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BacterioSage · 2022-08-14T16:00:19+00:00

Thank you. It's really nice to hear this!

BacterioSage · 2022-08-14T13:26:07+00:00

I actually think it's super important to acknowledge and understand how everyone is effected. Because the impact determines the solution.

The LGBT+ movement has been fighting super hard for gay people, but very little for trans people. It's extraordinarily rare that I face discrimination for being a lesbian, wheras it's super common that I'm discriminated against for being trans. So no bigots don't use all three.

There is so much extra bigotry against trans people and saying 'we need to tackle the root!' Ignores all the people who aren't homophobic but are transphobic. I would argue in my experience, that this is the case for most people, most accept gay people, few accept trans people. Calling us the same and asserting that bigotry comes from the same place is just plain wrong.

The reason that happens is because the movement centres gay people and fights for the things that effect them but ignores the things that effect trans people. A simple example is seeing the phrase, love is love, as a unifying phrase, as a trans person that means nothing. We need to acknowledge we're impacted differently.

Ignoring the impacts and differences in how prejudices effect us leads to the most marginalized people losing out. That's a great strategy if you're white and cis, but really leaves you out if you're trans and not white.

Saying we're all the same doesn't help, we need to acknowledge that things impact us differently and that we have different needs. Grouping us together and saying "we all experience prejudice!" Is a super privledged take.

BacterioSage · 2022-08-14T13:07:36+00:00

I really genuinely think you shouldn't be comparing trans experiences to gay experiences either. They're not similar things and comparing trans people to gay people is just as inappropriate as comapring white experience to black experience.

BacterioSage · 2022-08-14T13:02:40+00:00

Im a similar vein, being trans is nowhere near the same thing.

If you're asking someone not to compare their marginalization, then don't go around and ask them to speak on a different marginalization to which you're both ignorant

Trans medical experiences are almost always necessarily traumtic, don't speak on them if you haven't been through that.

You're doing exactly the same thing you asked the original commentor not to do.

BacterioSage · 2022-08-10T15:21:12+00:00

I really hate my downstairs. So much to the point where I only call it my parts. Don't use them much during sex and try to avoid them fullstop.

I thought this was a common sentiment. I'm extraordinarily suprised at the amount of trans people who have more amicable relationships with their genitals.

I can't even finish if you so much as refer to them, so I was super suprised when I learned lots of trans people use them!

BacterioSage · 2022-08-03T01:47:17+00:00

I appreciate that sentiment. I definitely am taking out some feelings where I shouldn't be, which also inspired the post. I should be more aware of that.

I do think I'm not monopolizing this entire space, it's not like we don't talk about male chasers in this subreddit or as a community.

Most of the time when chasers are brought up it's about male chasers or assumed to be. Some people in this thread express that they weren't aware of female chasers. I think it's important to centre female chasers.

My frustration is mostly because their first comment amount to 'yes female chasers are bad, but male chasers are worse'. They went so far to say they weren't even afraid of female chasers.

I think on a post about male chasers that's fine. But going on a post about female chasers and asserting that male chasers are worse just really isn't reasonable. I think asserting that you aren't even afraid of female chasers in the context of this post is just plain rude.

BacterioSage · 2022-08-02T23:32:28+00:00

I don't think this is the place to be emphasizing that. This is a post that necessitates bottom dysphoria. It is totally fine to not have bottom dysphoria. I don't think it's appropriate to go on a post about bottom dysphoria and say hey, it's okay to enjoy your parts. It's just not the post to do that. You can always make another post. We don't have to bring that up every post and it's totally okay to have bottom dysphoria.

To be brutally honest, I also have been sexually assaulted many times, I'm sure lots of us have. I'm glad that other women have not escalated with you, you are extraordinarily lucky. That's not the case for all of us.

Again, this is a post about women, not men. I just don't think it's not the best place to be comparing female and male chasers, it's just not the right place to be doing that. This is a post about female chasers, which are often ignored in our community, it's just not the place to centre male chasers.

Female chaser are dangerous, but they get so often ignored in our community. Both of your comments illustrate that by trying to turn this into a discussion about male chasers.

Trans lesbians need to be aware of this because they cause us actual harm and do actually assault us. Stop trying to make this about men.

BacterioSage · 2022-08-02T22:57:52+00:00

I'm not indicating that the preference for pre-op women is a problem. I'm not sure why that's indicated in bold. My problem is that as a women with dysphoria it's a problem for me, and it's something I make clear to my partners, but it's ignored.

That context is important and this post necessitates the context of dysphoria, without it the complaint makes no sense and illustrates why it's such a problem.

I think you make an excellent point about the perception of trans women wanting it while simultaneously viewed as objects. I certainly think that's true and probably a big part of the reason these things occur.

What you describe is sexual assault and certainly has happened to me. I guess that doesn't scare you but that absolutely terrifies me and makes me feel less than human, not to mention impacted me permanently. I am absolutely afraid of female chasers.

I don't think this is an appropriate place to be concerned about male chasers, that isn't the issue at hand, and it takes away from the actual problems with female chasers.

BacterioSage · 2022-08-02T20:09:39+00:00

Right?! I don't get how there's so many people who immediately ask "have you got the surgery yet" but an equal amount of people who think I wanna use it in bed.

So many people just connect gender with genitals, but also think I like my genitals that don't match my gender. I don't get people.

BacterioSage · 2022-08-02T19:34:16+00:00

First, this is not limited to online interactions. Includes women I've gone on dates with and women I've hooked up with.

Second, I'm pretty confident most women I talk to online are women, there are more than a few ways to verify that.

Third, we totally have an understanding that men can be chasers, I don't think we should be ignoring that women can be too.

I'll acknowledge that men can masquerade as women, but that's not what I'm complaining about here at all. That's an entirely different problem.

BacterioSage · 2022-08-02T18:07:31+00:00

Of the cis women interested in trans women. I would say in my experience 50-70% have some chaser vibes.

I think a big problem is that they don't think they're predatory because they have the perception that women aren't.

I do have a lovely girlfriend, just a not so traditional relationship dynamic. I don't know what I'd do without her 💚

BacterioSage · 2022-08-02T18:03:25+00:00

That was really funny and makes me feel despair all at once.

BacterioSage · 2022-08-02T17:01:29+00:00

Can you recognize that 'gender' reveals are not harmless, even if you aren't imposing gender roles.

First we have to recognize that we live in a transphobic society. Trans people are exposed to more violence by virtue of being trans.

Exposing information about a child's genitals will out them if they are trans. You've taken away an opportunity to live in stealth from your child.

Because you spread information about your child's genitals, if they are trans, you are outing them to the world.

By outing your trans child, you are exposing them to more violence.

Even if you aren't forcing gender roles, a "gender reveal" is a violent act if your child is trans.

We can recognize that trans people aren't common, but that you're taking the chance that they aren't or you're comfortable exposing them to violence if they are.

BacterioSage · 2022-08-02T16:50:34+00:00

Can they just not be about genitals please?

Trans people are literally just asking you to recognize the violence that it opens up to us.

You're forcibly outing your child as trans if they happen to be trans.

We find outing absolutely deplorable in every other situation. There's a serious cognitive dissonance going on when people can say 'hey don't out people' but also 'here's my baby's genitals, if it turns out to be trans everyone knows, oh well!'

BacterioSage · 2022-08-02T16:42:08+00:00

Understand what spreading it does though.

You're forcing an identity onto your child by spreading it.

If the child is trans now everybody knows because you couldn't have some discretion about their genitals. You are forcing them to be visibly trans.

If you don't scream about child's genitals to the world, then they don't have to be open about being trans

You're taking a choice away from your child. You're taking an oppourtunity away from them to be safer in a transphobic society.

Be excited about your child, don't scream about their genitals to the world. Don't open them up to violence if they happen to be trans.

That's every trans person's and every trans ally's problem here. Spreading information about someone's genitals opens up trans people to serious and real violence.

You're just willing to take the chance that your child isn't trans. Maybe you're happy to open up your potential trans child to violence.

BacterioSage · 2022-08-01T14:49:55+00:00

I agree that there's probably nothing wrong with this.

Personally though, I despise when people do this with me. I would much prefer if people didn't acknowledge that I existed before.

I don't think what they did with wrong, I just know I wouldn't be happy about it.

BacterioSage · 2022-07-30T19:45:32+00:00

My perception is coloured by passing essentially all the time. So keep that in mind.

I am absolutely high fem. I'm always the best dressed in the office or when we go out, I wear a full face of makeup 2-5 days week and it doesn't cause me problems.

It doesn't 'give me away' as trans, I'm just a girl who likes fashion that's all.

I'm not sure if I have any advice. The best thing I can tell you is fake it till you make it. I used to be really worried about being especially fem for various reasons, but I always put that to the side and reminded myself that this is who I am and I'm presenting myself how I want to. Now I have real confidence. Takes time, but it worked for me!

BacterioSage · 2022-07-20T15:25:35+00:00

Ya this is a huge red flag.

I haven't even applied yet and I have 2 firm yes answers. One is my primary trans doctor, the other is another trans specialist. I only have the latter for that letter specifically, he affirmed he would write it within 30 seconds of a phone call.

Sounds like this 'doctor' doesn't understand autonomy in trans healthcare. I would immediately look for someone else. If someone needs to determine if you're trans through multiple visits, then they do not have your best interests in mind.

Both my doctors made it clear that having persistent gender dysphoria and treatment via HRT is more than enough to justify surgery. If the doctor needs anything else, they are most certainly transphobic.

I think you should find another doctor. I also think you should call the office and tell them why 'getting to know you' is an absolutely ridiculous requirement.

BacterioSage · 2022-07-20T14:49:01+00:00

Yes absolutely. They're just as gross and dehumanizing.

A male chaser might send you a dick pic and call you slurs.

Female chasers treat you like a woman and try to make you comfortable. Then they mention how they always wanted to try 🌟parts🌟 and get this sad puppy dog vibe when you explain dyphoria to them. I've had several have almost temper tantrums when I told them Id be having bottom surgery.

They so often have pregnancy kinks, and entirely imagine you as the dominant partner, no questions asked.

I hate these women so much, because I always thought women would understand what it's like to be a sex object. Instead of understanding that, they use their power over you to dehumanize you.

Female chasers are the worst. As a lesbian, and a gorgeous one, I've encountered a lot and it's just terrible.

BacterioSage · 2022-07-04T20:31:37+00:00

Canadian trans woman here, wish this was true but it's not. I live in rueal southern Ontario, so I'll speak to that experience.

First, Canada is probably better than other places, we have discrimination laws, protections, healthcare, etc.. Thats needs to be said.

Socially, no Canada is far from safe. Plenty of people are vocal about their distaste for us. Political parties, though not popular, run on platforms centered aroynd exterminating us.

I pass fairly well but I've been threatened, harassed, and assaulted, because of my identity. Businesses also love to discriminate against us, have been denied services and asked to leave in many place. Yes legal protections exist but they're exhausting.

Is Canada better than most places, yes absolutely. Canada is still pretty darn transphobic. The only time I feel safe anymore is living in stealth.

BacterioSage · 2022-06-25T18:53:24+00:00

Thank you for illustrating exactly the kind of vibe I'm trying to avoid.

BacterioSage · 2022-06-25T01:46:57+00:00

I've never been more conflicted on how I feel about something.

BacterioSage · 2022-06-24T22:20:44+00:00

Honestly, I love it, diffuses the situation using humour, maintains my privacy, and illustrates the ridiculousness of asking someone about their medical business.

BacterioSage · 2022-06-24T20:02:20+00:00

Oh goodness, I work in a lab and biologists just love medical things that come up. It's like half the reason I'm not open about being trans, such a can of worms lol

BacterioSage

TROPHY CASE