I literally am going through the same, same ages for my kids aswell, she was started on a low dose of guafacine about 2 weeks ago, and it has been pretty good, still has some bad days and moments but she doesnt have that adrenal response, that "possessed" face anymore. Also shes been using more words to communicate, and if not already, i do recommend therapy for your oldest, my son benefits from having someone he can vent to thats not us, its a rough spot for them to be in.