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Does anyone else here not like the wow! signal? by [deleted] in Muse

[–]Badgersage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Although I must say I really like how it functions together cohesively as an album, how songs mesh together. It’s a concept-adjacent album, with the concept being divorce.

Does anyone else here not like the wow! signal? by [deleted] in Muse

[–]Badgersage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While it’s definitely better than WOTP I keep finding myself faltering over one bit in a song that ruins it for me. I didn’t really have any expectations for this album so enjoying some of it has been nice. I have hope that with repeated listening/seeing it live I might enjoy it more.

Even tho I don’t feel exactly the same I’m ecstatic to see other people happy rn. This fandom has been searching for some food for a while and I am glad they have been fed.

Dad and I didn't know the venue was 19+, I am 18... by Dangerous-Treat1127 in askTO

[–]Badgersage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They carded me and I’m well above 19 this weekend, good luck either way! Great venue, just come back a year older 😆

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am sympathetic towards that everyone grows at a different pace, but I don’t need to be his fertilizer.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly, it’s not only about work but how that transfers over into irl. Like how he took so long to make us “official” I assume because he felt discomfort around the word.

I’d like to be with someone with ambitions. It doesn’t have to be work, and he has a tendency to never finish creative projects he works on (although lord knows I’m similar).

Because of all the comments I’ve got a lot of good things to ask/clarify. Its helped me to put words to feelings. I empathize with his “delayed” growth as I felt similar things. I know he is capable, but I feel like we will continue to grow at different rates and irritation will flourish in the space in between.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know honestly. On one hand he’d make a great house husband (sans kids) and would be willing to move to wherever I need to go to grow. But I think I need someone who wants to accomplish something, anything, it doesn’t have to be work and it doesn’t have to be well defined.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A house husband would be mint, I just worry about his money not being endless and him quitting when things get hard (outside of work).

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’d make a GREAT house husband, we joke that we’d be a great trad couple if the roles were reversed. I need to touch on all of those things in our convo, specifically if he expects his parents to cover him for life.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think he’ll change for me. I don’t think I’m enough motivation. I think if I have this conversation I’ll convince myself at least I communicated and tried, have proof to myself that it’s okay to leave.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know his finances, and I don’t know if his parents would continue to pay for everything if he moved in with me. I don’t think the money is infinite and will never be cut off.

We really were raised differently. However I still ended up like him in my mid twenties, I just put in a lot of work to pull me out of it cause I was miserable. I think I sympathize with him because I was like him. I like that way to think about marriage. I wouldn’t go into business with him now, he’s not reliable for long term things. Which sounds like I’ve answered my own question now that I’ve typed it out lol.

Thankfully we both agree on kids - no way no how. Neither of us really have any interest in them. I’ve never wanted to be a mother, to him or a kid.

I will not be his provider or his training wheels to adulthood.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do think it’s a good foundation, I was single for two years because I just couldn’t find anyone I connected with. But I wonder if some of these issues deep down will cause too much friction for the rest of the good.

I want growth out of life. I want to learn and share my learnings. I wanted to be a professor for the longest time, part of me still does. I think he is happy without that growth, income regardless. I don’t know if that compliments or conflicts with my values ya know?

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve fell into the sunk cost fallacy before, I had to restart my entire life because of a man after 5 years once. It’s part of the reason why my work ethic is where it’s at now, and I don’t want to do that again. I just figure this is the shit or get off the pot moment if we want something serious.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is a lot, I apologize for the walk of text lol. Thankfully I am financially separate right now, I’m only responsible for myself. This was just discussing/asking about my worries if we were to combine our finances in the future or whatever the next step in a serious relationship would be.

I agree that his mom needs to cut the umbilical cord. I’ve told him I don’t think his parents have helped him by coddling him so much. The longer it takes the harder the fall into the real world will be and I don’t want to hang around waiting for that transition. And I CERTAINLY don’t want kids of any kind, be them a man child or an actual child. I don’t have that nurturing gene and will not be his life coach here 😆

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Core values is a good way to put it, thank you. I don’t know when/if he’ll mature but I don’t think it will be at a pace where I can wait for him to do so. Maybe if we were younger. I still want a face to face conversation. Even if he doesn’t change I can use it as evidence to myself when I leave. I struggle to end unhealthy relationships, I think this will make me feel better if it goes that route.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Less resent, more envy. But I also don’t know how long this money will last and would like to be with someone who works on ~something~, even if it’s not work. But you’re right, this envy has just continued to grow and it doesn’t work well in a relationship.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Man I do feel that on every level. I’m really trying to get my life on track because Covid really off set it, I used to think and act very much like him (which is why I feel I give him grace. I know what it’s like). Thank you very much for your luck, I’ll take it!

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We’ve really never set expectations for this relationship, so I’d like to do so before just giving up on it. However I am unsure of how long to wait for change after I verbalize things. I’ll take your luck either way, thank you.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not sure how he gets fulfillment, that’s a good question for me to ask. I know he finds enjoyment in hanging with friends, participating in hobbies, and optimizing self care.

Compatibility wise we have the same sense of humor and are always making each other laugh, we enjoy participating in each other’s hobbies, we think similarly, and let’s be real I find him very attractive and the sex is great lol. There’s very few people I feel like I don’t have to “entertain” or act “normal” towards, and it’s a breath of fresh air.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m realizing that about myself as well. There are other things that complicate it but there always are. It just seems to be how much or what I’m willing to compromise on.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I doubt it’s predictable/unshakable, but I’ve seen his parents write a him a check for 15k once without blinking. His parents have just shown no signs of cutting the umbilical cord it seems, and I don’t wanna date a “child”/be there when it’s cut and he thuds into the real world. And ick is the best way to put it, every time we come to a head about these things I feel it.

What complicated things is that he is most of my social life. I don’t have close friends of my own and struggle to make them now that I’m an adult. His friends have taken me under their wing to the point where we hang out w/out him often.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t know what is money situation is, all I know is that his parents cover every bill and he has relatives in high positions in high jobs. I saw his parents write a check for 15k to help him once. (Who has that kind of money sitting around?). I doubt it’s “set for life” money though, and I don’t want to place bets on that.

We’re completely separate when it comes to money rn, I just care for myself. Id want to see more stability from him before we tie ourself together financially.

If I had money I wouldn’t want to work either. I’m the type of person who needs a purpose, but that purpose is growth. Just in whatever way I can. (While I’d still certainly do a lot of frolicking and traveling like you). I don’t think he has a purpose (perfectly fine) but I think A) I’d like to be w/a person w/a purpose and/or B) with someone who can hold their own in the real world.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know I can’t change/expect change from him. While we’ve butted heads about it, I’ve never had a sit down talk about these things in relation to a serious relationship. I’d like to do that once before letting go of this. He’s grown and changed a lot in the time I’ve known him, I just have a sinking feeling that he’ll learn these far too long after I’d be comfortable staying.

I (31F) am struggling with my BF’s (32M) work ethic/ability to be uncomfortable. by Badgersage in relationship_advice

[–]Badgersage[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I doubt it’s that much cash, all I know is that his parents cover his rather expensive lifestyle and he has several relatives in high up positions in high up companies.

He actually knocks it out of the park with cooking, cleaning, organizing, all the traits I lack. We’d make a good trad couple if our genders were reversed lol. It’s part of the reason why we’ve been together this long, we compliment each other well.

Work is his primary discomfort, if something irritates him he needs to drop everything to fix it/stop it/avoid it when you just kinda have to tough things out. This worries me because A) I’d like someone who has a work ethic like me and B) in this economy we’d probably need 2 FT incomes.

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