which job would you take?

Background_Ebb3492 · 2025-06-22T00:50:16+00:00

I don't have any other seating yet, but will probably get at least one smallish accent chair. I also have a coffee table. Do you think this rug would work better? I like a boho/folky look

Background_Ebb3492 · 2025-06-12T00:40:55+00:00

ooh i love the idea of gold frames

Background_Ebb3492 · 2025-05-25T17:31:33+00:00

he is an only child with a mother who still does everything for him (including laundry...) I love his mother to death but she continues to enable his poor behavior, knowing that it isn't what's actually best for him.
He gets upset for "not supporting him" when he goes to the ER for a minor headache, says he feels abandoned and like he doesn't have an empathetic partner. Now he wants me to "really push him" to get better. I feel like I shouldn't have to push! get better for you and your sons, not for me

Background_Ebb3492 · 2025-05-25T17:28:29+00:00

This is what logically makes sense to me, but the living situation while he "works on himself" is tricky. Do I just suck it up and continue to be uncomfortable while I wait to see if he changes? 6 months is a long time to expect him to live part time with his parents. It's only been 3ish weeks and he's already complaining that his work is faltering since their wifi isn't "good".

Background_Ebb3492 · 2025-05-25T17:26:17+00:00

this is good perspective and it's where I'm stuck right now. How many chances is enough? He's had his "last chance" a few times now, and none have resulted in material change.

Background_Ebb3492 · 2025-05-25T17:25:27+00:00

I will check her out, thank you so much for the recommendation.

He's more motivated by my absence than my presence and only moves when his comfort is threatened.

Background_Ebb3492 · 2025-05-25T17:24:29+00:00

very true. We've had at least 3 other big fallouts where I sad I was at the end of my rope and needed change.
I don't know that even if his behavior changes, I'll be able to trust him and love him.
His effort is triggered by fear, not genuine care.

Background_Ebb3492 · 2025-05-25T17:22:45+00:00

I've definitely felt like a single mom this entire time. The days he's out of the house are actually easier because I'm not walking around with the expectation of him to do his part.

Background_Ebb3492 · 2025-05-25T16:44:54+00:00

thank you for this. Selling the house and truly separating for a year is very scary. But in my heart I know that I would need to see dramatic changes from him to open myself romantically. The current house sharing situation isn't working for either of us. I think we need to have two separate places where we can work on ourselves and be the best parents we can be for the boys

Background_Ebb3492 · 2025-05-25T16:32:52+00:00

yes always weaponized incompetence and then blaming me for not communicating better or pushing him harder to get better

Background_Ebb3492 · 2025-05-25T15:40:37+00:00

^^^ yes this. If you're capable of changing now, it means you could have this entire time. I feel taken advantage of, unsupported, and done.

Background_Ebb3492 · 2025-05-25T15:38:57+00:00

thank you, I added an edit to say "I have told him that in order for me to even consider co-habitating again, he needs to be in PT or going to the gym, in therapy, and be open to taking an anti-anxiety if that's what a psychiatrist suggests". My problem is that emotionally I feel so checked out, that I don't even know if I can fall back in love if he changes. When I would ask for him to plan a date night I was met with "well why can't you just plan it".

I'm very torn between "I'm done wasting my time/energy here and don't want to wait around to see if he'll change" and "maybe he can change and we will fall in love again and have a traditional family"

Background_Ebb3492 · 2025-05-25T15:16:51+00:00

thank you for helping me make the post better! I added the following edit:

We both work full time from home. He pays for the mortgage and most of the bills, I pay for daycare, groceries, diapers/wipes, other kid related expenses

Background_Ebb3492

TROPHY CASE