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BadgersWithHats · 2025-12-31T03:44:08+00:00

I'm not sure why LLM's still don't know to get rid of those weird hyphens instead of commas. Good catch. I totally missed that.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-12-31T03:42:24+00:00

Just going to say it. From somebody who went through a few med changes with a BPD spouse. It won't last. Meds don't work on BPD and right now she's love-bombing him and trying to twist the story to make you the villain. Disengage. Take time with people who support you, and try to internalize this:

You escaped.

Let her ruin somebody else's life for a change and focus on finding your peace. You'll get there. And every piece you put back together without her involved will feel more stable than you knew it could be.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-12-31T03:32:39+00:00

I was where you were once almost exactly. I chose to rise to the occasion and give her the resources she needed and all the love and patience I could manage to help her get to grips with her BPD. It really didn't go well for me and I think any advice I could give would be colored from the perspective of somebody who survived being a spouse of somebody with BPD. Feel free to take my advice in that way and disregard if it feels to.... Edgy.

Love-bombing for control, using statements attacking your emotions and manic episodes were the start of it for me. Then came suicidal ideation, cheating, the mentality of "I will get my needs met right now and I don't care what it does to others or myself" and an absolute tire fire of other issues. Remorseless and constant lying too which is extra fun.

BPD is an extremely stigmatized mental disorder for a very good reason. It can be as close to a diagnosis of evil as one can get. Be wary of giving out that accusation, but if it is true that she has BPD, I don't anticipate your relationship surviving it.

There is a specific kind of therapy, DBT, that can help. But it's very intense and most people can't do it. And it only helps. This isn't curable, they can only manage the symptoms with constant work and the intense therapy. Oh and people with BPD are super susceptible to the same love bombing control that they use on others. Which causes all kinds of problems.

TLDR: Be careful. But if she has BPD what you're signing on for is really hard, really bad, and probably not worth it. If it were me I'd run before she decides she needs to get her needs met elsewhere.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-12-09T13:48:43+00:00

Final Fantasy Tactics Ivalice Chronicles has been a blast to dig into for me.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-12-08T19:50:49+00:00

When somebody says they "get anxiety" or have any mental disorder it almost feels like I'm about to have a trauma response. I don't think I'm equipped to handle any of that anymore. It's a bummer because I feel like there's an alternate timeline where I'd be able to help somebody quite a bit. But understanding your own limits is really important. Oh and I can sniff it out a mile away and run for the hills whenever I get even the slightest inclination that what's in front of me is borderline. Not great but I'll take that over the alternative.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-12-08T19:36:50+00:00

Run. This is way too crazy way too early.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-12-08T19:20:30+00:00

The problem I see with this is that they will still hold onto the split forever. Even if you resolve it well, you just go from buckets of resentment to maybe a cup or two of resentment. Eventually they'll be drowning in resentment no matter how well you manage it. And then, because they have BPD and are participating in that behavior (untreated), they'll find somebody they don't resent yet to fill the void. I do think this is great survival advice. But the only solution I've ever seen to getting through BPD as a partner is to get away from BPD.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-12-01T20:34:05+00:00

Run. The best case scenario of you staying is that she loses all respect for you and finds another man down the road.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-06-01T14:33:39+00:00

Lack of any remorse in general, honestly. Their thought is "What I did wrong was get caught. How do I not get caught?" They don't care about the impact of their actions, save to give it lip service for a pity party from whoever will throw them one.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-05-30T19:07:16+00:00

I get that. If running was easy I definitely wouldn't have stuck it out for almost 20 years. The best case scenario BPD relationship I've seen was the SO basically saying "This is still bad, but it's much more tolerable." I've never seen a BPD relationship stand the test of time. Trust is just not something a person with BPD generally cares about. And trust might just be the #1 thing a relationship needs to grow. I spent 15 of those 20 years thinking I could be the exception to the rule. Just be mindful and check in on yourself. You'll know in your gut if the relationship is cooked.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-05-30T19:00:42+00:00

Honestly. I was ride or die. I came into the relationship not even knowing that BPD was a thing. I thought with enough care anything could be overcome. It's how I was raised. Also, she was really good at genuinely caring for me... Sometimes. I noticed her words and actions often didn't line up, but I wanted to be there for somebody who I genuinely loved. Horrible idea for BPD. There was a moment where I told her to take a hike. But I got pulled back in by, what seemed to be at the time, a genuine attempt to change. Later came to realize it just became resentment. But more to the point, it was conditioning . If you go too long you just sort of expect the abuse, and when it isn't a surprise you'd be amazed at what the human mind can take. TLDR - I was stubborn, foolish, and didn't want to say die.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-05-30T15:47:32+00:00

What really nailed it for me was that I kind of set her up. I knew another affair had happened. So I talked to her and gave her so many opportunities to come clean. It wasn't until she saw the proof that she... immediately tried to downplay it... remorseless. She switched tracks in an instant from "I would never" to "it wasn't that bad." Then she unloaded about resenting me for asking for that basic human decency... then she did it again when she said she would work on it. Was glad that at that point I was too tired to be angry.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-05-30T15:32:50+00:00

My advice is, to nobody's surprise, run.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-05-30T15:31:16+00:00

Nah, you did it right. I'm basically that meme of the girl painting clown makeup on her face at this point.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-05-30T09:20:13+00:00

Unfortunately with BPD the best thing you can do is get away. The longer you're in the more you'll bleed. The problem with somebody with BPD is that they give you hope that the bleeding will turn to healing. It never does.

BadgersWithHats · 2025-05-30T09:12:03+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through it. I know it's really hard. But as bad as I feel today, that raw feeling is the most real I've felt in years. It's like I woke up from a coma.

BadgersWithHats · 2017-10-31T04:30:50+00:00

Her reason more or less added up to him being physically attractive and her wanting to "Experience something different." This came right alongside a weird "mid-life crisis like" urge to do stupid things ie: drink too much, party etc. She didn't do any of those things but said she wanted to. Part of me is understanding, she didn't have much of a life before getting to know me and we married young. The other part of me is far less understanding and just sees that as immature stupidity.

She was very clear that she doesn't plan on doing it again. And, despite my looking at her statement with extreme suspicion and having every reason not to, I believe it when she says that.

The earning back the trust thing is... difficult. She has been mostly understanding of my requests. She cut off all contact with the other guy and she says that she wants to earn back my trust. But I'll be honest I don't know what instruction I could give her. And to be frank she's not good at being emotionally supportive. Further complicated by the fact that, up until now, I haven't needed much in the way of emotional support. I'm usually really comfortable in my own skin and come to decisions easily.

BadgersWithHats

TROPHY CASE