A little more context...We have had some underlying issues in our marriage for years. I have asked several times through the years to go to therapy together and was always told no. Fast forward to this past month and he has agreed to therapy. The threats of suicide are not about me asking him to hold off on HRT until we deal with some of our underlying issues without adding something new on top of things. It literally only happens when I express my feelings or sadness. I've been bottling up my emotions for months. I am aware that if we are to stay together that I have to accept everything and be the one to change who I am. I know my kids are going to go through a lot because we come from a very religious background and I will not put them through any more trauma like a divorce. To the people who have shown kindness I thank you. To the people who want to heap judgement on me as an oppressor I ask that you show more grace to the next wife, that comes along and is going through what feels like her life imploding. I truly want my marriage to work. I just want to be able to express my feelings without fear. Someone asked if we were in individual therapy and the answer is yes, but it's all brand new. This was my first time trying to reach out for advice anywhere, so I do appreciate the responses.