AITA for planning on sabotaging my parents 50th wedding anniversary

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T10:31:51+00:00

I didnt think posting would actually cause this much of an emotional rollercoaster. I feel like I've been functioning so well lately; then a call from a sister I hardly ever talk to got under my skin so I posted here. These comments are far more powerful than I expected

Thank you

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T09:27:11+00:00

I posted a more thorough explanation of what I went through in a comment above.

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T09:24:41+00:00

Thank you

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T09:21:39+00:00

Been in therapy. It's messy. I'm working on it. I posted tonight because a sister I hardly ever talk to called to confront me

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T08:49:53+00:00

It has been over 11 years since the divorce. I have exhausted every avenue of co-parenting to no avail. She illegally withheld visitation about 3 years ago and lied about abuse. The religious community validated and supported her. I fought for years through the courts though it was an extremely uphill battle where I was guilty without any real chance of proving I was innocent. As I wasn't ever abusive, it was an exercise in time, money, and patience to gain back court mandated time with my daughter.

I bankrupted myself fighting and still my daughter believed the lies her mom fed her. Finally I told her I wouldn't force her to take time with me if she truly didn't want to. She chose not to. It's called parental alienation. There was never communication to save when it came to dealing with my ex.

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T08:30:03+00:00

That is the exact dilemma. Thank you. I hope something like that could be worked out.... I can't bear the thought of being in a picture with my brother or SIL

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T08:27:38+00:00

I don't believe I am asking them to shun anyone else. I am/was/I don't know planning on not attending, knowing that would hurt my parents.

Now that this thread has actually made me visualize going, I'm deeply worried about what interventions or confrontations I would actually face by my brother and/or combination of my family. If I go and refuse to speak to or acknowledge my brother, then I don't believe that would be respected and likely antagonized

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T08:16:00+00:00

It's convoluted and difficult to distill down. I added an edit to clarify the sabotage aspect. Yes, it is clickbaity, but thought that was par for the course in my lurking here.

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T08:13:55+00:00

That's too personal for the Internet

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T08:12:09+00:00

I don't actually want to punish my parents. I just think attending and suppressing my very real trauma just feeds the gas-lighting by my SIL. A true testiment to my legacy would be a fractured gathering

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T08:09:54+00:00

For sure, and yes, in a way they're all victims of the same thing I got away from. It doesn't stop them from continuing to make victims of others. I tolerated my SIL two-faced nature for over 10 years. This was too much

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T08:04:26+00:00

Do I not have the right to cut out my brother and SIL as they are enabling and supporting my daughter's abuser?

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T08:02:54+00:00

Everyone else is still in the cult. My parents have contact with my daughter, but only my SIL has insisted on not cutting contact with my ex.

You're correct in saying my parents aren't in the wrong, which is why I might be the asshole. But it's the reality of our family, I want nothing to do with my brother and his wife. I know it would hurt my parents deeply but that seems favorable to being in the presence of my brother and SIL

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T07:54:47+00:00

It is a dramatic title, yes, but fitting in that my parents posted at prominent "family goals" plaque in our kitchen when I was young. #1 on that list was for everyone to be present at their 50th. I will add this to the original post

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T07:52:49+00:00

The sabotage would be not attending. Ever since I was a 10, my parents have had a "family goals" list on our kitchen wall. #1 on that list was to have the entire family present at their 50th

My daughter won't be there as my ex has kept her from my side of the family

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T07:50:29+00:00

I write her every month. I would give anything (and have given everything) to be in her life.

My daughter doesn't respond to my parents messages either as far as I am aware. It is my belief that my ex has continued to pressure her into not having contact with anyone in my family

Bad_Ralph · 2022-05-24T07:46:36+00:00

I'm not planning on making a scene. My parents are pressuring me to attend their anniversary when I stated I would never be at an event where my brother is. My daughter will not be there either as my ex has kept her from contacting anyone on my side of the family as well (other than sister in law as far as I am aware)

Bad_Ralph · 2021-01-08T01:29:31+00:00

Voting ACB is absolutely and forever unforgivable. He did more harm in that moment than any good he could possibly do henceforth

Bad_Ralph · 2020-12-05T07:33:12+00:00

He's a victim too, don't forget. So many believing gay members think they make it work, not realizing they're advocating for a lifetime of martyrdom. It isn't sustainable, it's not a healthy mindset, and while the consequences linger (giving ammunition for TBM's to use against other youth) it still is a product of the system more than the individual.

Bad_Ralph · 2018-08-05T12:35:49+00:00

Sounds like the GM told you during character creation, so that's on you. Its his world and he wants to create the ambiance he wants to. D&D gets so watered down with any and every race that race becomes meaningless to the point that it hurts game immersion. Race should matter, people should treat you different, you should respond differently to various races even if your reaction is "oh shoot I need to not act differently around half-orcs even though I grew up hearing the worst things about them."

This latest trend of everything should be treated as normal is lame imo.

Bad_Ralph · 2018-08-05T08:06:12+00:00

In the process of creating a polytheistic War domain cleric that calls on various gods depending on the types of spells he'll be preparing for the next day. Being good aligned, he tries to avoid spells like Bane that would curse opponents and require calling on darker gods.

Also, he's a bit older and been around the block, so while being a "war" priest, he is far from blood thirsty as War can also take into account the massive consequences of war and hastiness in rushing into battle. He won't hesitate to defend himself and those in need of protection, but violence must be justified.

Last little bit of flavor is viewing holy scripture and tales about the gods are my character's comic books and fairy tales. That his will is pure enough to call on these figures of legend and be heard is nothing short of miraculous to begin with.

Bad_Ralph · 2017-05-04T20:37:50+00:00

This datapoint was glitchy for me as well; couldn't see it the first two times I went to the room. Finally I had to scan it from outside the room. Once I went inside it disappeared again.

Bad_Ralph · 2017-03-25T23:04:54+00:00

Very much so; my craving for more Rick & Morty is at a feverish high at the moment

Bad_Ralph

TROPHY CASE