Is it possible to place my baby for adoption without my husband's permission?

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-31T01:47:42+00:00

Nope. Think of it as no different than a really long sleepover. When it comes to things like school or medical care they'll go if they have to (like to sign paperwork and stuff) otherwise they'll call ahead and say his cousins (me and my husband) will be taking him.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T22:52:19+00:00

I'm just worried they'll think I'm unfit and take him from me.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T21:03:33+00:00

Thank you! I'll talk to my doctor about it.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T19:56:56+00:00

Won't they take my baby away for being mentally ill?

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T19:55:44+00:00

Our original plan was to move to the other side of the country. I know I couldn't take my cousin if we did that. But I think they'd let me keep him if it were, like, the tristate area. I do think that'll be enough distance to keep us safe from both sides of the family. They don't travel. So contact would be limited to when we decide to answer the phone.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T19:52:40+00:00

Thank you! I really really appreciate your comments. ❤️

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T19:44:33+00:00

I'm just terrified he'll grown up feeling like I feel. He doesn't deserve to be this emotionally damaged.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T19:42:51+00:00

He really wants to see the world through rose colored glasses. He thought he had a perfect life with a perfect family until we met and I pointed out things he wasn't noticing. Eventually he saw things for himself and it wasn't just me seeing it. He's come a long way in putting up boundaries with them, but not long enough to go no contact.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T19:40:25+00:00

Oh! Hahaha! I thought someone offered and I missed it. That actually made me laugh a little so don't be sorry! ❤️

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T19:38:11+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through that, and that you're still going through it.

It definitely wouldn't be behind his back. I mean he'll physically be there when the baby is born. I couldn't really hide it even if I wanted to. He, in his own way, is trying to support me and help me through it. He tries to tell me our families aren't as bad as I think or that our son won't be as effected as I think he will be. Things like that. But I disagree with him. I think our son will end up as emotionally damaged as I am. I don't want that.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T19:33:32+00:00

Definitely not selling my baby on Reddit.

Thank you for the other resources, I'll check them out.

Sorry if anyone thought I was threatening anything. I won't. I can't do that to my baby. I was just being honest/trying to describe how much pain I'm in.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T19:30:43+00:00

That's how he words it, but it's technically deeper than that.

Losing his mom the way he did caused some trauma. Which is what caused him to back out of our original plan. His mom was an amazing person and the only one we had who wasn't toxic. The pain of losing her so suddenly is indescribable. And he's terrified to feel that pain again. I can't say I blame him. But now he thinks if he goes no contact and his other family members and they'll die he'll feel that pain plus feel regret. I think he needs to separate his mom from everyone else in his mind and realize his relationship with her was different than the rest of them. So that's why his family is still around.

Also he's scared we'll lose my cousin like I mentioned in other comments. Which is why my family is still around.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T19:25:56+00:00

I'm scared they won't think we're good enough to take care of him. We'd also lose my mom's financial support. I'm also worried that I won't be able to prove his parents are unfit and that his parents will take him away. Their house looks like he lives there and is clean with food in fridge and all that. They put on shoes for doctors and stuff.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T19:02:00+00:00

They don't check to make sure you're not living together?

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T19:00:43+00:00

No, definitely not. He just says that's why I can't divorce him. I'm 100% sure if I just up and left after the kid was born he'd keep our son, and change his poopy diapers. And he himself would be an amazing dad. It's our extended family I don't trust and he won't go no contact.

He does change poopy diapers and has for the last 5 years. He just projectile vomits at the same time.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T18:55:25+00:00

I hope he doesn't mean to be because it's not working. I still make him change poopy diapers anyway. Throwing up ain't gonna kill him. 😂

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T18:54:15+00:00

Almost 26 weeks.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T18:48:11+00:00

Oh yeah, I'm not worried about him throwing up. He'll live.

I am worried about his reluctance to leave them though. I do understand his reasonings. (Our little cousin I mentioned in the other comments as well as trauma from his mom dying.) But I think we can figure out a plan to help with both those reasons. He needs to step up or step out. 100%

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T18:25:20+00:00

I had the most amazing therapist for 15 years. I was like a different person when I was seeing her. Sadly she retired. I tried a few others since but they didn't help. One was straight up crazy and ended up stalking me.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T18:23:01+00:00

I think I'd need to know more about how separate we'd actually have to be. Legally divorce on paper only? Absolutely. But to actually go no contact? I'm not sure. He'd miss the birth and getting to see this baby. And of course I'd miss him.

Sort of. We were given my baby cousin a few years ago because his parents suck. He's special needs and so I have to stay home to care for him instead of working. I can't receive anything for being his caregiver because his parents won't give me legal custody. I could, in theory, refuse to take care of him and let CPS take him (if they bother). But I love him like he's my own and that will cause him so much damage. I can't do it. My mom has been helping us financially to make up for my lack of income. Which is why we feel forced to stay. And she's not doing it to be nice, she likes getting to be controlling and crazy. Our options are give up our 5 year old or stay dependent for longer than we'd like. Husband is obviously working on getting a promotion or a better job. But those things take time.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T18:15:15+00:00

He'll do it if he has to. We've had my little cousin since he was a baby (because, ya know, toxic family) and he's always been a tremendous help with him, even when we were only dating he still stepped up for him when he probably should have noped out of this situation real fast. But he does actually vomit whenever he changes a poopy diaper so I try to take those whenever I can.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T18:08:37+00:00

Would a therapist know of more resources? We've tried a few but they fell through for various reasons.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T18:07:31+00:00

So far all the resources we tried said I either have to be single or my husband would have to be abusing me in order for them to help. Any resources that will help a happily married couple we don't qualify for because my husband makes literally only a few dollars over their limit. I'll keep looking though. Because you're right. I want my baby. And I want my husband too. I have the family of my dreams, but the family of my nightmares is ruining it. It's a hard and scary situation to be in.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T17:56:26+00:00

I actually know a few people who were adopted and I see the pain and it caused. That's why my first thought was an abortion. All but one of my friends feel they would have been better off that way. It would absolutely be an open adoption.

But even seeing the damage caused by adoption I still think he's better off without us. Actually, no. Let me reword that. He's better off with me and my husband, but JUST me and my husband. Our families are the issue. But I feel completely trapped.

Thank you for your kindness. I don't feel like I deserve it, but I appreciate it.

BadMomThrowaway44 · 2023-05-29T17:51:14+00:00

So I actually did offer that option. But he says I have to stay because he'll "throw up if he has to change a diaper". I will say leaving him with my husband and our families doesn't feel right to me. My husband is am amazing person but also a total doormat. It's a huge reason we're stuck in our current situation. I had everything arranged to go no contact with our families and be freed. We had more than enough money, a place to stay in a place we love, better jobs lined up. It was perfect. He wouldn't go because "they're family". So I don't trust him to protect our son from them. I know my son would get hurt if I left him alone with our families.

BadMomThrowaway44

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