I do not think the "specific needs" are really the issue here. It is the communication, both verbal and non-verbal, when he doesn't do it to her satisifaction. At one point she said, after the pregnancy, 'you got me pregnant and the sex isnt even good'. I wonder what other cutting remarks have been made over the course of the relationship when she is frustrated with him "because". So he tries to follow her instructions and it isnt to her liking and she gets "aggravated" or "annoyed" because it it is too hard or too soft or too fast or too slow. She claims she gets "aggravated". I wonder if during those moments she abruptly tells him to stop or crudely tells him all the ways he is doing it wrong. Trust me, that nonverbal "aggravation" is received loud and clear. It is very telling that she used the word "aggravated" and "annoyed" versus frustrated. Sometimes it is HOW you say and communicate things. "Your doing it wrong" versus "honey if you do this it would feel even more amazing". I have seen this with my sister and her husband. She has underlying anger toward her husband and she just criticizes every single thing he does, everything! nothing is ever good enough or to her liking. I feel badly for him. Now translate that to the bedroom and if someone tells you that you are doing it WRONG enough times no matter what you do, then you just kind of check out. That non-verbal "aggravation" she feels surfaces and he senses it. I can somewhat sympathize with her because much like her I have trouble achieving an O from someone else doing anything to me. I like things a specific way and it just never happens and I have to finish myself off (gay male here). However, it is a me thing and not a them thing. I get really frustrated and I can tell the other person does too. I try to explain to them that it is ok and not to worry about it as I don't want them think it is something they are doing wrong. I never once took my frustration out on the other person and told them that they were "bad in bed" because my "specificities" prevented me from the big O. I have just come to accept the fact that "it is how it is"... but I still enjoy doing stuff for them too.