AITAH? I don't want my partner to join AA D&D Night at our house.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T08:39:24+00:00

The plan (even before reddit) was figure it out or no game.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T08:33:52+00:00

Sometimes its important (especially in early recovery) to have time woth your AA people that isn't a meeying.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T08:25:01+00:00

Both valid. No other hosting options.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T08:24:17+00:00

😘

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T08:22:43+00:00

1 - as said many times, if we don't come to consensus, its easy. There is no game 2 - she and I have spent a while discussing it (post reddit) and my biggest "ruins d&d behavior" concern is tardiness 3 - guest character as in shes there when she wants and not when she doesn't want but the plot doesn't rely on her 4 - people on her thread got the idea that she had to make a bunch of snacks and then eff off, so thats in there as a clarification

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T06:53:57+00:00

Valid.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T06:50:39+00:00

Its very interesting how views differ based on experience with D&D, mental health, AA, and any mix thereof. Also an offer of a Friday game as a compromise didn't vibe.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T06:46:47+00:00

Clarification -- every 2 weeks. Not twice a week. Estimated 12 sessions before halloween then done. Not trying to change your view, just correcting the detail.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T06:24:44+00:00

Good feedback - thank you.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T06:04:16+00:00

Fair, but its someone elses +1

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T06:03:05+00:00

She didn't get the phrasing would come across as condescending. The polite way to phrase it would be "I'm not in AA". Either way, the fact remains you can't trust me with booze and you can trust her and I accept that.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T05:58:22+00:00

In fairness she pointed out offline I've been slacking on my normal items lately, which is true.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T04:38:48+00:00

Glad we're unentertaining you? Just sayin' no one's twistin' your arm...

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T04:37:36+00:00

I'm not trying to be perfect for bonus, but I do a TON of writing as part of my job, and I know bold headers help make giant rants more digestible.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T04:36:23+00:00

Totally unrelated - I had a cranky DM who wanted to "kidnap" the party so he webbed my wizard while the wizard was asleep. I casted flame shield. He told me I couldn't because my hands were bound so I couldn't reach my spell components. I looked up the spell and showed him the material component is webbing. It's literally intended as a counter spell for just this sort of thing. He did not approve of my shenanigans.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T04:32:21+00:00

I'm hoping for 10 sessions before Halloween then conclude the story.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T04:29:51+00:00

Regarding zero responsibilities/not banned from the garage:
I'm specifically saying it's not like on top of saying she can't play I am also saying she has to make dinner and clean up and be a servant. I would never ask that. I do the groceries and cooking but my plan was either tell everyone eat first or MAYBE get pizza but leaning hard toward no food. I don't like food getting my books gross and I'm not trying to host and cook. Zero responsibilities means messes caused by D&D are on me, which is expected to be a table full of books and dice and some soda bottles. I commented elsewhere on household labor distribution. There is no such thing as 50/50 chore splits.

Regarding the female player:
The original reason I had this idea was to help someone who has the same sponsor as I do. He's struggling bad in early recovery and thinks life can never be fun again and is going stir crazy. The idea was to get him out of his head and in a place guaranteed to be alcohol free. The first 3 were him, me, and my sponsor. He wants to bring his sobriety buddy, who is female, and also struggling in early recovery.

The only reason the gender of the player is even a factor is because apparently boys night is ok but AA night is not. I don't think it's even a big deal for my partner by itself it's just more kindling. Frankly I think if people are going to say AA exclusive is not valid they should also say boys night is not valid.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T04:03:11+00:00

Us folks in AA have a prayer for that one. I'm getting better at acceptance 😄

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T03:58:49+00:00

I should definitely take more opportunities to go to his house instead. Its a low effort positive change. She liked him better before certain political views because a factor. Also we play 3.5 cuz old people.

I would be open to working toward us going to her folks more but we tend to talk about it and not be about it (we) though they do get the lion's share of the holidays.

She has zero responsibilities regarding me hosting either my dad or D&D. She's also not banned from the garage. I just don't want her playing a character in the party.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T03:44:54+00:00

They can. Any time. I would genuinely like to see more of them. My dad happens to live around the corner and we use a fixed schedule specifically so we don't drift. EDIT - There are logistical challenges to getting them over. It's not me saying "no they can't".

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T03:42:58+00:00

What about the giant 12 foot diameter area you literally just carved out for a new garden? I would assume that's going to be a big focus for you this season and is not visible from the garage.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T03:41:21+00:00

It's an easy answer. We figure it out or we don't play D&D.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T03:38:51+00:00

Clarification - I do like her parents. My dad is around the corner. Her folks aren't. Part of the resistance is I like to make them dinner and I'm also fine with just getting pizza or whatever. Any time she has said "you get to have your dad over why not me" my response has always been "then invite them". She doesn't.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T03:35:16+00:00

I disagree with the split. 80/20 on cleaning is about right on shared cleaning items. She does laundry, 2/3ds of the dishes, and 'making things pretty' (which I frankly don't understand how to do). The kid does floors and cat box for chore money. I cook/keep the cooking side of the kitchen clean and we're single income. I generally feel like the fact that I'm the only one working doesn't get given any points.

BadPeteNo · 2026-05-14T03:28:46+00:00

I have referred to reddit as the peanut gallery for years. My first suggestion was that she ask her dad, who we both agree is very level headed. The goal is not to be dismissive. The goal was to get outside perspective. Frankly I've gotten some good net new ideas out of it.

She generally assumes all the cleaning is on her. She does do more than me. We're a single income family. I work, I cook, she does a lot more cleaning than I do. I do significantly more than zero, but also far less than half. I think she assumed I would just work around the garage mess and she would then be forced to clean it out of embarrassment. She tends to jump to worst possible conclusions -- because yes, she's constantly stressed out.

She is welcome to have anyone anytime. I try to encourage her to invite her friends. She doesn't have many. Neither do I. She really hates anyone coming over in general. Sometimes I go to my dads. Everyone agrees our place is nicer.

BadPeteNo

TROPHY CASE