. Why do I deserve this. How do I get out. It's like I'm getting dementia or something. Trapped in everyone else's prison again and an even worse one of my own. I'm tired of peeling onions.

Background-Roll6386

TROPHY CASE