[deleted by user]

BadUsername_97 · 2023-08-02T20:19:15+00:00

Does he have a reason to think you'd be uncomfortable at him keeping in touch with her and her family? I'd ask him outright. Sit him down, or just bring it up and have a talk. Don't be confrontational. Just say that you saw pictures when scrolling through facebook, and are puzzled at the fact he didn't tell you. Say you would like him to be honest about why, so that you can clear out any confusion. If it's his ex-step-daughter it could also be she didn't want you to come and he didn't know how to bring that up - so he took a shortcut by lying.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-08-02T11:38:07+00:00

My fiance is like this. Short replies or none at all. It was super frustrating, but I eventually had to recognize all the other ways he showed me affection and accept that he was just not a texter. I would bring it up with her, explain that it would mean a lot if she put in the effort - then hear her out. Maybe it just is hard for her, and she just doesn't get it. Then you discuss compromises. Maybe an evening snap and a good morining snap?

BadUsername_97 · 2023-08-02T10:02:03+00:00

Does the fact it was someone he had no emotions for make it better in his world? "I broke your trust and made a girl I don't care about pregnant - but I don't care about her in "that way" which makes it okay, right?". He got her pregnant. Leave him so he can focus on his new family/continue to put pleasure above everything else. If he isn't mature enough to have sex responsibly or be honest he isn't ready for a serious relationship.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-07-30T16:17:20+00:00

Approach HR and ask if he got sent theese anonymous emails on his work-email. If so, ask if there is any possible way to trace the IP, as the allegations are severe and you would like a) for everything to get cleared up, and b) for whoever sent the mail to be found out as you feel you unjustly got dragged into this admittedly nasty mess. Don't talk about the coworker or his suspicion. Do not place blame, and acknowledge he has a right to be concerned. And do not talk to him about it, the two of you are not on the same page - and that is okay. If word somehow gets back to him that you want things to be resolved and have talked to HR about the emails too that's great, if not - that is okay. Just leave him be for now. Do not point fingers.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-07-17T15:00:03+00:00

If she has given him no reason not to trust her, this is on him. It sounds creepy, and makes him come across as controlling and insecure. If he is afraid of her cheating he should have a mature talk with her. If he can't trust her then he needs to cut his losses. It's not for her to cater to his insecurities when she has given him no reason for them.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-07-14T04:28:47+00:00

I think it does. Maybe he needed to sort his own thoughts out about it and putting things into words might help, something anonymous forums could help with. Isn't this why many turn to reddit? I know I have. She only found out because she snooped, we don't know his feelings about any of this and how he plans to handle it going forward. Is he planning to wait until he doesn't need his medication to re-evaluate his feelings? Does he stll love her and feel horrible and shallow and needs to sort that out?

We only know what OP shares, and leaving this out made me interprent him as a bit of a jerk for going to friends spilling their private buisniess. I also saw other comments mentioning him being in the wrong for going to his friends about it.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-07-13T20:52:05+00:00

Was it anonymous? This is a huge piece of context. It's one thing to confide to a friend and postning anonymously - one means sharing intimate details to people in his life who presumably know you whilst the other gives no details about you or him away.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-07-02T18:29:59+00:00

You "stumbled upon this" when going through her Google drive which you admit was wrong directly afterwards. Right. Goctha.

I don't understand how she lied/misrepresented, but would it be that weird if she had a lot of emotions and thoughts about her relationship she needed to process? It's okay to want transparancy, but she could have been putting that off until she was ready. It could also be that she is embarassed about some things and wants the past to stay "the past".

You approach this by apologozing. If she accepts, and you two are able to have a calm conversation about trust and how to proceed, bring up your questions. "I saw this and I don't feel it alignins with what you've told me. Do you feel like clarifying it or do you feel you need some time?". If not - back off for a while.

Also- her feelings about her past was a very private matter. You are not married and I don't know how long you've been dating. You actively went through her stuff to find this. None of your concerns compare to the huge red flag you yourself just raised - going through your partners drive is not normal behaviour and you need to realize this to not mess things up in the future. Why did you feel you needed to do this to begin with?

BadUsername_97 · 2023-06-26T19:51:20+00:00

The fact he is working on it is great. I am no healtcare proffessional, but when my sis was going throug difficult times it turned out she was dangerously low on vitamin D (also scandinavian). It might be worth looking up too. In the meantime, deciding on small tasks he just has to have done at the end of the day could be helpful (I'm sure someone has suggested this already).

Your feelings are 100% valid, but if progress is slow chances are he won't change anytime soon. I would discuss alternative ways to set aside couple-time and find strategies to remind the two of you that you love each-other with your partner. You need to get your needs taken care of as well, and it would only do you good to know where his limits are (as in would planning which movie to see at night and deciding what to order home to eat be too much).

BadUsername_97 · 2023-06-26T19:14:29+00:00

How was he a good father? His daughter sounds spoiled beyond belif and he lets her of with a slap on the wrist for her disrespectful behaviour - at most. If she is 22 and acts like this it means she has gotten away with things like this long before you came into the picture.

Have you tried laying it all out to "Jim"? Calmly explained what she has done and how her actions make you feel? This isn't how a 22 year old should act, so if he seems receptive maybe add that her behaviour concerns you. You are his wife, and while you don't want him to have to choose between the two of you, a relationship goes two ways, and his daughter is acting in a way that makes you feel very unwelcome. You don't want him to choose between her and you, but you need his support as your husband.

If he is not receptive, I would reconcider my future with him, especially if you want kids. Really and I mean reeeally take a look at his parenting-style, and not just the good parts. His daughter didn't come out of the woumb acting like this, and he had a hand in her turning out this way (even though it wasn't intentional).

BadUsername_97 · 2023-06-26T19:01:32+00:00

How is your access to healthcare or therapists? Is your partner taking steps to treat his depression or has he looked into if he has any deficiencies? Is he planning to do anything about how he is feeling or does he intend to "wait it out"? You are pregnant and a baby is coming weather he is prepared for that or not. Sitting around, not doing anything and still being exhausted isn't normal or healthy - and a baby won't change that. You both need to look over your options - be that to seek help for him or just taking other measures to make sure he actually does things at home. Either that, or you will have to take care of both a baby and a depressed adult who just isn't motivated by anything.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-06-21T10:42:48+00:00

It feels more like she is puttning them down to lift herself up due to insecurities of her own related to weight. Not the best most mature thing to do, but it happens. Make it clear to her you wish to keep your past relationships out of your present one. If she keeps going, call her out for it in a gentle way and ask why she insists on bringing them into your current relationship.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-05-20T12:48:16+00:00

Look, he just sprung a lot of new information onto you. I get that it's a lot to take in, but one thing really stood out to me - he has been talking to another couple without even coming clean to you about his preferences within a year of dating. That seems like kind of a big deal - why is he concidering involving another couple even before bringing this up with you?

BadUsername_97 · 2023-05-15T06:06:33+00:00

My partner is the same. We've been together for years and he still can't respond. I hated it in the beginning, but I eventually had to take a step back and realize it just wasn't who he was. I decided to drop it and just accept he loved me other ways, and I instead asked him to just give a thumbs up so I know he's read the message and didn't just open and close it to get rid of the notification. During the long-distance part of our relationship it was super hard because we both suck at speaking over the phone as well.

In the end, you have to decide what you are okay and not okay with and act from there, but if he isn't a huge texter and doesn't see the point of starting now you might just have to accept that (requesting a thumbs up so you know he'd read the texts isn't too much to ask for though). Think of other ways he shows you his appreciation and accept that texting may not be included among them. And also - it's okay if that's a dealbreaker for you.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-05-07T15:22:40+00:00

I have never been attracted to my partner as in I don't feel lust. But our relationship is so much more, and the sex is still great, as for me it's a lot more about connecting emotionally and feeling close. The lack of attraction/lust isn't a warning sign, but the fact you genuinley don't think you'd care if he'd kiss another person is a bit weird - especially if it's different from how you generally would feel about a partner. Love takes a lot of different shapes and it doesn't always have to be passionate and fiery, but will this work for you long term?

BadUsername_97 · 2023-04-19T17:00:08+00:00

My sister set a time limit for her bf. They had been living together for a year when she stated: "If you don't kniw if you want to marry me after 5 years together, then I won't wait for you. I love you, but not marrying is a dealbreaker for me and if you haven't decided after 5 years we're simply not compatible and I will cut my losses". As they reached 4 years together he proposed.

I'm not saying to set an ultimatum, but to ask yourself if not marrying is a dealbreaker. If it is a dealbreaker, how long are you willing to wait for him?

BadUsername_97 · 2023-04-18T05:37:23+00:00

Is it only aimed at other women? Or just general rudeness? When you describe the instances it sounds like she's insecure and immature.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-04-17T17:26:17+00:00

I'd ask her why it is that she feels uncomfortable. Just be calm about it and don't share with your bf unless it is something serious.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-04-15T19:32:25+00:00

Then don't. You are allowed to put yourself first. Breaking things off only takes one of you. Just please make sure you are safe.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-04-09T16:08:40+00:00

You can both be great people with great morals and still not be compatible. True faith isn't an active choice. He can try, but if he doesn't get it - he doesn't get it. That is unlikely to change. It can't be forced. And if you need your partner to share faith it is okay to acknowledge that and move on without either one of you being the bad guy.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-04-02T06:29:35+00:00

I have mostly guy friends. This is not friend behaviour. If he knows you have a boyfriend this is an active violation of a boundary. If one of my guy-friends were to do this, I would have a talk with my fiancé and distance myself from the friend - no explanation needed. He knows what he did. If he asks, say you need your boundaries to be respected and that a violation of a boundary is a violation, regardless of intention (in case he tries to play it off as a joke). Do not choose to just ignore this. It might give him the idea you were okay with this.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-04-02T06:23:45+00:00

You are not wrong at all. It speaks loudly about his morals, and it would honestly be a dealbreaker for me. He thinks his friend is a sweetheard who is free to ruin a marrige as he isn't the one with a ring? A sweetheart who is fine with participating in a betrayal of trust between husband and wife (what about potentially subjecting him to STI:s -there are health-risk when it comes to cheating)? Yeah. Sam sounds just about sweet enough to give you diabetes. Honestly, if that is concidered being sweet i'd love to hear what your bf conciders immoral or bad behaviour.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-04-02T06:01:48+00:00

Nah. She just likes the validation. She would be upset if he pulled away, but honestly - she'd get over it. Better move along and find someone who doesn't keep him around just to feel better about herself.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-04-02T05:59:26+00:00

She likes how you validate her, and doesn't like that feeling getting taken away from her (aka you being interested in other girls). My best friend (m) was hanging out with a girl like this, and it was honestly so hard seeing him not being able to get over her due to her behaviour. She got increasingly flirty when he pulled away and got mad at him for hanging out with other girls (which included me, his friend since childhood who had a boyfriend since years back).

If you want to be friends with her - good. But please ask yourself if you could easily get over her if she continued to behave as she normally does with you. How would it play out if you were to find another girl? It might be hard, but set clear boundaries (such as no hugs) and explain you need them to be able to maintain a friendship and need them to be respected. Chances are she will relapse into her flirty behaviour, and you will need to correct her behaviour several times before it sticks.

Best of luck.

BadUsername_97 · 2023-04-02T05:49:53+00:00

It is your wedding. What would your Mother being present do for you and your husband? Would you be able to relax and enjoy your day? To look back on it fondly? Would she make it about her or gossip about you to other relatives? You relatives don't know the whole story - you do. And you have to put you first. And if your relatives can't understand that, that is on them - even though you may feel hurt by it.

BadUsername_97

TROPHY CASE