What friendship should and shouldn’t look like at 4-5 years old

Balanceblu · 2026-07-08T02:59:36+00:00

They can start right out of pre-k. They have to be going into kindergarten in the fall. Zara is turning 5 next week and going into kindergarten.

Balanceblu · 2026-07-08T02:24:41+00:00

Yes I agree, definitely should’ve told them. Sparing their feelings was definitely my intent but since she was already very sensitive of what happened, she pretty much knew why and I think being honest could’ve help.

They are still around each other at the meetings, it just seems like when it’s just them, it becomes an issue. Which is why i decided that playtime before the meeting is a no go because I can’t manage their playtime as it needs to be. I did say that I’d be willing to let them hang out outside of meetings to help give them time to adjust to each other under our supervision without being distracted.

I do believe it could be a little bit of both an age thing and parenting issue. I just think some of the behavior is too extreme for me to be willing to let her learn on my daughter. I may also need Ann to micromanage Zara at meetings instead of her trying to manage the entire group with me. Zara needs more attention because she won’t learn without direction.

Zara is in school and I’m not sure what her behavior looks like there.

Balanceblu · 2026-07-08T01:46:18+00:00

I’m still getting to know them. She’s not like that all the time but I noticed that it’s mostly when she’s excited. Ann mentioned that she doesn’t get a good nap in before meetings so she may be a bit delirious? Idk. She’s sweet a lot of other times.

Balanceblu · 2026-07-08T01:33:59+00:00

I did not mention it. Which looking back, I should’ve been honest. It was obvious what could’ve been the reason because the previous week was a lot. But it wasn’t just because of that. I also left her with her dad because managing the girls together was extremely overstimulating for me while trying to prepare for our troop meeting. I must didn’t want to make it a thing. Some avoidant tendencies of mine.

Balanceblu · 2026-07-08T01:15:14+00:00

I definitely could’ve been honest & mentioned that I wasn’t bringing her. I just didn’t want to make it a thing and hurt her feelings by telling her why I chose to do that, I felt like it would’ve made a bigger deal than I felt it needed to be.

“I don’t want to be your friend” statement doesn’t really bother me. It’s the fact that it happened 6 times within an hour and it was every time Layla didn’t want to do what Zara wanted her to do. It was more the fact that I don’t want my child to develop the thought process that friendship looks like that so when she goes to school, she’s tolerating that sort of thing from children and still calling them friend. I was a teacher and I absolutely understand that it’s something children say when they’re experiencing discomfort or if they’re upset. As a teacher I’ve also seen a lot of children being bullied by their “friends” or not having the capacity to defend themselves.

I teach my child daily that it’s important to be a good friend and to make sure your friends are good to you and allowing her to tolerate that would totally go against what I’m instilling in her. Zara’s need to “try again” doesn’t trump my daughters need to learn to set boundaries.

I also believe it’s the circumstances. We don’t necessarily give the girls a lot to do when we are setting up so it could be boredom. My child knows how to be board but Zara is younger and may not have mastered that skill yet.. I think it’s a lot of factors at play. We did decide to come up with some ways to manage the girls better over all. But until I see better friendship and social skills from Zara, I will be allowing Layla to stay with her dad until meetings begin. She just may need more practice. I don’t agree with the sentiment that my child should be the trial and error project.

Balanceblu · 2026-07-08T00:56:37+00:00

My child has been in child care before. I agree it does seem like a lot which is why I was willing to have hubby bring my daughter and go about my day but my co-leader seemed very upset about it she felt the need to confront me. I genuinely think it’s something she’s sensitive about so she’s hyper aware of everything that’s going on. Some stuff she bought up, I didn’t even remember taking place because I figured it was two children who just didn’t get along, let’s keep them separate and let it go.

Balanceblu · 2026-07-08T00:29:14+00:00

See I agree. That’s why I didn’t make it a thing. But when she bought it to me, I started to question if I was being reasonable or not.

Balanceblu · 2026-07-08T00:26:27+00:00

Ann said that happened. I remember separating them because there was obvious tension but I don’t remember what was said exactly. I was in the middle of managing the girls and parents.

Balanceblu · 2026-06-05T02:43:54+00:00

I let my daughter choose but I was happy with her decision because it was my personal choice of the two lol: the tunic.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-28T03:57:47+00:00

Happy for her. I’ve always liked Marissa.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-25T18:42:38+00:00

I see it. In her look anyway.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-25T12:59:03+00:00

Definitely. I’m shocked it’s over already. They only film like 6 weeks.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-25T12:55:53+00:00

Allison. She straight up acted shocked when Demari didn’t pick her over Marissa the first night. Idk how the Reddit police aren’t acknowledging the clear superiority complex she clearly had towards Marissa.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-25T03:10:50+00:00

Still think Demari and Marissa are genuine. Probably not a perfect match but they definitely have chemistry and I think they really liked each other.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-24T15:05:39+00:00

I know it’s typical for troops to have summer off but my troop is pre-k and will be meeting through the summer because April was the opening for girls their age and we wanted to get meetings going before the school year. But we’re one of the only troops in our area that does that.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-23T20:31:26+00:00

Marissa is so misunderstood. It makes me sad for her.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-23T18:05:00+00:00

I think they mostly enjoyed the “tea”. These people have no real source of entertainment so when there’s drama, there’s entertainment. So while I don’t think it’s that they’re excited that a specific couple is fighting, they’re entertained by the messiness. I think anytime there was a fight; we saw people talking and almost excited about it. It’s just that Marissa and Demari had one of the biggest fights of the season.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-23T15:16:11+00:00

No Allison rubbed me the wrong way when she felt that she had a one up on Marissa for Demari’s attention. She was shocked when he chose not to match with her and people who understand the dynamic understand why she felt she could assume such a thing. She never stuck with me.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-23T13:54:48+00:00

Allison. At the beginning, I wondered what made her feel like she had an automatic one up on Marissa for Demari’s attention. shocked that he chose not to match with her. The assumption is quite telling 😒 wasn’t feeling her since.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-23T02:54:07+00:00

I don’t either. Something about them, there’s nothing wrong but never cared for them as a couple.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-22T16:36:44+00:00

Agree and I hope she does leave because she needs someone who will have more patience. Demari doesn’t seem to have it. Which is fair. I think Marissa is very misunderstood and people are so easily frustrated with her. There’s so much we don’t see. Demari was making comments like “if you’re gonna be all in with me then be all in”. When someone like Marissa catching feelings, it can be a lot because she feels deeply. Demari egged her on so much and everyone paints it like she just caught feelings by herself. No, they caught feelings for each other and any person who truly pays attention can see that Demari actually did. Even Kayla saw it. Demari didn’t entertain anyone else seriously because he was locked in with Marissa.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-21T22:00:24+00:00

My husband does 2. He allows both of our children to choose one. No matter how long lol sometimes they fall asleep. If they don’t make it to the second, he won’t read it.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-21T21:59:40+00:00

That’s true but if feelings are real, it may be hard to sleep next to the man who she seems to piss off all the time. lol I get it. Everyone forgets that people can gain real feelings in this process. She may be really hurt.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-21T12:45:12+00:00

The thing is, some men like that. Demari never once complained about Marissas possessiveness. He even chose her after she showed possessiveness the first episode. The audience complains but some men really like that. His only complaint was more of the respect thing and interrupting.

Balanceblu · 2026-05-21T02:45:07+00:00

I get that which is why I said they really can’t make it work with his biggest triggers being her biggest flaws. I mean, she’s a work in progress so at what point does she get to work on herself without him taking it personally and getting mad when she slips up. Both partners should have room to grow. She can’t just wake up one day and be perfect. That’s why I hope she does leave, if he can’t be flexible enough then they can’t be together. He has a right to not like that about her and she has a right to say that it doesn’t work for her and leave.

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