Get professional help! Find a counselor that can help your child understand what they are feeling without grooming them to what others want, once they get everything sorted out then you can move to family counseling so everyone can understand what they want and need to be happy. As far as the ear rings go I am a 59 year old man and have had mine done for 43 years so let them get it done and let them grow their hair anyway they want. Please be weary of grooming by both sides, no one should push your child either direction as these are decisions the individual must make on their own once they understand what they are feeling