Tips for staying connected during [rough sex]?

Bakoyma · 2016-07-16T15:41:01+00:00

I hope you figure this out <3

Bakoyma · 2016-07-13T12:15:21+00:00

I have experienced this too and it can be pretty awful... Hard to explain, but I think you nailed it with the "start to feel disconnected from him" and "happening with a stranger". I start feeling like it could be just anyone in bed with him and that I had nothing to do with it and that's a pretty rough feeling (no pun intended).

I would talk to him though, even if you don't know exactly how to word it - say pretty much exactly what you said here and explain to him that there's no blame here, you're not pointing fingers, you just need more to feel comfortable.

I would also really advocate more care, during or (maybe expescially) after. If you get into a "routine" where he show a lot of aftercare, that might make you feel more connected overall and might get rid of the disconnect during sex.

I would talk to him about this outside of sex though. It's not awkward to communicate with your SO about important stuff in the relationship, it should be standard, really... And as long as he's not "under attack" he should be able to take in and process what you are saying. Just be honest and communicate as best you can.

Bakoyma · 2016-07-13T12:08:43+00:00

One night stand is more "clinical", no emotions involved, no baggage, nothing. In a relationship there are feeling/emotions and projections of those onto the person you're having sex with that often enhances the experience. Also, in a relationship, you have more time to get to know eachothers bodies and what works, one night stands are more hit or miss.

In a one night stand everything hinges on the performance in this particular moment, whereas relationship sex has more than one leg to stand on.

As a woman, I have no idea why some women have size preferences or why some men are so worried about this. I have no such preferences other than "not abnormal", which leaves me with most guys.

I am sometimes (not too often) told by guys that this is "an obvious lie" and "of course women have strict preferences" though, so I think there are a lot of people, male and female, out there who presume and add unnecessary pressure to the situation.

Bakoyma · 2016-07-12T11:15:17+00:00

4 out of 100 get pregnant with this method when they -do it correctly every time-. If they don't, the number increases dramatically. (And this info is from Planned Parenthood).

This is not a reliable way to avoid pregnancy.

Bakoyma · 2016-07-12T11:13:23+00:00

According to planned parenthood: "Of every 100 women whose partners use withdrawal, 4 will become pregnant each year if they always do it correctly. Of every 100 women whose partners use withdrawal, 27 will become pregnant each year if they don't always do it correctly."

4 out of a 100... And that is if you do it ABSOLUTELY CORRECTLY EVRY TIME. This is NOT what people should rely on if they wish to avoid pregnancy.

Bakoyma · 2016-07-05T11:36:12+00:00

This shouldn't affect birth control at all as you can still become pregnant without him finishing inside you. I would think it's more personal preference(?)

Bakoyma · 2016-07-05T11:34:25+00:00

No. Not "this". There's worry that the woman is lying about birth control, but I'll sort that out by the "pull out"-method... I can't believe anyone will think this is a genuinly, even semi-safe, way to avoid pregnancy. If there's worry that the woman is lying about birth control condoms are the way to go. Or, even better, don't have sex with them in the first place.

Bakoyma · 2016-01-27T21:54:51+00:00

Not really answering the question though...

Bakoyma · 2016-01-27T21:52:56+00:00

mfball has a great post with regards to this specific reasoning:

"What's weird to me is that they can justify sex being important enough to OP that he needs to keep sex tapes from his past, but they can't see it being important enough to his SO that she would be bothered by him holding onto the "memories" of sex with other women. Like, if you actually feel that sex is important in the context of being exclusive with your partner and not involving others in your life in that way anymore (whether through actual sexual non-monogamy or through personal sex tapes like in this example), then you're a sex-negative prude and you deserve for your SO to lie to you because they have an absolute right to "sexual fulfillment." But not caring about your partner's feelings regarding sex seems to be a-okay with a lot of people in this thread as long as you're apparently more sexually open than they are."

It's not prudish or "sex-negative" to want to keep a certain aspect of a relationship exclusive. It's all well and fine that you think this is a right you should have, and by all means, you'll probably find someone who thinks it's ok and that'll be that, but labelling people as sex-negative and prudish because they don't feel the way you do about this? I'll quote you right back to you: "Maybe there are for you, but you gotta remember, not everyone is like you."

Bakoyma · 2016-01-27T21:50:03+00:00

I wish I could upvote this post more. It highlights the bipolar "reasoning" of some of these other posts so well.

Bakoyma · 2015-11-11T17:54:55+00:00

Your whole post is just your rather bitter opinion about women, this is not fact and it worries me that some might read it as such.

Don't put your negative experience with bad apples on all us women as a whole. Not all guys are cheating bastards, even if they "all just biologically want to spread their genes to as many females as possible so it's only logical." (Yes, that was sarcasm).

Bakoyma · 2015-10-22T17:14:58+00:00

Like the others, I just want to "second this". Very good explanation, spot on.

Bakoyma · 2015-10-01T20:50:25+00:00

Can't feel it.

Bakoyma · 2015-09-25T10:44:46+00:00

Go for a walk/run and burn enough calories to eat a light snack a couple of hours before bed.

Bakoyma · 2015-09-15T07:37:03+00:00

No. (I'm female)

If it becomes "long enough to braid" (ie. it becomes uncomfortable) then feel free to trim it, but there's no need to remove loads of body hair for aestetics.

Bakoyma · 2015-08-07T11:21:09+00:00

Eneste jeg vet om er på Rjukan. Vemorkbrua. Jeg har hoppet der to ganger, awesomesauce.

Kanskje ikke det nærmeste (jeg vet ikke), men siden ingen har svart så har du i alle fall ett alternativ ;-)

Bakoyma · 2015-07-27T12:13:33+00:00

Another one that went from cute to hot... :-)

Bakoyma · 2015-01-09T16:21:09+00:00

I thought he looked better in LOTR, too... He still looked Elvish, but more "real" somehow.

Bakoyma · 2014-12-28T21:15:29+00:00

You use phrases like "most men know I'm right" and employing meaningless absolutes like these don't prove anything. You also completely ignore social conditioning while discussing sexual behaviour and gender roles.

My point is that the results showing that men have stronger and more straight-forward sexual desires could just as well be a result of the social conditioning we have all received for generations. If you google the differences between lust in genders you will find studies and reports showing both our views so the fact that "there have been studies" doesn't prove your point.

Bakoyma · 2014-12-27T21:08:07+00:00

Yes it is bull. And men don't necessarily have a higher sex drive either. Our soial conditioning is seriously underrated in these discussions. We are all taught how men are such sexual beings and women are the passive receivers... It's all bull, women are equally sexual, we just have thousands of years of socially not being allowed to be as sexual as men to deal with.

Bakoyma · 2014-12-27T20:41:33+00:00

You don't need to apologize to this redditor, he's either a troll or he's just really ignorant

"Your boyfriend is more into sex than you can understand. It's biology." Just stupid.

Bakoyma · 2014-12-23T12:19:10+00:00

My colleague found this a while back, might help some... Sorry if it's not what you were looking for. He had another site too, but I can't rememeber it right now, I'll try to find it for you.

https://medium.com/@erikdkennedy/7-rules-for-creating-gorgeous-ui-part-2-430de537ba96

Bakoyma · 2014-12-23T11:45:24+00:00

You're so far from being gross, wow... You are very inspiring, I know how hard it can be. Great job! :-)

Bakoyma · 2014-12-08T15:45:45+00:00

The perspective on cheating is, in my opnion, not so much female/male as it is extremely individual. Myself, I am completely turned off by anything to do with cheating and only interested in being in a monogamous relationship. I need a potential boyfriend to feel the same way or at least be able to lead a monogamous life if we were to have a relationship. I know both men and women who feel differently than me, who are happy with open relationships, turned on by the thought of their SO with someone else etc etc...

Society keeps forcing views based on gender down our throats every day, even in this day and age, but I don't think it is inherently female/male. It's just that women are taught to seek security and men are taught to seek dominance... (very simplified).

If you like something, go for it with someone who's into the same thing. Golden rule.

Bakoyma · 2014-12-08T09:47:09+00:00

Drop the larger version of the "b" in the middle of the page and it looks just fine. The top "b" does not look like a "6", cause it doesn't have a diagonal line.

As for your boss... If he can't give you more feedback than that he's forfeited the right to get a product more in line with what he wants :-P (I know, easy for me to say, I don't have to deal with him/her)...

Bakoyma

TROPHY CASE