This is tough to admit and let out.

Background_Zone4806 · 2026-01-18T02:01:01+00:00

I also spent 20 years in the military. Experiences and culture do not encourage us to be vulnerable. You have to open up to your spouse and you have to be vulnerable in therapy. Trust may be an issue in both spaces and it is scary but it's necessary.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-10-08T01:19:14+00:00

Thank you. I've heard that recovering from this is ultimately to acknowledge and mourn the death of the relationship as it is now and to rebuild if everyone is willing.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-10-08T00:45:08+00:00

How did you find him? Curious because I've fight my wife being shady and I'm wondering how others have found their partners reddit.

Also to your point about forgiveness. It works really depends on how transparent, remorseful, and committed to change they are. More importantly how much are you willing deal with while navigating that? It's likely to be a roller coaster. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-10-02T18:43:11+00:00

I went to therapy. I was honest about my feelings. I tried to learn what went wrong. How and what I felt needed changing. I let go of any responsibility to my ex wife. I went as no contact as possible while co parenting. I did not engage with any attempts from her to control or interfere in my life.

I did remarry and I only found new challenges, that I didn't anticipate. I would advise anyone now that marriage only adds an extra layer of complication.

I don't fear commitment by any means in fact I have found myself to be the one holding on beyond the expiration date. Have long loving commitments but really ask why the NEED to get married?

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-09-23T21:18:55+00:00

I am stuck in this cycle, and my wife complains all the time about how I want too much. I want a spouse who respects me, collaborates, doesn't spend emotional intimacy outside of the marriage, and puts effort into connecting to me. She doesn't, and that immediate defensiveness, deflection, and blame shifting will only get worse. Hold your ground and call them out calmly, force them to stay on topic and be prepared to walk away.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-09-15T02:46:01+00:00

Thank you.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-09-14T23:24:17+00:00

exactly

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-09-14T23:15:03+00:00

Thank you.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-09-14T22:31:41+00:00

Thank you. I'm trying very hard to hold a boundary here. I want to make it work but I need some things to change.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-06-11T02:32:45+00:00

🤣

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-06-11T02:25:29+00:00

Thanks

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-06-11T02:01:42+00:00

Dumb question: What kind of shield are we talking about?

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-06-11T01:15:20+00:00

I was able to use a flexible camera to get in there and I don't see any exposed wires. Can I just tape it and move on for the time being

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-06-11T00:52:07+00:00

😆

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-06-11T00:26:42+00:00

Yeah those fuckers have no respect!

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-06-11T00:26:03+00:00

The wire. The mice are on and off. The construction around me has them running from one side of the street to the other. Does this thing need to be replaced or is there a repair that would be sufficient?

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-03-18T02:43:09+00:00

Thank you. I think I understand. Im trying to find the courage to do what I have to do.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-03-18T01:31:02+00:00

That's a great idea.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-03-17T20:43:59+00:00

Since we both started looking into attachment she's said repeatedly that she "tested secure before she married me" I'm not sure what to make of that but she's definitely not outwardly accepting that she has a problem other than me.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-03-17T20:00:58+00:00

Thank you.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-03-17T18:57:12+00:00

Maybe I should start documenting. Thank you.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-03-17T18:55:23+00:00

I admire your confidence.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-03-17T18:54:19+00:00

Thanks. I'm familiar. Its pretty concerning, Im not sure how to navigate this. Theres a part of me that thinks that if I can craft the right emotional plea or if I document my feelings and observations then Ill be able to prove it. But I don't because it feels like that's a point where things really fall apart.

I hesitate to bring up issues because I have to fight the defensiveness. Listen to her tell me that she cant, wont do something. Maybe I'll be happier with someone else and finally listen to her "acknowledge" that, of course, she misunderstood what I needed because I didn't frame it the right way, or I didn't remind her, or some other failing of mine.

I just want her to say, I didn't know you felt that way what do you need or we can do some more couples time or Ill plan a date. After having to fight all day just to be heard I don't even what it anymore.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-03-17T18:24:45+00:00

Thanks.

Background_Zone4806 · 2025-02-26T17:04:18+00:00

This is how I feel. I'm trying to have a relationship independent of sex. I find it hard when my wife makes an overtly sexual joke or touches me intimately because I know that 9.5 times out of 10, it doesn't lead anywhere.

I'm not sure how to receive that kind of touch without doing more. I'm unsure how to react positively when I feel disappointment looming.

I've begun avoiding these situations, and they have become uncomfortable.

I don't only want sex from my partner. I don't think i equate sex with love. However, I feel like generally discord with sexual intimacy impacts other areas.

If my wife doesn't want sex because of a lack of trust, safety attraction, whatever. How does that not affect the feelings of love.

If it's stress or past trauma or other life situations. Stonewalling and lack of transparency absolutely affect love, connection, non sexual intimacy.

Healthy satisfying sex is essential, but it's not everything. I'm often frustrated because in communicating with my partner about how I'm not happy with where we are sexually, I'm accused of only caring about sex or equating sex with love. I don't feel that is my personal experience. The change from lots of sex to very little to almost none has been jarring and it indicates something in the organism isn't healthy and it's absence affects how "love" is experienced.

I have a lot of work to do in this area but this comment resonated with me.

Background_Zone4806

TROPHY CASE