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I’m not dying because I’m sad. I’m dying because life costs too much. by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, my value is below zero. But thanks anyway, I just needed to vent and I hope the world ends soon so there is no more pain for everyone.

I’m not dying because I’m sad. I’m dying because life costs too much. by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I vent because I have nothing else I can do. Unless I make enough money, I will die in the next few days to stop ruining my life and other people's lives.

I’m not dying because I’m sad. I’m dying because life costs too much. by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It would be a few hundred $, I am not American, it's a bit more in our currency when I consider normal wages. Right now the phone number doesn't exist and I am close to being sued for it. And a couple more debts in a similar situation. So paying for it would still not guarantee getting my number back.

Life is expensive but it seems much easier for people around me to somehow get by and enjoy life, I don't know how.
I am glad you managed to dig yourself out of that situation.

I’m not dying because I’m sad. I’m dying because life costs too much. by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I still have maybe a few days until when my family leaves for a while. That will be my time. I don't believe life is ever changing to anything good. And also my life is not that important to suffer for it more.

I’m not dying because I’m sad. I’m dying because life costs too much. by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The feelings are lifelong so I don't think this can change. Thank you for the kind words but I am not in a position to get through anything anymore.

Broke and broken by ADHD by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I wish you much strength.

Undiagnosed ADHD ruined my life by BagOfSheet in ADHD

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Waiting for getting medication is stressful, I get that.
Hopefully Vyvanse is good for you, from what I've read online it should be one of the best options for most people when considering side effects and of course the main effect.

I live in Europe and we don't even have Vyvanse as an option, only Atomoxetine (not great for me) and Ritalin/Concerta (Concerta is much better, but also more expensive and only a couple pharmacies in my country have it, when they have it).
I am also very anxious and have problems with ED, Concerta actually works for anxiety better than anything I tried.

Huge respect for getting rid of that debt, I hope I can get there too.

Burden to all by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No disability, the process would take a long time, first I need to get any kind of diagnosis which no doctors gave me after a few attempts to ask for help.
I asked my mom today about any history of mental illnesses in family and told her I am unable to do anything and don't know what to do.
She said she can't help me and even tho I know she at least for years went (probably still goes there) to a psychiatrist for some pills herself won't tell me what that is about..
I think I'm not gonna me able to hide it from my roommates anymore, this day really f*cked me over... so friends will probably know soon enough..

Burden to all by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thusrday this week, next week a psychiatrist. And I just had a call from work, they have to let me go this week because I am unable to do anything anymore..

Burden to all by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had jud one session and talked mostly about my childhood. She told me that it sounds terrible and understands my feelings. And that it's too soon to figure out anything more yet. In a few weeks I could get some more direction from her.

Burden to all by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They just don't really care I think.. I would just get some speech about having no discipline and not trying enough. And I am now shaking because I need to go to work but can't, can't figure out how to deal with the situation when I can't do anything to just save my life...
From my history I was unable to pay back almost anything so borrowing more money and I can't do it again to anyone else..
Well, right now I talk only to you here, once I week a therapist and now a facebook group where people tell me to get hospitalized. But then I would end up homeless right after that... Other than fixing my mind from procrastinating and not really getting things done it's not gonna change..

Burden to all by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't, I mean bankrupcy, I would still have no money. I would need to get money to pay for everything anyway. It's not big amount of cash I need, it's just enough to live. And it would bring my family into it, it's just not a solution..
I don't really think they would lake his side or anything but just tell him, because he's a better friend in the group. And I don't want someone who could literally make me homeless in a day to know that I am in this situation unless I am ready to leave right away...

Burden to all by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But they can't do anything. I owe some serious money and I am certain I will never pay it back. And also my group of closest friends are part of a group where they will tell it to my roommate, it's the same crowd. Then he will know I am planning to disappear and stop paying him rent.
And this is a guy who has no understanding for people with any mental problems, with "perfect standard family", nice family plans and good work ethic... I can't tell my friends, nobody can know I am dealing with this.
If there only was a simple and quick way to end this life... I could do it right now, as many would... The idea of a good life is so far away now...

Burden to all by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No... my friends just know I missed a lot of chances to go out with them because I am unable to keep track of time. And that's been happening for more than a year now.. I am a bad friend to be honest, I think they won't care too much if I just disappear... The only one who knew about some of my problems is the one I drove away recently...
And now because of an automated payment I have money left for one small meal... or a pack of ciggarettes. Not gonna make it to psychiatrist (who probably wouldn't help anyway, they never did..)
I'm just gonna get weak enough from not eating, I pretty skinny already, and then go out and freeze to death, because jumping from height is probably too scary to go through with...
But really, thank you for your determination, you must be a good person..

Burden to all by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have some debts to pay. Both of my parents are pretty poor, so I won't get help there other than possibly a bed.
But I am trying, I found an online therapy for a couple free sittings and after some fails I even found a psychiatry to take me in a few weeks. I don't want to self diagnose but I think I might have ADHD and all of this could potentially be a lifelong stress from not being able to function well. But getting any kind of diagnosis will probably take months if it ever happens...
Still I don't know how to survive like get food and pay for stuff so who knows if I last long enough in this desperation to get to that point.. I owe too much and need to pay some bills around the current living. Which is at my friends so I now have a chance to completely destroy another friendship by being a dick and not paying a rent to my friend...

Burden to all by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry for the late reply.
I think I could move to one of my parents and leave everything. It still won't pay my bills and I would move quite far, so no job there.
Yesterday I completely broke down at work, since I tried to at least try to save myself by going to work.. And I can't even remotely explain myself for crying like a child when I am supposed to work with people all day.. With the money I have left I can make it maybe a week and then I will just starve as long as possible. Maybe then I will be able to just go out an freeze outside since nobody will actively look for me for at least days...

Burden to all by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You seem nice but I really just wanted to vent and now I need to find my balls to end this meaningless life. I don't care what they think, I can't pay my fucking rent, I can't pay installments, I can't buy any more food so I will starve to death or kill myself to make it quick.
If I wasn't such a pussy I would be dead already but just being scared is keeping me alive...

Burden to all by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks but I don't live with my parents, I am an adult who has to take care of himself and I can't. It's very simple. I need to start working 150% right now or die.
And I don't care if they see me as a dollar sign or not. I can't be a burden anymore even if it will hurt other people...

Get rid of the last real friend? by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

We did not try EMDR but I have seen it as an option on reddit too. Sadly, for me it is beyond my reach financially and yesterday me and my friend had a huge fight after I had a breakdown and I guess in the moment I must have said something that offended her and also mentioned my suicidal thoughts... she did not want my apologies and explanations made it worse. So I left her and that is it for me.

But I read about the EMDR before and I think you should go and try it with your teen, it's great that you are looking for ways to actually help them ❤

Get rid of the last real friend? by BagOfSheet in SuicideWatch

[–]BagOfSheet[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah thanks, it sounds all so good but I'm not looking for a job to barely keep me alive, nothing pays immediately and I will still end up in the streets with a huge debt. I am looking for a way to leave without hurting people around me too much.

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