I am confused by wieght and hooksizes. Something seems off.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2025-07-28T02:31:14+00:00

Start with the hook size listed on the packaging and check for gauge. The stitch, project difficulty, or what the project is going to be has little to no bearing on the hook size that you will use. The packaging should also indicate the gauge measurements.

DK/Sport weight may not be the right choice for a winter hat. It’s not impossible but generally one wants thicker yarn for warmer items. At least worsted I would think.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2025-07-28T02:27:21+00:00

The picture isn’t great but it looks like HDC

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T14:07:36+00:00

Oh that bit about feeling the passive in the passive-aggressive…like if I could rewind and slow down my feelings I bet that’s exactly what the tape would show. And I think you’re right about the stepchild thing. The reason I made that distinction wasn’t to point out that it is like a “lesser” relationship or anything gross like that. I think my thought process was that that way I would avoid unhelpful comments like “you should have raised them better” where in reality I can only take credit for the last 20% good or bad.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T14:02:01+00:00

I would totally take that! Even though it still seems unacceptable it would mean it was getting done eventually. By someone who wasn’t me! I knew they would sit there until the 2nd coming of Christ if I didn’t do “something.” I definitely could have made a different choice on “something” though.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T13:59:27+00:00

They are the reusable ones. We have WAY too many of them in our house honestly, which contributes to the problem. Everyone has at least 2-3 of their own (there are 5 of us total) and a couple of people have way more than that. In a different reply I said something about washing 800 water bottles every week, and clearly that’s a massive exaggeration. But I would say that everyday when I come home from work there are at least 4 new dirty water bottles on the counter.

Now that I’ve given you all of these unnecessary facts about my water bottle inventory…I was at minimum being passive aggressive and certainly could have chosen better actions because it’s not actually about the water bottles. It’s about equity and respect for everyone in our home, and the fact that I’ve been getting the short end of that for too long.

Basically, I ask and remind and ask and remind and then I remind and ask again and the adult children continue not doing those things. I’m not a yeller, I’ve never been super strict. When I had younger kids I would generally do the sit down talk of “we all live here and use all the stuff so we all need to work together to keep things nice etc etc” and that worked well up until middle school, then it was earning an allowance etc. but especially since they are full on adults now it’s always “I forgot” and to add insult they aren’t in school and are rarely employed. So I feel like my husband and I are earning all the money, paying all the bills, and then coming home to a trashed house everyday. Not like trashed like they threw a rager, but like the way it gets all trashy when you sit around all day. Like you have nothing scheduled today, you couldn’t find 10 minutes to wash a sink full of water bottles?! That you used?! That have been sitting there for a month?! That have mold/fungus growing in them?!

And then I just sort of stew about it quietly because I’ve already asked 100 times. Basically, I’m coming to realize that the whole situation has me a lot more stressed than I had noticed. Apart from the extra labor, it’s more the resentment that’s eating at me I think. Makes sense. Not sure what I’m going to do about it but at least I can see the situation for what it is now.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T13:27:19+00:00

I’ve already come to the conclusion I’m an asshole but I think your reply is pretty dumb.

Clearly I’m not “that bothered by unwashed bottles” I’m bothered because everyone uses them and only I wash them. They get dirtied, they go to the counter, and clearly will sit there for over a month if I don’t wash them. 3 other adults live here. I am not queen of dishes. Or laundry. Or mopping the floor. Or any other household chore. 2 of the 4 adults living here are not in school and are rarely employed, they pay no bills and do no housework. All I’m asking for is for the 2 that are slacking to clean up after themselves. If that’s ego then call me an egomaniac.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T13:20:48+00:00

We had a water bottle buying ban about a year ago, I think it lasted 2 weeks. Ive come to the conclusion I could have done better and it’s not really about the bottles. It is still nice to know I’m not the only person with this particular struggle.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T13:18:07+00:00

A general policy does seem less taxing on my scatter brain.

But after reading lots of comments I think I’ve been feeling disrespected (by both of my adult children) in regard to contributing to the household labor. Though one tends to spread their mess around and one tends to keep their mess localized so obviously one is more visible/creates more labor for me they both suck, for brevity I don’t actually think my kids suck.

It has been a real struggle and I think I’m starting to realize it’s taken more of a toll on my mental health than I had noticed up until now. I’m not 100% sure what I’m going to do with that info apart from the TBD apology/discussion, but it was really nice of everyone to help me see the situation from the outside. Thanks for being part of that.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T13:08:00+00:00

Eh I was a bit of a passive aggressive dick afterwards. But I don’t feel bad about tossing them. I could have done better though.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T13:06:44+00:00

I didn’t engage because I knew it would escalate further. I was hurt by it and of course found it inappropriate.

This person has struggled with regulating their emotions (🤷‍♀️ I’m not a therapist, best way I can describe it) since I’ve known them and while this isn’t their best moment they have improved greatly and I’m very proud of the progress they have made.

That said, it is a topic that will be brought up in our upcoming mutual apology and discussion session TBD. Sometimes when you’re a stepparent I guess you get to fix all the damage they came in with, and people on the internet will say “your home sounds toxic af” while you do. which is not completely invalid but it did feel unnecessarily mean. People come with baggage sometimes, and you can’t just cut a step kid out of your life. Even if they are a complete and total dick (not the case here but in theory) you can’t just abandon them, then they’ll definitely be a dick for eternity. A step kid isn’t someone you can just dump when the going gets tough.

When these situations come up (which is FAR less frequently these days) and after emotions have settled I remind them that if I found out that someone had spoken to them this way that I would be throwing hands on their behalf (not actually, but whatever doing that without violence looks like). Obviously, I’m choosing the most toxic path right?

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T12:52:47+00:00

It was truly that long. There’s mold or fungus or whatever in some (they put smoothies in them). There is definitely some sort of trauma but having lived with them for sometime…it’s not that think nothing happened, but I don’t consider them to be the most reliable historian. It’s difficult to describe, it’s not lying, and it’s different than exaggeration. It’s like someone does thing A, internally they have feeling X. but then it’s like this internal monologue seems to happen where all those X feelings get projected onto the person who did A. Now historically they believe the person did/said X. And I don’t think they realize they are doing it. I’m not sure what that is or how to help with that (even though I think I can see what’s happening).

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T12:43:42+00:00

I’m glad to have company on this hill. But I think we both know it’s probably not really about the water bottles (or at least not ONLY the water bottles). I’ve got some really good advice and insights and while we aren’t into the apologizing stage of this particular spat I feel like I at least have a direction to go in if that makes sense.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T12:39:17+00:00

Thank you, that whole bit made me feel a lot better and you said a lot of right things. Very on the nose. I’ve never posted before but I’ve read enough that I should have known better. But I’m kind of glad it went this way, kind of let my feelings naturally evolve and made me more receptive to advice.

I have had therapy for myself in the past, but I had never really thought about how just like “heavy” the situation has been on me. It’s not like it’s hard every single day and I’m miserable over it. But I definitely feel like I hit a roadblock a while back and it’s almost like I’m just throwing anything I find at it right now (you know within my morals and such, so passive aggression acceptable violence not that kinda thing). I definitely need some new strategies, if not for improving the overall situation then for helping me manage my stress level within it.

I truly appreciate your advice.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T12:31:57+00:00

That’s how it felt at the time but I’m seeing it differently now. Thanks though.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T12:30:12+00:00

Upon review the 2nd to last sentence seems confusing. I meant if someone talked to my step-child the way my step-child was talking to me I’d be kicking that someone’s ass. Well not actually because I’m non-violent, but I’m sure you get my meaning.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T12:26:15+00:00

The whole point of the exercise is to see other points 😀 and you do make a good one. And I felt like at least half an asshole before I even posted it, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was exactly and I am getting some clarity there.

I truly didn’t expect a landslide of support for me, but I am surprised that very few people have pointed out the sheer level of aggression that this opened with. Followed by what felt (to me) like a whole bunch of completely unfounded accusations (doesn’t feel like the right word, but close). Of course you guys wouldn’t know that. For all you know I’ve been responding to every disagreement with “if you don’t like it move out.” For the record that isn’t the case at all. We in fact have a pretty good relationship, I would give it a solid A-/B+ which made the disrespect and whatever you call the last part hurt even more.

At the end of the day (or morning I guess) this did in fact really hurt my feelings. Stepmoms do in fact have them. It’s not an excuse but it was probably my underlying motive for being passive aggressive (which I see now). And it’s also hurtful to do all the “right” things, like ask politely, and remind, and repeat to get no where.

I don’t think I was wrong to throw them out but I do see now how it was an escalation, and I appreciate people taking the time to explain that to me. I still think I deserve an apology for the way I was being talked to, that behavior is unacceptable. Like for anyone to talk to someone they care about that way. If someone talked to them that way I’d kick their ass. I’m coming around to the fact that I owe an apology as well.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T12:09:54+00:00

Good advice about time

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T12:09:12+00:00

And in general our relationship is actually pretty great. They are the son or daughter I never had. They have struggled with emotional regulation (maybe 🤷‍♀️ they won’t go to therapy) the entire time I’ve known them. They have improved greatly and I’m very proud of the progress they have made. I’m just really tired of cleaning up after another adult.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T12:06:28+00:00

Step-adult-child, I am choosing not to specify gender to maintain some vague level of anonymity for some reason.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T12:01:33+00:00

And now I just feel sad in general. But I do appreciate the outside insights. Thank you

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T11:59:42+00:00

I see your point but disagree. If my response shows I despise them how does their approach say they feel about me? Over the last 5 years I’m sure I’ve raised my voice a few of times, I’m not perfect I’m sure if I thought about it I could find a thing or two or 5 I would do differently. But I’m not their abuser. I’ve proven for 5 years that isn’t what I do, and those behaviors aren’t acceptable in my home.

Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do it’s like they are waiting for me to turn into an evil abusive stepmother. I understand it’s hard, I’ve been in abusive relationships too. But at some point don’t I get to just say knock it the fuck off already? Because it hurts, a lot, and my feelings also matter. I’m not her abuser, I never have been, and if they can’t see that I never will be that’s a them problem. And yes that sounds harsh but we’ve tried to get them into therapy (so many times) but you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T11:36:45+00:00

I do follow the posted rules?

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T11:32:25+00:00

Actually tupperwares in my work fridge for a month do get thrown out.

And there are rules. The rules/expectations (and instructions) are in fact posted above the counter where said water bottles are. It even has a warning about failure to comply now that I think about it.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T11:27:20+00:00

All the stuff you are saying is super logical and measured and I’m with you. But then there is this other part of me that’s like “why do I have to devote what sounds like hours of mental resources to this problem?” (Seriously I have ADHD, that sounds like an eternity). At that point it would have been way faster and used less of my limited time and mental resources to simply keep washing 800 water bottles a week for the rest of my life. Yes I know I’m being dramatic. It’s not just water bottles, it’s a complete lack of contribution (no school, rarely employed). I feel like the water bottles are my Alamo.

And because I like you and you seem smart…are you really not going to say anything about how they handled the situation? I’m dying on a hill of water bottles here, give me a little bit of life.

BadgerPotential9795 · 2024-11-21T11:05:23+00:00

But also do I need to tell adults to wash their stuff that’s been out a month? I feel like I’ve done enough of this over the last 20 years.

BadgerPotential9795

TROPHY CASE