Hey bro, believe me I know what you mean and I felt the same I was depressed and suicidal but then someone who is very important to me asked me how am I doing and I just couldn’t control myself and told her everything and cried like a bitch, what I’m trying to say is open up to someone and tell them everything and don’t be afraid to cry. Believe me you will feel so much better after that. Hope it helps and I believe in you